A Demigod Christmas
by orangesquash.inc2
Summary: It's Christmas eve and the demigods are really really bored so they decided to invite a few friends and have some fun, okay the gods invited themselves but anyways you get the point...
1. Santa Claus is coming to Town

Disclaimer:I don't own anything from Percy Jackson... Rick Rirodan comes up with all these bright ideas!

Author(Anyone for that matter of fact): Wow the snow is _really _thick out there…

Annabeth: Isn't it great?

Nico: Why is it snowing?

Luke: Duh! It's Christmas!  
Nico: Pah… Christmas… snowing… doesn't make sense- *walks off*

Luke: Oh come on Nico, get into the 'festive spirit' Christmas is the time for putting away old grudges and spending time with friends…

Author: Ugh Luke…

Luke: Yes…

Me: I never thought… You would actually say those words such as: 'festive spirit' and 'putting away old grudges' not to mention 'spending time with friends' since you're like on the Titan's side…

*Kronos appears with a XXXXL sized Christmas fairy lights and tinsel*

Kronos: Anyone got a hammer?

Everyone else: …

It was a nice day at Camp Half-Blood BUT it was snowing, BUT since this is a magical camp… The snowflakes were generally not killer sized nor were they in a great huge blizzard.

The Demigods were excited… Why? Come on it's Christmas!

You would expect it to be quite a party since even Kronos (the evil Titan lord) is decorating the Pits of Tataurus with… well Christmas stuff… and everyone is going on an adrenaline rush…

Luke, Thalia, Nico, Clarisse, Grover, Percy, Annabeth and basically everyone else gathered in the Poseidon cabin.

"What should we do?" Nico asked

"BRRRR!" Moaned Grover, "How about start a Greek fire?"

"Nah it explodes though punk,"

"Right, how about a normal fire?" suggested Annabeth

Everyone agreed it was the best thing Annabeth had come up with.

Percy threw a match in the fire place- and the whole cabin blew up? Nah he's not that bad at aim… So since this is the Poseidon cabin, instead of the old burnt wood smell, the whole cabin smelt of fresh sea breeze… air freshener… from the grocery store… on Olympus.

"Right… what about activities?" asked Nico, "What do they normally do on Christmas Eve anyway?"

"Bake cookies, drink hot chocolate, buy presents, go sle-"

"Whoa hold your horses! Luke! Where do you get all that from? Percy asked

"Duh Seaweed brain, it is common knowledge," Annabeth said, with her grey eyes flashing knowingly.

"Ugh no I keep this in my pocket," Luke said holding up: _The Ultimate Guide to a Great Demigod Christmas!_ "It's the best!"

Nico fainted in disbelief. Everyone else went in a daze for 5 mins.

5mins later…

Thalia was the first to wake up from the daze…

"Hello? Is anyone awake yet?"

No answer. Percy started to snore… Thalia sighed and shocked everyone with electric shocks. This time they all woke up except Nico…

Percy and Thalia sighed; first Percy poured sea water all over Nico- We all know where the water came from right?

Then Thalia shocked Nico.

Nico continued to sleep.

1 min

2min

Finally exasperated Annabeth shouted," Oh my gods! It's free Subway! With extra onion!"

Nico jumped up," Where? Where?"

Everyone else fidgeted nervously. Suddenly somebody knocked on the door.

"I wonder who that could be." said Grover with fake eagerness.

Thalia: Please tell me who that is?

Author: Not telling.

Percy: I know!

Everyone else: You do?

Percy: Yes!

Everyone else: Who?

Percy: If I tell the author would probably kill me…

Luke: If you don't I will kill you…

*gets out Backbiter*

*Everyone else wags finger and says tisk tisk tisk, bad boy*

*Luke hisses in frustration*

Author: Sorry guys you just have to wait till next chapter…


	2. Let's Deck the Halls

Let's Deck the Halls

Thalia: Yay! It's next chapter!

Me: Yeah…

Thalia: So what are you waiting for?

Me: Hmm I should get on with the story eh?

Everyone else including Kronos: YES! 

Annabeth opened the door to reveal a jolly looking Hades with a huge present…

"Um can I help you Lord Hades?"

"What do you think daughter of Athena, that I would come all this way from Olympus to- to- never mind…I would like to join the party,"

Annabeth opened the door a little wider to let Hades through. She was just about to close the door when some one said," Wait up!"

It was Zeus, wearing a red pinstripe suit and green tie. Zeus came in…

"Hang on old brother," It was Poseidon, wearing a _Florida welcomes you_ T-shirt and brown fishing shorts with an old 1985 Marina expo merchandise hat.

Just when Annabeth thought no more gods would randomly come in Athena and Ares squeezed through.

When they were all inside getting squashed and hot when the present from Hades suddenly opened and Bianca popped out. Nico again fainted-this time in happiness.

"Oh my Gods," whispered Annabeth

"Oh my Titans," shouted Hermes randomly appearing in a sudden blast of confetti.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" everyone else questioned.

"Come on, I am Luke's dad," laughed Hermes.

"Great my cabin's going to explode!" muttered Percy

"Not if I can help it…" said Poseidon

With a wave of his hand Percy's cabin grew larger and everyone now at least wasn't all squashed up like tuna and sardines.

"Hey! We haven't exactly solved the boredom problem, we have only caused a bunch of gods that's our parent appear," stated Luke.

"Hey! How about we play Secret Santa!" cried Hermes with glee.

"Great idea," Zeus mused and so everyone agreed to play Secret Santa.

"By the way Hermes, if you don't mind, please tell me where you got that lovely idea from?" asked Aphrodite through Hermes's cell phone.

"It's common knowledge," sighed Athena,

"No actually I have this," Hermes said holding up _The Ultimate Guide to a Great Greek Gods Christmas. _"It's a lifesaver," Luke and Hermes hi-fived each other.

Ares and Athena raised an eyebrow.

Clarisse wrote out the names on strips of paper and put them into Poseidon's Marina 1985 hat.

Percy got first draw since well it's his cabin that they are all in and since they all agreed that they want him to get Annabeth so they might witness some kissing (All except Poseidon and Athena of course.)

Percy reached into the hat and thought, _I really want to get Annabeth but if I get Annabeth then everyone would want us to kiss and Poseidon and Athena would probably want to disintegrate each other._ Luckily or unluckily he got Bianca.

Annabeth reached into the hat and thought, _you know Percy is nice and all that but I would really want to get Luke._ She got Thalia.

Bianca got Grover, Grover got Annabeth, Thalia got Luke, Luke got Clarisse, Nico got Percy and Clarisse got Nico.

Now it's the gods turn…

Ares got lucky first… Hermes he thought.

Zeus got Athena, Athena got Ares, Hermes got Poseidon, Poseidon got Hades and Hades got Hermes. Now let's shop till we drop suggested Hades a little too enthusiastic for a god who dresses in black even on Christmas- the only thing that was any other colour was his green sweat band.

Everyone stared.

"What? I just versed George Washington at tennis," Hades tried to explain.

"Never mind, anyways this cabin is a bit dull for Christmas don't you think?" said Hermes," No offence Poseidon,"

"No offence taken," said Poseidon calmly but not long after he produced a bunch of brightly coloured coral to put on the non-existent tree.

"Now for the tree…" Athena started

"We could ask Demeter…" Annabeth chirped in.

"No I have a better idea," said Hermes darkly

"What?" Zeus asked suspiciously. Hermes muttered to Zeus

"We ask Demeter,"

"Pshh stop wasting our time Hermes…Okay who should call Demeter?"

"Zeus will," Hermes said with an innocent expression

"Why does it always have to be me?"

"Because you are the paramount god…everyone has to listen to you," remarked Hermes

Zeus sighed and drew out a Nokia touch screen cell phone and dialed some numbers.

"Ugh hello? Olympus?"

Another voice that's Apollo's rang out. "May I help you?"

"Um it's Zeus, may I speak to Demeter?

"Yes please wait while I transfer you, by the way merry Christmas!"

"You too Apollo,"

A few minutes later Apollo's voice returned, "Um Zeus?"

"Yes"

"Demeter's not in, would you like me to take a message?"

"No thanks, bye,"

Everyone gave an exasperated sigh. Suddenly Clarisse brightened, "How about we ask some of the Demeter kids?"

"No it's no good, they are all away for the holidays," and on that happy note everyone went back to their usual state of glumness.

"Wait! We can buy one at the shops!" said Percy ultra excited.

"Yeah, I guess so," mused Annabeth

So they all grabbed their coats and headed outside to take the bus to the mall.

Percy: Thanks for making me smart

Me: Don't mention it

Annabeth: RAWR why didn't you give me Luke?

Me: Shhhhh! Sure tell the world… erase the 'secret' in SECRET Santa. Yup.

*Annabeth blushes*

Luke: OHHHH, AHHHHH, what did Annabeth say again?

Everyone else: sigh

Luke: Oh yeah did you see my Christmas card for Kronos? Where did I put it? I can't find it anywhere…

*Luke makes hopeful expression*

Me: You think I've got it?

Luke: No actually I was thinking you could do me a favor of writing that I found it in my coat or something…

Me: I might… if I am in the mood…

*Luke makes puppy dog eyes*

Me: I'll think about it…


	3. Jingle Bell Rocks

Me: Having fun everyone?

Percy: Why did you just ask?

Me: I ugh care about my characters…

*Silence prevails*

Me: Nevermind…

Me (desprate to make conversation): have you got the tree yet?

Luke: How are we supposed to know, you're the author…

Me: Sigh, I guess let's just get on with the story…

Everyone else (including the gods): YES PLEASE! BTW best ideal you ever had today!

The gods and the demigods all piled outside and truged up the hill to the pine tree border and waited at the bus stop.  
They waited and waited for what seemed like a century and still the bus did not come.

"My nose is froze, my ears are froze," Luke stammerd cutely  
"Awww! Luke! You're so cute!" Annabeth said sighing, Percy gave Luke the evils.  
"Oh yeah! I rememeber now!" Hades exclaimed, "The buses are called off since the roads are too slippery."

"Everyone sighed in exasperation.  
"Let's just head back to camp," suggested Bianca  
"NO! If there's a will there's a way!" shouted Nico  
"Ouch my ears!" everyone choursed  
"Hey I didn't know you could shout like The Fat Lady in _Harry Potter_!" stated Hades impressed.  
"I know!" cried Percy! He whistled and suddenly there were sounds of hoof clattering and wings beating. Through the clouds came Blackjack and his mates.  
"Oooo! It's a bird! No it's a plane! It's a pegasi!" shouted Hermes  
"Good job son," whispered Poseidon really proud, "But there isn't enough pegsi for everyone, there are only 3"  
"Not quite… Hmmm… Aha!" Clarisse muttered then exclaimed  
"What? What? What?" everyone questioned  
"Okay we get a sleigh and harness the pegasi on to it and hey presto you've got Chris Kringle's sleigh…"  
Annabeth clapped and hugged Clarssie-which was very un-Annabeth like and Thalia hugged Percy which is even MORE weird.

"Um who's Chris Kringle?" Luke asked puzzled, everyone ignored him…  
Hermes produced a sleigh behind his back  
"You keep a sleigh behind your back?" asked Luke incredulous  
"No! Apollo gave it to me last year and I just happen to have kept it in my 4 dimensional back pocket… In other words yes!" Luke fainted after hearing his dad kept a sleigh in his running shorts pocket and he didn't even know.

After a few adjustmets here and there with the reins everyone squeezed in to the huge sleigh. "Oh why do I always have to be squashed?" moaned Percy after Ares sat himself next to him and squeezed Percy to the edge. "Hello Punk," smiled Ares taking off his sunglasses and revealing dark pitch black eyes with red explosions as he winked. He wacked Percy hard on the back… "Aren't you glad to see your uncle Ares?"  
"You're my uncle?" asked Percy, "Wow! And aren't you called Mars or something?" Ares's smile dropped a notch and he gritted his teeth… Percy smiled sweetly back.

The Sleigh took to the skies after a few run ups and since Zeus was on the sleigh and it's Christmas Eve, he didn't blast anyone off…

After awhile Athena started to sing Ding Dong Merrily on High and Aphrodite joined in from Hermes's cell phone for a duet. A 22 year old Luke joined in with a 14 year old Nico and sang Santa Claus is coming to Town, Percy sang Fliez Navidad with Ares and Annabeth, Thalia and Bianca formed a trio to sing Jingle Bells.

After the 'Sleigh Concert' (which the NYT reviewed as the most prestigious concert ever- that happened on a sleigh) they arrived.

Thalia: Yay (glitter and sparkles appear) we arrived!

Me: Yeah… about time huh?

Ares: You got that right…

Percy: What mall is this anyway?

Me: I don't live in the USA so I wouldn't know

Percy: Ask Annabeth…

Me: Ugh no… that wouldn't work since Annabeth is a fragment of my imagination she wouldn't know either

Annabeth: It's Kings Plaza in Brooklyn…

Me: Ugh I hate it when my characters do that…

Luke: What about my card…?

Me:Oh don't worry; I have something special planned…

*In reality I just said that so he wouldn't get out Backbiter*

Luke: You just said that because you don't want me to get out Backbiter

Me: UGH I also hate it when my characters think they know whats going on but don't… *winks*

*Luke gets out Backbiter*

Me: Send reviews… and Luke calm down… take a chill pill… seriously I do have something PLANNED!


	4. In Jingle Bell Square

Hades: Yay! Let's shop till we drop!

Me: Yeah… It's going to be so cool…

Hades: You're excited?

Me: Yup

Hades: Okay…

Zeus: Plus there's going to be wi-fi internet cafes

Poseidon: Wow that is going to be so great… clap clap clap…

Zeus: Your sarcasm's getting on my nerves…

Poseidon: Sorry

Me: Let's just continue with the story…

Percy: Great idea!

Blackjack dropped them off at a discreet area in NY and all the demigods went, "ARGH! My legs are so sore," or "Oh my gods my feet have pins and needles," the gods on the other hand looked like they could have walked out of CC's (Circe, remember?) spa in the Sea of Monsters.

Hermes handed around Ziplock bags full of cash.

Now picture this: A group of people walking towards King's Plaza; there's a man with a weather-beaten face, an old grey sea captain jumper and coat, grey trousers and boots with a 1985 Marina expo merchandise hat; another man with red pinstripe suit, green tie and well trimmed beard-looks like a CEO of some sort; then you have the gothic rock musician with an odd green sweat band; a keen jogger with Nike tracksuit and an elfish face( Hermes); a lady with casual tramping gear and a well built man wearing sunglasses and leather motorcycle gear; add a few kids and a few Ziplock bags full of cash and you get stares, attention and a need to manipulate the mist…again.

So to solve this problem they simply split up.

Nico went with Bianca since she's his sister and Grover went with Percy and Annabeth since they just wanted to hang out that day and Thalia went with Luke. So at different random times they would slip into the mall and agreed to meet back at this random cafe with wi-fi internet.

Zeus chilled out with Hermes watching Disney's Hercules on the internet and saying, "Wow that's my son there, that's my son," even though Hermes heard the news about a millennia ago. They also watched this Perseus movie and again Zeus did the proud dad thing again. "Saved Andromeda from the Kraken, didn't get too many Fs in school… what more could a dad want?" Hermes just nodded and sighed… "I just wish Luke…liked math more… he got 4 Fs this semester!" Hermes trailed away draining his soy milk, ultra organic, trim, creamy, frothy, hold the sugar mocha chino in one gulp.

Meanwhile…

Percy and the gang (Grover and Annabeth) were mucking about...Annabeth went into Macy's while Percy and Grover went into Foot Locker. "Wow check those out," Grover said pointing to a bunch of neon orange Converse sneakers… "Ahhhhh my eyes!" muttered Percy, "I feel like disintegrating ahhhhhhhh!" Grover looked hurt… he didn't look at how many people were staring at their 'heroic' struggle.

After a few minutes Percy spotted some paint splattered Nike sneakers.

"Those are so awesome!"

"Those are for girls…" Grover replied

Percy gave Grover looks of poison…

10 mins

20 mins

"I still need to get Bianca's present!" yelled Percy

"I still need to get Annabeth's present!" yelled Grover

"And I am running out of time cards…" said this random dude with a lollipop

Percy raised an eyebrow, "Okay…" and slipped out of Foot Locker with Grover not far behind.

Meanwhile…

Zzzzzzzzzzz… "Ahhh! Chenille throw… silk sheets…sumptuous fabrics…zzzzz…soft suede cushions…mmmm!" sighed Annabeth.

In an isolated corner somewhere in Macy's Annabeth was obsessing over duvet and blankets...

"Hello? Annabeth?" Percy whispered as he saw a blonde girl looking at expensive 'bed stuff' as he puts it, Annabeth whirled around, "Ahem…*cough cough* I ugh was looking at stuff for…um Secret Santa! Have you bought yours?"

The boys fidgeted nervously… "No…" Percy managed

"Well what are you waiting for? Hmm?" demanded Annabeth

The last thing that Percy saw was Annabeth selecting a plush purple and black suede cashmere pillow from the aisle before…

Before… someone stabbed him in the stomach? Nah the world's not that dangerous…

He was pushed out of Macy's by an assistant since he was apparently 'harassing their customer'.

Meanwhile…

Athena and Poseidon (they hate each other, by the way) agreed to shop around together…see the magic of Christmas? Anyways they walked into Forever 21…

Athena spilt the beans to Poseidon since she wants to know what guys like and Poseidon spilt the beans to Athena since he don't know what you get for your brother who likes music, dresses in black but plays tennis with dead people…

"Look… Ares's sunglasses just don't' suit him…what do you think? Athena asked Poseidon

"I am not the style god here… ask Aphrodite… Ares is her boyfriend after all…"

"Wow Poseidon! You have gotten smarter after eating my cookies!" exclaimed Athena

"What? I am always like this…"

"I should make more of them…" Athena mused quietly

"Sigh, some people just don't appreciate your genius for inventing horses…" sighed Poseidon

Athena got out her white Sony Ericsson mobile with celestial bronze and dialed a few numbers…

"Hello? Olympus?"

"Yes? Who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?" Aphrodite's posh voice rang out

"Oh, hey Aph… It's Athena… I was wondering if I should buy Ares Christian Dior sunglasses or Calvin Klein."

"What do they look like?" asked Aphrodite extremely excited

"Well the Calvin Klein one is more flash and modern and Tom Cruise-y while the Christian Dior one is round shaped, vintage and classic…"

"HMMM…" Aphrodite deliberated for awhile and then said take the Christian Dior one…and I got to go and sort out some dresses for Christmas so bye!"

"Well?" asked Poseidon puzzled, "I say we go for the Christian Dior one…"

Athena smiled-and it was a really nice smile. "No… come with me…"

"Okay…" Poseidon trialed off

They went into H&M and Athena picked up some novelty star shaped sunglasses and dolphin shaped ones and some flower hippie shaped ones and said, " Choose 2,"

"Whoa…okay, but I thought Aphrodite chose the Calvin Klein one…"  
"You need some of my cookies…anyways Aphrodite doesn't like me so she just chose the one that Ares wouldn't like, I already know that Ares loves his sunglasses too much... it's made of celestial bronze and polarized with the stars from the poles,"

"Yeah huh and…" muttered Poseidon

"And you need my cookies…"muttered Athena

Athena handed one over, it was a sugar cookie with white icing and chocolate chips, Poseidon took a bite, "Oh my titans! I suddenly got it!"

"You got it now! Yay! Help me choose!"

"No I suddenly got why you never buy white chocolate chips, because milk chocolate does taste better with vanilla icing!"

Athena raised both eyebrows

"Okay I choose dolphin and stars," said Poseidon

"Hmm about time…" said Athena

She paid and left…, "I have to go and wrap them up at those gift wrapping stalls only cost $2 with a great variety!…bye!"

"Wait! What should I get for Hades?"

"You ate my cookie…you should know!"

"How?" Poseidon asked puzzled

"Look!" and with that she disappeared into the crowd. Poseidon looked at his half finished cookie and saw there was a piece of paper sticking out… "Fortune cookie! Can't be!"

On the paper it read-_What ever it is you need to find you can find it in this mall alright!_

Further down it read-_Today is the perfect day to hang out with an old enemy_

_Surf in Santa Monica, eat cookies from an old enemy and search for 'Prince'._

Annabeth *carrying a box wrapped in shiny silver paper with a large gold bow*: Hey I need some privacy when I am shopping!

Me: A thousand apologies

Annabeth: You sound like an Arabian Genie…

Me: Is that good or bad?

Annabeth: Good? I guess?

Poseidon: Hey! I have got to solve this!

*shoves paper under noses*

Everyone: Ugh, it's like your quest… others can't interfere

Poseidon: Sigh

Me: Send reviews and while you are there add a few suggestions on what Poseidon can do…

Luke: Where is my card?

Me: Ugh… next chapter I promise…


	5. Nice Merlot

Me: Hey Luke…!

Luke: Yes?

Me: Look in your graphics folder…

Luke: But I don't take graphics…

Me: … Well… you do now!

*Graphics folder appears from thin air*

*Luke rummages around in it*

Luke: Aha!

*Pulls out a white with black stripes envelope*

Luke: That's not my card…

Me: Well it was awfully uncreative how you only had a white envelope so I decorated it…

*Beams happily*

* Luke shoots me evil glares*

Me: Sorry, sorry

Luke: Hmph

Me: Merry Christmas!

"Watch out Thalia!" shouted Luke as they met head on with a horde of noisy shoppers…

"Must get to Lids…" muttered Luke. After what seemed like walking through a tumultuous battle field they squeezed into Lids…

It was what a hat store ought to be… full of hats…

Luke was fully engaged with New York Yankees and Colorado Rockies caps while Thalia innocently wondered off…la la la la la to go and find Luke's present.

She arrived at Radio Shack, "Hmm Luke's MP3 is soooooo out dated. He needs the latest technology!" She rummaged through a bunch of i-pod touches and i-pod shuffles and even peas in a pod but the day in the life of a demigod is never easy ( but surprisingly today is) so she amazingly found the perfect i-pod touch...unfortunately for Luke as a prank she brought him a pink skin cover with Tokyo Blossoms…aww how sweet!

Meanwhile…

Hermes and Zeus were still chilling out in the café but Hermes decided to leave since Zeus was watching _Clash of the Titans _for the second time and Hermes already cleaned his caduceus(in cell-phone form) with Dettol disinfectant spray four times. He stood up and made an excuse that he was going to look around-which is true and walked away…

He didn't walk far before coming across a large piano on the ground (the type those pro people dance on to produce music) but you know kids were jumping up and down on it so he hatched a brilliant plan. While watching demigod movies were not his forte dancing on random big pianos were so he called in a little company…Who better than Apollo?

Hermes took out his cell-phone (caduceus) and dialed Olympus…

"Hello? Artemis speaking," a voice rang out

"Yeah hey… is your brother around?" asked Hermes

"Yeah he's sleeping like a pig on his red Ferrari bed,"

"Oh…" said Hermes, "Anyways is he interested in dancing on big pianos in Kings Plaza?"

"Oh I'll ask…" replied Artemis

Artemis left and Taylor Swift's _Love Story_ played faintly in the background

"Okay, he's coming. You know it's nearly lunch and he hasn't even eaten breakfast?"

"Yeah okay... Thanks!"

Hermes hanged up and started to stride towards the male toilets.

Meanwhile…

"Ugh! Where are Nico and Bianca?" Poseidon muttered as he quickly scanned the crowd.

Soon he spotted them sitting at Starbucks drinking coffee and eating iced Christmas cake while Zeus watched the Olympic Games-Athens opening ceremony on the computer.

He pulled them aside and whispered, "Do you know what your dad likes?"

"I can tell you _who_ he likes- emphasis on 'WHO'," Nico said nodding

"Who?" asked Bianca puzzled

"Persephone," replied Nico

"Oh yeah! True!"

"Any ideas at all about what he does on the weekends? Emphasis on 'DOES'," whispered Poseidon.

"Why are you whispering?" asked Nico

"Stop changing the subject young demigod," frowned Poseidon

"You sound like my dad…" stated Nico

"I am your da-," started Poseidon, "Wait a second, what am I saying? Just tell me," Poseidon said eyes flashing dangerously.

"Um he helps Daedalus with the traffic jams in the fields of Asphodel?"

"Okay…anything else?"

"Um no…"

"Right that's not going to help with Secret Santa," muttered Poseidon

"What? Secret Santa? Why didn't you say so?" said Nico giving Poseidon a sly smile, "Okay he likes doing recreational stuff with famous dead people…"

"Thanks…" Poseidon said uncomfortably

"No problem!" said Nico brightly

Poseidon walked away tossing two blue candy canes to Nico and Bianca which they later found out tasted like blueberry Skittles.

Meanwhile…

"Why, it's it Peter Johnson!" Dionysus cried as Percy passed his wine stall in front of Five Continents.

"Hey I thought you were grounded!"

"It's Christmas and Zeus has decided to ugh let me sell some wine since you know camp half-blood need some new bathroom doors…No one sponsors you these days… Plus I've got strawberry sparkling fruit wines as well!"

"Nice Merlot… Except why isn't there anyone buying your wine?"

"Look would you buy wine from this dodgy fat dude in his mid thirties wearing a purple aerobic suit in the mall?"

"Ugh maybe?" Percy asked uncertainly

"NO! You would not!" cried Dionysus

"Okay…" replied Percy

"So that is why I am asking you to take the shift while I go for a sandwich or pretzel…Thank You Perry Johnston."

With a wave of his hand he placed Percy behind the desk and walked away.

Percy sat there in glumness… He couldn't leave and buy a present…He had to put up with Dionysus. Life could be worse."

"Nice Merlot you've got there," a voice interrupted his thoughts; Percy looked up to find a man peering at him suspiciously. "Say," the man continued, "How old are you?"

"Ugh 18," Percy lied. The man's hands turned into claws-they were really nice ones too, ones that sparkle and shine and generally kills you with one swipe; a monster wine connoisseur.

"Looks like you have some explaining to do, you're not 18…"

"Hey I am stuck with the baby face," Percy hazarded trying to put on a fake causal tone.

The man frowned, "Okay let's see if you can answer these questions," he said slipping a sheet of paper on the desk, "If you fail…well let's not talk about if you fail, I don't like scaring _minors_." With a final I've-got-my-eye-on-you gesture he left for the Five Continents.

Percy: HELP!

Me: What happened?  
Percy: Don't pretend you don't know… I have to do a test on Christmas Eve!

Me: I am sure you'll pass with flying colours…

Percy: If you haven't noticed here I have dyslexia!

Me: The test sheet's in Greek

Percy: PHEW!

Me: You're not scared about the monster?

Percy: Nah I can tell it's just Mr D trying to scare me…

Me: *Curses under breath*

Mr D: It wasn't me. I was innocently having my pretzel lunch

Everyone else: Oh sure! Sure…

Blackjack: _Please review… HI boss!_


	6. Tonight Apollo, I am going to be

Annabeth: What have you done to Percy?

*Angry Stare*

Me: What? What's the matter?

Annabeth: Look he's not 18…he won't pass and will get minced by a monstrous wine connoisseur!

Me *raising eyebrow*: Okay so you're worried about Percy?

Annabeth *reluctant tone*: No... It's just that…

Everyone else: Come on Annabeth Chase just admit it and we'll all get on with our lives…

Annabeth *rolls eyes*: Fine. I am worried about Percy…So what?

*Everyone else stifles giggles*

Annabeth: Gods, you guys are so immature…Luke that's you as well…

Luke: I am 22…

Annabeth: Psshhh….

Me: Come on let's just get on with the story…

Poseidon: Agreed

* * *

Apollo appeared in the male bathrooms of Kings Plaza in such a bright flash of cosmic radiation that even Hermes gritted his teeth.

"Yawn…so when are we going to play some serious music?" asked Apollo frowning at the soppy mainstream songs that were playing on the speakers.

"Ugh some time like now," said Hermes checking his watch and producing two uniform black and white T-shirts with godly flexible jeans. With another wave of his hand two laminated passes were dangling from his fist…

"Today Apollo, I am going to be: A Pro Person who Dances on Big Pianos!" they both got ready to change… "No peeking Hermes," warned Apollo and in a second they spun 360 degrees and changed into black uniforms, dark sunglasses with bright white smiles pasted on their faces…

"I think we are ready to roll Hermes," announced Apollo, the edge of his mouth twitching slightly

"Oh yeah!" shouted Hermes. Together they strode out with film star confidence…

They both approached the piano and told the kids' parents that there was going to be a performance and without hesitation they asked their kids to come off…

It didn't even cross their minds that those two 'ridiculously handsome' people were in fact Greek gods and they never thought the man with the elfish face could in fact be the god of thieves.

"Okay ladies and gentleman, this Christmas we have something special planned for you…" announced Hermes with pride

"Yes, we are ugh from the ugh New York Big Piano Academy and we would like you to indulge in some fine dancing and music this holiday season…" continued Apollo,

"Yes in fact we would like to start off with our personal favorite, a song good for the festive season: Turkish March!" by then a group of about 50 people had already gathered.

Hermes and Apollo shared a quick glance and understanding passed through the two mischievous gods' eyes. "Ready? One, two, three," muttered Hermes and together they plunged feet first into the fast flowing tune of Turkish March… Thank the titans that Apollo was the god of music...you could tell Hermes was quite lost.

Meanwhile…

"Where's Percy? He hasn't even gotten his present yet…" Grover muttered as he clutched his simple blue wrapped present and pushing a trolley with a boxed artificial Christmas tree in it. Annabeth was with him with a frown on her face, she too clutched her silver present.

"Oh man…he was here a second ago…" muttered Annabeth angrily

"OMGS! What is he doing?" Grover shouted oblivious of the stares he received,

"What? WHAT? Tell me!" asked Annabeth pleading...

"Zac Efron's singing on that stage! I love it when he sings _Right Here Right Now_,it's so romantic…"

Annabeth's face showed absolute annoyance… "Hello? If you haven't noticed Percy could be dead right now... Some evil monster wine connoisseur could have made a 40kg delicatessen meat pie out of him...just because he's not 18…"

"Okay sorry…you go and look for Percy while I quickly run and ask Nico and Bianca if he's dead or not…" Grover decided.

Annabeth gave him a dark and stormy look and rushed towards the restaurants.

Meanwhile…

Luke walked out of Lids with a white Detroit Tigers cap on his head and another cap in a biodegradable plastic shopping bag, and walked towards Godiva Chocolatier- which sells luxury gourmet chocolates and heavenly lime truffles… for some mysterious reason.

Meanwhile...

Poseidon paced back and forth thinking hard in Modell's Sporting Goods…

"May I help you sir?" asked a paid-to-be-kind-and-caring assistant,

"No thank you, just browsing," Poseidon managed a smile and flicked through a few Adidas training gear.

"Okay, but if you need any help just ask the desk…" continued the assistant

In reality she was thinking:_ I hope he's going to buy something and not use our shop as a thinking emporium…_

"Hmm recreation huh…" muttered Poseidon, "I wonder…" A book caught his eye… The boy holding it was obviously an anime fan because in his hand was a book: _Prince of Tennis_…

* * *

Poseidon: Yes a clue! *Poseidon high-fives me*

*Everyone else claps a little too enthusiastic for comfort…*

Luke: Check out my new Detroit Tigers cap *Luke does a twirl-model style*

*Everyone else claps a little too unenthusiastic for comfort…*

Annabeth: It's a cliffhanger…

Me: Yeah sort of…

Percy: NOOOO! I am still doing the stupid test and I am going to get minced into a 40 kg delicatessen demigod meat pie…I am scared…

Me: I thought it was Dionysus…

Percy: It wasn't… It's even worse: he's a monster NYT judge!

Dionysus: Hah! Told you so…I was having my pretzel lunch! Anyways ask him to taste our Sauvignon Blanc. I have being working on perfecting it for half a century…

Poseidon: Dionysus!

Dionysus: Okay, sorry, sorry! Please review!


	7. Artemis gives out free hugs

Me: So…what do you guys want to be when you grow up?

Annabeth: An architect…but I am sure you guys already know

*Everyone else takes sudden interest in crumb on the floor*

Me: Failed…

Dionysus: I love wine!

Zeus: I love lightening and I love ozone deodorant for men!

Poseidon: I love me dolphins!

Hermes: I love Valentine cards…awww!

Ares: I love a good war-especially when the baddies win!

Hades: I love vampires!

Everyone else rolls their eyes: _Twilight_…isn't it?

Hades looking puzzled: Erm what's twilight got anything to do with vampires?

Everyone else: Never mind…

Hades looking offended: Anyways, they are all so pale, paler than me! I love tans...plus on the bonus side they smell like dead people…why? Because they are!

Everyone else: …

* * *

Percy stared at the sheet in his hand…the words were all blurry-not because he's got dyslexia but because he was in fact crying…

Everyone was out there on Christmas Eve having so much fun and here he was, having to confront some NYT judge…Life is so fair.

He shifted some bottles around and hoped someone at least was going to buy something so Camp Half-blood could actually get new bathroom doors…

"Madame, are you interested in some of this wine?" Percy tried desperately but all he got were looks of disapproval…he was too young…

"Seriously, these Greek gods need to be on the same page with American laws," muttered Percy, "What am I supposed to do when I get prosecuted? And they'll ask me for my parents' details-oh my dad is this Greek god, Poseidon in fact, and unfortunately the wine god asked me to look after his stall while he gets lunch...so it's not my fault."

Percy sat there looking glum.

"PERCY!" Annabeth yelled as she tackled him onto the floor…

"Oh my gods! I am about to be minced into delicatessen meat…NOOOO! I am too young to be eaten…

"Calm down, it's just me, Annabeth! Thank the gods you are not minced…So what happened?"

Meanwhile…

"_Prince of Tennis_ huh?" mused Poseidon, a sudden light bulb flashed on and exploded… "Athena is a genius…"

He walked towards the information desk…

Meanwhile…

Hermes and Apollo still have smiles pasted on their faces, except they were real as they launched into their last song.

"The Medallion calls…from _The Pirates of the Caribbean_!" Announced Apollo

"Enjoy," added Hermes!

There were people cheering and clapping as they finished and Apollo whistled, "I just love female attention," as there were these really hot girls staring up at him in wonder… "Artemis never let me call her Hunters 'sweetie' or 'honey'… Sisters…they are sooo annoying," continued Apollo.

"I love adoring fans…" said Hermes practicing his signature on his arm…

"Thank you, have a nice day peoples…and before we go any questions?" asked Apollo casually…he was hoping he could get a hug maybe…

A girl raised her hand… "Yes," said Apollo

"Um this one's for the other one…"

"Yes?" asked Hermes uncertainly

"Um, what's your favorite song?" the girl questioned

"Ugh, Star Spangled Banner?" Hermes replied, Apollo cringed

"Hmm a patriot I see…Can I get a hug?"

"Ugh sure," replied Hermes and gave this random girl a hug…

For a second Apollo thought all was lost as no one raised even an eyebrow…but just then a girl at the back raised her hand…she had an unearthly aura about her and her face radiated with health and beauty…

"May I get a hug as well?"

Apollo shrugged, "Sure,"

Just before the girl was getting off the stage she looked Apollo in the eye… "Yup, sisters are sure annoying," she whispered so only Apollo can hear, "By the way stop talking about my Hunters behind my back…It's rude…" and she walked off in a patch of silvery moonlight.

"My-my sis?" Apollo stammered

"Yup sure looks like it…" replied Hermes amused, "What a great way to end the show. Thank you, take it easy!" he shouted.

* * *

Artemis: That was so cool…Genius! Love pranking Apollo…

Me: Yeah that was cool…

Apollo (giving us evils): SO not funny…stop spying on me…

*Silence prevails-everyone laughs on the inside*

Poseidon: Athena is a genius…

Athena: Oh nah…

Hades: Have you seen my _Twilight Sensations_ washing powder?

Everyone: Ugh no…

Hades: Oh man…love that jasmine, black gardenia and wildflower smell…

Everyone else: okay…

Hades: What? Please review…

Percy and Dionysus: Hey I want to say that!

Zeus: NO fighting…

Percy: YAY we are allowed to fight...

*Zeus blasts Percy and Dionysus with stunning bolts and they both fall down unconscious*

Annabeth: Idiots…


	8. Poseidon, god of the seas I presume eh?

Poseidon: Be dolphin friendly!

Hades: … where did that come from?

Poseidon: What? I am reading this eco friendly magazine...

Hades: Oh okay…

Percy: I am still stuck at the stupid stall…

Dionysus: My titans…Percy stop complaining…

Percy: Argh… I hate tests…I hate wine…

Dionysus getting angry: What did you say?

Percy: Argh… I hate tests…

Dionysus: NO the last bit…

Percy: That was the last bit…

Dionysus:

*Due to extreme anger towards a particular demigod, Dionysus went mute for about 10 mins…*

Me: Okay…so how's life…

Zeus: It's good…

Me: Lovely weather we're having eh?

Zeus: Yes just splendid…mind if we have a cup of tea and scones…

Me: No…that would be lovely…

*drops small talk script and leaves to drink tea and eat scones*

"Got anymore bright ideas Hermes?" asked Apollo after they finished the big piano concert,

"Nah not really…"

They both sat there looking so sorry for themselves…

1 min

2min

3min

10mins

"Quickly! This is my last Time Card!" This random dude with a lollipop warned

"Yummy! Lollipop!" said Apollo mesmerized

"Wait we haven't gotten our presents yet…" exclaimed Hermes slapping his thigh, "Ow,"

"Present hunting is boring though," complained Apollo

"Not according to my book," Hermes fished _The Ultimate Guide to a Great Greek Gods Christmas_ out and he slipped this torch underneath which created a light glow and he made this 'ahhhh' sound which you see in _Indiana Jones_ and stuff…

The two gods sat there and peered expectantly at the book… Apollo picked up his hot cappuccino and took a slurp.

"It states," said Hermes, "That present hunting is fun…" he cleared his throat and read, "_The skills comes down to time, money and your godly powers, use you inner mind and see through the mist of which shields your eyes and concentrate…concentrate on the lovely smell of the lotus eaters and indulge in your small world-let which has no oxygen. When you have done this 3 times then take a deep breath…in, out, in, out…good…_

_Now you shall feel relaxed and rejuvenated, put some scented candles around-lavender, vanilla, apple and rose are all good – _Wait a second," finished Hermes, "This isn't present hunting…"

He looked at Apollo who was watching him in a daze…

"Hello…" Hermes waved his hand in front of Apollo,

"Ugh, ah, argh!" yelled Apollo suddenly waking up

"Okay here's the real present hunting article," said Hermes clearing his throat again and read, "_Present hunting...there is only one top tip: Never get Poseidon caviars; never give Zeus a shock pen; Hades hates plants; Artemis never liked lava lamps; Apollo doesn't enjoy pineapple; Ares hates tuxedos; Aphrodite dislikes baggy pants and don't even think about giving Demeter perfume_." An invisible hand scrawled out elegantly the last few letters, "Wow, Apollo, don't you like pineapple?"

"No…"

"Okay what are you waiting for...let's find some gifts!" declared Hermes.

Meanwhile…

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" The Old Man (a.k.a NYT judge) questioned as he looked at Annabeth,

"It's you…" Annabeth gasped

"So demigod…pass me your test sheet please…" he gestured to Percy

"No!" said Percy defensively

"Come on…let me see…"

"No! Never…" yelled Percy

"Come on…just hand it over and I won't dice you up…"

"No! It's private,"

Finally with a few pulling and scratching and Percy screaming like a girl, The Old Man got hold of the test.

On it were pictures drawn with a permanent marker: NYT judge getting stabbed with Riptide; NYT judge's pants falling down revealing pink frill underwear; NYT judge in a whirlpool; NYT judge getting stuffed with English dictionaries; NYT judge drinking toilet water; NYT judge kissing a dog etc.

He raised an eyebrow… "Okay you passed,"

"Really?" asked Percy eyes shining and bright

"Yes really," the judge said smiling tightly…apparently my old friend Dionysus convinced me not to dice you up…if you let me try some of that Sauvignon Blanc that is…"

A crystal wine glass appeared out of thin air and Percy uncorked a bottle and poured, the judge smelt it, looked at it, washed his hands in it (just kidding) and finally drank it.

He finished with an ahhh… "Dionysus sure knows how to make wine… Well fine wine you've got…and even though you drew those rude pictures I will help you a little..."

He waved his hand and nothing happened, "Oh gods dammit…" he muttered and waved his hands once more…finally a subtle light illuminated their stall and in complement he made this ahhh sound like in _Indiana Jones_ and left…

Meanwhile…

"Hello, do you have any tennis rackets?" asked Poseidon in Modell's Sporting Goods,

"Yes, right this way sir…"

The paid-to-be-kind-and-caring assistant led him to a shelf filled with ski caps…

"Whoppsie…I am lost…" she said apologetically, she gets a map out and studies it for 5mins and continues through a mountain full of soccer shoes.

Poseidon looks a little freaked out… he was thinking: _we are trapped in this jungle full of sporting gear and we have lost connection with civilization… Maybe someone some day would say "Poseidon, god of the seas I presume…"_

Poseidon's day dreaming was interrupted by an excited declaration: "Sir! We have arrived!"

"Thank you señora," said Poseidon dramatically and he got weird glances from the assistant…

Poseidon ruffled through a few random bats and came towards one that was white and decorated with black swirls and it seemed to call out to him… "It's beautiful," he whispered, "Hades would love it," once again more weird looks form the other shoppers.

He selected it paid and left the shop…but he wasn't done yet…he still had miles to go…

Annabeth: Do you like Dr. Livingstone?

Poseidon: No why?

Annabeth: Well that 'I presume' thingy was said when a reporter found Dr Livingstone after two years of him losing contact with civilization…

Poseidon: Athena, your daughter knows too much…

Athena: Stop talking like spy…

Poseidon: Just because the people chose you to be the patriot goddess of Athens…

Athena: OMT, not that old grudge again…

*Poseidon and Athena turn into their true godly forms and fights while all the demigods run out of the room crying, "Domestic violence, domestic violence…" since nobody wanted to get turned into a pile of ashes on Christmas Eve while the Gods all shout: "Fight, Fight, Fight!"*

Me *wearing blindfold*: Sigh just break it up guys...

Athena: The author is right; we might turn our kids into a pile of ashes…

Zeus, Hermes, Poseidon and all the others: TOO RIGHT

*They stop fighting*

Dionysus: Yay, I've got a 5 star rating for my Merlot, Chardonnay, Riesling and Sauvignon Blanc!

Zeus: I am happy for you son…

Apollo strumming on guitar: Don't forget to review!


	9. Hades knows

Me: Bonjour! Ciao! Guten Tag!

Everyone else: What's gotten into you?

Me: I feel really foreign…

Everyone else: Oh okay…

Me: Check out my taco shop!

Everyone else: You have a taco shop?

Me: Yup…

Luke: Can I try one?

Me: Sure what would you like?

Luke: Pineapple, cheese, mince, lettuce, pepperoni and olives…

Percy: Argh! You eat olives?

Luke: Yup!

Apollo: Yuck! You eat pineapple?

Luke: Yup!

Poseidon: You like anchovies?

Luke (very smartly): No, sir, my heart belongs to my pepperoni...

Everyone apart from Luke: … Why is he acting all lovey dovey?

*Everyone falls down with shock, I walk away La La La La La~*

* * *

"Hey how's this?" Hermes asked Apollo pointing to a marine toilet seat in _Macy's_,

"Do you think Poseidon really want a toilet seat?" asked Apollo intrigued,

"Maybe, you never know with our family…" replied Hermes,

"Not everyone's as random as you my good friend," sighed Apollo,

Hermes thought for a moment… "Apollo if you were Poseidon what would you want?"

"Some bling for my trident…" answered Apollo

"I don't think older gods like 'bling' that much…"

"Seriously, from one young fun loving god to another: Zeus has a 20ct diamond ring, a $$$ necklace made out of celestial silver and gold panned from the river Styx and he attaches some occasional moonstones onto his master bolt…"

"Wicked, can't wait to give Zeus a run for his money!" answered Hermes dreamily…

"Look…I think you should give Poseidon something like chocolate... I mean everyone loves chocolate right?"

"Yeah, thanks bro…I owe you one…" replied Hermes

"Mmm talking about owing me stuff…how about you buy me some branch?" asked Apollo eagerly.

Meanwhile…

"Ohhh…Lovely wine, so beautifully packaged," said a woman looking at the wine, Percy looked down and saw there were these pretty gift boxes and ribbon that weren't there before, "Bathroom doors for Camp Half-Blood here we come!" he cheered under his breath and suddenly knew what to do…

"Madam, if you buy 2 you get one ½ price and it comes with a beautifully packaged box," said Percy showing her,

"How much are they?" asked the woman frowning... "It must be quite pricy,"

"Not at all…the red wines are priced from $10-40 and the whites are priced $15-30.

The woman bit her lip and thought about it for awhile...

"I think this would be a good present for my cousin, he loves wine but I am not really an expert so I don't know. Which one should I buy?"

"Well," continued Percy, "Riesling goes well with fish and is a light wine generally with apple aromas, this one here is $20,"

"Okay, sounds nice the woman replied, I'll take one," Annabeth took a shimmer-y purple box out and placed it gently in.

"Well, Merlot is really nice, it's soft and easy to drink, black cherry and herbal are typical aromas," explained Percy,

"I love herbal," the woman said and did the hula, Annabeth raised an eyebrow but Percy was on a roll,

"Now Point Noir is special, one of the noblest red wines, excellent with grilled salmon, chicken and lamb, is a very delicate and sweet little wine," he continued, like talking about a real person, "The aromas are very fruity: cherry, strawberry and plum often with notes of tea leaves and the hearty, calming fragrance of worn leather and damp earth..."

The lady was impressed, wow that sounds like a wine we should all try some…how much?"

"$25, cheapest"

"Okay, I'll take the Point Noir as well,"

Annabeth finished tying a pale lilac bow and handed it to the woman, "Thank you,"

"No, thank you," said the woman as she disappeared into the crowd.

"The blessing of Dionysus," Annabeth gasped as the were alone once more,

"The wah?" asked Percy not remembering anything,

"The blessing of Dionysus, you knew so much about wine…"

"I did?" asked Percy lying on the ground in exhaustion, "Must breathe,"

He didn't breathe through the entire conversation.

"Come on Seaweed brain, we've got more customers…" lined up in front of their stall were around 10 people waiting in a queue.

"Okay we need: a large supply of wine and a lot of oxygen for me…" Percy finished.

Meanwhile…

"Do you sell knives?" Poseidon asked the assistant politely, the assistants eyes fell on the rainbow sprinkles glued to Poseidon's black beard… (He ate an ice cream and he lost the napkin).

"Eh, yeah…follow me…by the way you got some sprinkles stuck to your beard…"

Blushing Poseidon hastily wiped them away with some water squirting secretly out of his hand… later the assistant found out that she could swim really well in the sea but not the pool…

"Swiss knives, Gordon Ramsey dicing knives and Jamie Oliver paring knives, we have it all…"

Poseidon casually thanked the assistant and browsed. He found a little Swiss army knife and placed it in his shopping basket…

Suddenly he bent down so he was covered by a giant teddy bear, "Titan's dammit, it's Hades…"

"What are you doing?" came Hades's voice right behind Poseidon,

"Um I thought I saw…someone I owe a drachma to…"

"Oh well in that case…I'll be off…for a second I thought you saw me and decided to hide because you are my Secret Santa…" blabbed Hades

"Ha that is so…funny…" laughed Poseidon a little too eager, "Ha-I mean nah, It's probably Zeus who got you…"

Hades gave Poseidon an amused look and walked off with a spring in his step…

_Poseidon is my Secret Santa la la la la la…_thought Hades.

_I must be careful of spies now..._ thought Poseidon, _Hades knows…_

* * *

Poseidon: This is so unfair...

Me: It's called The Climax

Poseidon: It's called pure annoyance

*Hades rubs his hands together with glee*

*Poseidon thinks about it for a moment (since he ate The Athena Cookie TM) and grins*

Poseidon: Strength sometimes has to bow down to wisdom...

Annabeth: OMGS De javu! That phrase sounds familiar...

Me: You said it when you were 12...in an adventure called _Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief_

Percy: I was in a book?

Me: Yeah...main character actually

Percy: I feel so proud...

*Everyone rolls eyes*

Apollo: Did anyone say pranking?

Everyone else: No?

Hermes: Let's prank someone!

Apollo: Yeah!

*They disappear*

Athena: Don't forget to review!


	10. Greeks all love olives

Apollo: Ahhh! This article is really interesting…

Hermes: Oooo…let's see, let's see!

*Hermes cracks a grin*

Hermes: LOL this is awesome…

*Starts singing*

Hermes & Apollo (to the tune of Feliz Navidad):

Police stole my car,

Police stole my car,

Police stole my car

Prospero Año y Felicidad.

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas  
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas  
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas  
From the bottom of my heart.

*They finish with arms in the air and smiling happily*

Zeus: Remember how Hermes once stole your precious cattle… you got soooo mad, but look at you now…good friends huh?

Apollo: Ugh yeah that old incident…

Athena: Why are we talking about displeasing arguments…It's Christmas

Zeus: You should have seen Apollo's face when he discovered someone stole his cows…

Athena: Anyways changing the subject...

Clarisse: How about we continue with the story…

Everyone: Good idea!

* * *

"Apollo, thank you," said Hermes staring at his zip lock bag, "For making my wallet lighter…"

'No problem' was what Apollo was intending to say but it came out as, "Mo phroblum,"

Hermes watched disgusted as Apollo stuffed his face full of Subway and some Crepes and waffles from this stall...

"Nice cream, love the passion fruit sauce," commented Apollo, "You know one thing that's awesome about being a god?" Apollo asked Hermes,

"Ugh, you are immortal?"

"You never get fatter than this," answered Apollo pointing to his worked out look,"

"You can also appear like a little kid," said Hermes

"Yeah, I can also appear as an old man, want to see?"

"Nah, I am fine," replied Hermes," Your 18 look and my 25 look is perfect…"

Hermes pretended he didn't know Apollo while he finished his last morsel then said, "Let's go,"

They entered Godiva Chocolatier.

"Hey isn't that Luke?" asked Apollo glancing obviously at Luke who was writing a name on a tag of a box of ice cream inspired truffles. Apollo crept closer for a better look, he ran back to Hermes stifling giggles, "It's Thalia Grace, Luke is giving it to Thalia Grace!"

Hermes frowned while Apollo muttered, "Man you are dead when Zeus finds out…"

"Come on don't jump to conclusions..." said Hermes more reassuring himself than anything else, "I mean it could be for Secret Santa…"

"Hey, hey don't forget I am the oracle god and I've got a feeling that it's not Secret Santa…" said Apollo puffing his chest out but accidentally bumping into an old lady who hits him with her hand bag, "What a rude young man,"

"Ugh, angus old mortals these days," muttered Apollo.

"Come on let's go and find Poseidon some chocolates," announced Hermes.

Meanwhile…

Percy is nearly driven mad by the orders of wine and Annabeth looks really concerned.

"Maybe you should rest," says Annabeth with her big grey soulful eyes,"

"Can't…must get Camp Half-Blood new bathroom doors," stammered Percy his eyes glazed and refusing to rest.

Suddenly…

Grover rushes in YAY!

"Grover you came, now you can help us manage Dr M, I mean Mr D's stall…" cheered Annabeth,

Grover leaves trolley and tackles Percy down in an enormous goat hug, "It's good to see you again Perce..."

"Later," managed Percy, "But first we must deal with all these people…"

"I have a plan," muttered Grover darkly

"Has it got something to do with olive oil?" asked Percy ultra scared

"You bet!" yelled Grover, Percy tried to run away while Grover and Annabeth pushed him to the ground, cop and criminal style...

"Don't move, or I'll shoot!" said Grover menacingly

"Arghhh! Let me go!" shouted Percy playing the part of the criminal…

"You have the right to remain silent," added Annabeth catching on…

"Okay we must lessen the effect of Dionysus's blessing, it's going to drive you mad," said Grover getting all serious again,

"Okay what do we do?" asked Annabeth,

"Annabeth you manage the stall, while I deal with Percy," said Grover full of confidence and dragging Percy behind cardboard cartons printed with: _Long Island Sound Winery_.

Grover dragged out an olive oil bottle and Percy squeezed his eyes shut, "NO! NO! Not olive oil!"

"Come on dude, you're half Greek man and Greeks love olives!" said Grover trying to sound bright and cheerful,

"Not ME!" shouted Percy,

"When we lessen the effect it will cut the number of people that come to this stall…They are drawn to the blessing!"

"Why does it always have to be me?" asked Percy, "Why do I always get stuck in sticky situations like trapped with a poisonous Chihuahua in the St Louis Arch? Why? Why?"

Grover shrugged, "I don't know maybe it's because you like sushi?"

Percy moaned while Grover got hold of a handful of olive oil and prepared to sprinkle on Percy, he muttered a prayer to Pan and smothered the oil on Percy's face…

"Ugh! I can't breathe!" shouted Percy sputtering, "Wait I smell licorice and wild honey and fresh grass…" he said after awhile.

"It worked!" cheered Grover while Percy laid back against some wine cartons…

"Here have a Kit Kat…" offered Grover,

"Thanks," said Percy wiping the oil off his face and munching his chocolate…

"It's not over yet," said Grover as Percy started to sigh with relief…

"WAH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" asked Percy frustrated,

"I mean…we have to do The Cool Egyptian Dance to make the effect permanent…" said Grover apologetically.

"No…" whispered Percy

Meanwhile…

"You look out for an oily headed dude dressed like a Gothic rock musician…" Poseidon instructed to a blue and white dolphin soft toy in Macy, "Yes sir," the dolphin replied saluting with difficulty…

"Um sir, are you talking to the soft toys because those aren't the voice responding ones…" said an assistant looking puzzled.

"Ugh, no, not at all, I was just um reciting my lines for a speech I need to do at my brothers wedding…"

The assistant gave him a final look as if not quite believing him and finally walked away…

"Phew that was close," muttered Poseidon when…

"Momma, why is that man with the beard talking to himself?" asked a little girl,

"Yes we'll go to Burger King if you want to…" replied her mother looking at some cutlery…

Poseidon walked away before they could gather enough evidence and put him in a straight jacket…

He walked past some mini MP3's and slid it into his basket looking around for spies of Hades but he later found an assistant was marking him since he acted very suspicious…

"Swiss army knife, check, MP3, check, digital timer (for when Hades bakes a cake), check, tiny umbrella and fan, check, toilet paper dispenser…ugh no... score flippy book thingy, check, CCTV surveillance system, check and finally cheering sound effects with button, check," said Poseidon sitting in the food court eating Teriyaki chicken sushi (since eating salmon and tuna is just wrong for him) and going through the things he brought…

The stuff came in an environmentally friendly brown paper bag so Poseidon felt relaxed and protected against Hades's spies…

* * *

Hermes: Why does my son have to give Thalia chocolates?

Me: Ugh makes the story a bit more interesting, people jumping to conclusions etc

Zeus: Hey everyone!

*Hermes pales*

Hermes: Luke we need to have a word…

Luke: Daaad! I am 22 and you look 25 you don't need to wrap me in cotton wool…

Hermes looking offended: LUKE! Do you know how old I am?

Luke: Ugh let's see…hmm 2000+10+1200…ugh-

Hermes: Older than you by a lot!

Luke: Okay, okay

*They walk off to talk about stuff*

Zeus: What was that about…?

Me: Um apparently Luke was buying chocolates for Thalia

Zeus: Oh yummy! I need to remember to ask her for some…

Me: Hermes isn't pleased…they are having a father to son chat…

*Hermes and Luke's voices drift towards everyone else*

Hermes: OMT Nintendo Wii is sooo awesome

Luke: Yeah, love that tennis

Hades: TENNIS? Where?

Everyone else: …

Zeus: Trust Hermes to have a proper chat…

Everyone else: Come on he's your son after all…

Zeus: I don't know where I went wrong with him…so immature…

*Apollo eating hot dog comes in*

Artemis: It's lucky he's a god…he'll be sooo fat if he wasn't

Apollo: Shut up sis…

Artemis: Okay guys please review…Apollo is sooo annoying!


	11. Dr Apollo proves something

Me: Yawn…

*Everyone else does their own thing*

Me: Hello?

*Everyone starts watching _Star Wars the Clone Wars_ and calling Luke, Luke Skywalker*

Me: This is a sad, sad day even my own characters are ignoring me…

*Silence*

Me: I am back…

*Still nothing*

Me: Pshhh…

*Gets out a Kit Kat and stares at it randomly*

Grover: OHHH! Can I have it?

Me: Ohh so now someone talks to me…

*Grover fidgets nervously*

*I much happily on chocolate bar*

Grover: Can I have half?

Me: Tell me why no one will talk to me and I'll give you half…

Grover: Ugh because their minds got turned to stone by Aunty Em's T.V set.

Me: So how come you are not in La La Land?

Grover: Where's La La Land?

Me: Never mind.

Grover: Anyways…Hermes told Apollo to tell Annabeth to tell me that: could you put some zest and bang into this story? They are getting bored shopping for chocolate.

Me: Man, characters are getting harder and harder to satisfy.

* * *

"Sigh, this is the worst Christmas ever," moaned Percy, can't wait to go back to camp…

"This is payback for the time you accidentally dropped Dionysus's toothbrush on the germ filled boys toilet floor," replied Grover certainly,

"Whatever,"

With a bright flash Mr D appears, "What? You dropped my toothbrush on the floor?"

"No…Mr D…WE GOT YOU A NEW ONE…" said Percy eying Grover

"Yeah Mr D, it's time we go now…you are back from your lunch break, we sold enough wines to feed an army…we should get going now…" reasoned Grover

Mr D thought about this for a minute... "No,"

"What?" asked Percy incredulous,

"No,"

"I heard you the first time you mean camp director," said Percy sulking. A thick cream colored piece of paper appears in front of Percy and in thick black marker read:

_Name: Prissy Johnston_

_Age: 16 or 5_

_Species: Demigod_

_The art of ticking off the MIGHTY GODS! : __**A +**_

_Keeping his arrogant comments to himself: __**F **_

_Looking after his director's stall: __**Not achieved**_

_Being nice to the wider public: __**Not achieved**_

_Comments:_

_Dionysus (wine god): A very hyper student. A joy to teach BUT I don't teach him and will NOT, so there._

_The Oracle of Delphi (old mummified version): The future is certain for this demigod. He is either turned into a dolphin by Dionysus or in more severe cases, he will drench Clarisse in toilet water and get pulverized._

_**Mr. D**_

_**ORACLE**_

_**Camp Half-blood**_

"Now GET OUT OF MY STALL!" shouted Dionysus officially firing Percy, Annabeth and Grover.

"Hmph, so much for toilet doors for Camp Half-Blood," muttered Percy staring at his 'report card'.

"So guys, what do we do now?" asked Grover dejected,

"I haven't gotten Bianca's present yet…" started Percy

"What are you waiting for?" asked Grover, "Go and get it then…"

"Yeah! Come on!" shouted Percy, he started to walk forward and stopped after awhile since he realized his friends were just standing there.

"You guys! Come on!" urged Percy,

"Ugh sorry…but back at the stall it was really tough and we need a break, so we won't be assisting you on this quest, good luck!" with that Grover and Annabeth walked off sighing and laughing with relief that they are finally free.

"Man, I feel so wanted. Where's that aura of charm when I need it? Look at that, ditched by my friend and my girlfriend could this day get any more perfect?"

Meanwhile…

Hermes and Apollo walks out of the chocolate shop… Hermes carried a large pink glittery parcel and Apollo looked bored.

"What shall we do now?" asked Apollo… "I would rather go back to Olympus …"

"Let's go to the cafeteria and play a game!" suggested Hermes

"Oh man… I am not 6,"

"Too right, me neither," realized Hermes

They walked around looking at the glittering trees and baubles getting more and more agitated.

"I know! An energy drink with extra caffeine will calm you down my friend," said Apollo to Hermes

"Wait- doesn't that make you more agitated?" asked Hermes

"No, it makes you feel lovely and fresh like you had a bath in the river Styx…" chided Apollo,

"Hold your sun chariots! Doesn't bathing in the Styx make you dissolve and gives you the Achilles Curse?"

"No, that's if you are mortal…and according to me, Hermes you are not mortal…"

"I am not?" started Hermes, "WAIT! Of course I am NOT!" he finished

"Yes! There we go! That's the spirit!" cheered Apollo,

"I dunno…" answered a troubled Hermes, "I've heard caffeine is really addictive and stuff…"

"Now, you either listen to my judgment or listen to yours," said Apollo slyly,

"I am going with mine," said Hermes with confidence,

"No, you've got it all wrong!" sighed Apollo with such a good fake sadness that would've made Dionysus proud, "You listen to me, I am the god of medicine and oracles so I know my stuff…"

"Yeah okay," said Hermes falling under Apollo's enchantment, "Yeah you are right, Hercules probably had a _Red Bull_ before he went to battle eh?"

"Yes, of course he did," answered Apollo in a voice fit to talk to a little child, "Of course he did!"

With that Apollo whisked him away towards a food bar and brought him an energy drink,

"It's on me my pal," said Apollo as Hermes reached for his wallet (a.k.a the Zip Lock Bag).

They sat down at a Japanese style restaurant and Apollo ate sushi while Hermes gulped down his energy drink (all 700mls of it with extra caffeine) and Apollo produced Haikus in that time.

"Me eating sushi

In a Japanese style hut

Getting all relaxed."

"This morning was cold

My Ferrari bed was hot

I am so awesome!"

Meanwhile…

Nico and Bianca were celebrating.

"OMGS! I am not a wispy form anymore!" cried Bianca! "I am drinking hot chocolate!"

Nico just sat there with this happy cheesy expression on him that's so unlike Nico.

They both bought their presents already since they were steady responsible _Hades's kids_.

"We could host a show!" suggested Nico, "A cool family show!"

"A family show? We are just kids! How are we supposed to do anything?

"But dad likes shows!" said Nico happily, "And he's Hades!"

"Yeah that's awesome!" said Bianca a little sarcastic, "Your point?"

"WE PRAY!" shouted Nico which got some weird stares, "Watch and learn…"

He closed his eyes.

_**Hey dad!**_

Nothing

_**3mins later**__,_ a voice whispered in his head

_**It's the dude with the lollipop! What are you doing here? **_Nico thought

_**Ohhh! So now I am famous! Everyone knows the DUDE WITH THE LOLLIPOP! **_

Some guy thought sarcastically,

_**I don't know you okay just go away! **_

_**No! Make me**__! _Thought-shouted THE DUDE _**HA HA HA!**_

Nico's eyes flew open.

"Wow what happened?" asked Bianca, "It looks like you heard something bad."

* * *

Hermes: Hey Zeus, hey author, hey Luke, hey Nico, EVEN HEY ARTEMIS!

Poseidon: Your point?

Hermes *glaring at Apollo*: Oh nothing in particular…

Me *angry glares at everyone except Grover which I shot daggers at*: Why did you guys ignore me?

*Everyone fidgets*

Me: Hmph! Like I would be buying you guys Kit Kats for Christmas anymore…OR Toblorine for that matter *Stares at Apollo*

Annabeth: It was because you were offline for so long... we sort of forgot you…

Me: It's because of something called School, Computer Break Downs and No Time…

Hermes: Also known as: SCBDNT!

Percy: And the Medusa T.V set was real as well *Stares at Clarisse*

Somebody knew who to borrow a T.V set from huh?


	12. Luke can't sing like Nick Jonas

Me: Man I hate the Pythagoras Theorem! We have to do THE TEST!

Annabeth: What test?

Grover: The test to see if you qualify for a cookie! Duh!

Hermes: No, no, no my young demigods, you've got it all wrong! It's the test to see if you can withstand the great temptation of coffee with extra caffeine!

Me: Yes!

Hermes *in pompous voice*: Genius at work here, genius at work

Me: I mean NO!

Everyone else: What?

Me: I mean…You guys are all Greek right?

Everyone else: Yeah…

Me: So you guys can probably get your head around the Pythagoras Theorem! I mean even Medusa would know!

*Medusa appears*

Medusa: Who's Pythagora?

Annabeth: Mum...look her in the _eye _and explain…

Athena: Wait…can gods get turned into stone?

Poseidon: Man, you turned my ex girlfriend into a Gorgon, you should know

Athena: I should?

Poseidon: Thank you for this lovely monster you've created…

Athena: It's your fault she was your girlfriend…

*Everyone runs out of the room before they can change into their true forms and fight again*

Me: I failed trying to get help with math from a bunch of Greeks- especially Greeks who are at least an eon old-

Apollo: HEY!

Me: And probably knew Pythagoras himself…

Apollo: Yeah Hades *Nudge nudge*

* * *

"Hah, a yellow toothbrush, I bet they don't have that in the underworld…" muttered Percy dejectedly, "Or a book that says: _Percy Jackson and the Olympians_ on it! Wait that's just dodgy…"

"Or a raincoat that has Hello Kitty all over it…" said a mysterious voice

"Yeah, Hades sure hates Hello Kit- wait, who said that?" asked Percy a little scared, "If you are a ghost I suggest you leave me alone because I know Nico Di Angelo..."

"I am not a ghost," answered the voice, amused,

"Then who are you?"

"Or what am I. That's the better phrase,"

"Okay…"

A cream coloured unicorn (a fake one obviously) with a rainbow printed on its butt walked out from behind a pillar,

"Dot, dot, dot," muttered Percy, it was a large costume like the ones people put on at fairs or something... definitely not appropriate for a demigod Percy's age (which is 5 according Dionysus) but anyway…

"Hey there I am Hermes…"

"No, No, NO! You are supposed to say: I am THE CREAM PONY!" shouted a voice which came from an unidentified source,

"Oh yeah, I forgot, this caffeine is making me hyper," replied Hermes's voice a little embarrassed,

"Oh my titans just read the script," said The Voice

"Oh yeah, ahem, take two…Wie ist Ihr Name?"

"Uh sorry?" replied Percy frowning,

"That's just 'what's your name?' in German," replied the Cream Unicorn

"Oh yeah, Michael," replied Percy,

"No…it's Percy," said the Unicorn puzzled, "Anyways call me Cream of Tarter, Cream for short,"

"Yeah, Hermes you might like to come out of that thing…that undignified costume and just… you know be the fun loving god you are…" commented a weird-ed out Percy

"Um what do I say now Apollo?" whispered Hermes,

"Read the script, by the way I am not Apollo…"

_OMGS what have I got myself into? _Percy thought to himself, _I just can't believe it! The sun god and the messenger god are doing some pretty weird things...I need to capture this…_

Meanwhile...

Luke was strumming a guitar in some music shop and humming a familiar tune…

"_Hey there Thalia, what's like in some random city_

_I am a thousand miles away but girl tonight you look so pretty_

_Yes you do_

_Olympus can't shine as bright as you_

_That is true… _

Dah dah dah dah…" Luke hummed and sang,

"Hey Luke!" shouted a familiar voice

Luke whirled around, "Ugh Thalia, hi!"

"What are you doing?"

"Checking out this awesome guitar…why?" answered Luke casually

"Oh 'cause I heard some singing, sounds like _Hey There Delilah_…"

"Yeah…I sing like Joe Jonas…" admitted Luke

"Oh yeah?" questioned Thalia… "More like Hey There Thalia sang with a 'Luke' voice…"

"In your dreams Thalia Grace," teased Luke

"More like your worst nightmare turned into reality," Thalia shot back, "_Luke Skywalker_,"

"Hey don't call me tha-" started Luke, but a poorly recorded sound came on, the sounds were distinguishable: Luke singing. Badly.

"Thalia YOU ARE DEAD!" shouted Luke

"If you had Backbiter I would be dead BUT apparently Kronos is 'borrowing' it to cut up the Christmas turkey so I guess you'll just have to wait," sang a happy Thalia,

"Christmas turkey?" asked Luke

"Yeah…"

"Because I love turkey…especially when Kronos cooks it, it's so rich and juicy and, and I just LOVE the stuffing: apricot, rosemary and rum…Oh my gods Thalia you need to try some…"

"Hey did you just forget that I am pissing you off and you are supposed to get mad at my hurtful comments?"

"Who cares?" cried Luke, "Post that on _You Tube _whatever… But I am off to tell Zeus to invite Kronos over and to bring his turkey…"

Meanwhile…

"The show isn't going to work…" sulked Nico, dad is busy…

"Told you so…" Bianca sang

"Okay you give me an idea what we should do…" said Nico all depressed,

"We shop, we eat stuff and act all nice and responsible like the way Hades's kids should act," replied Bianca like that was the most awesome thing ever,

"Ew, that's boring," shivered Nico, "What happened to you in the Underworld?"

Bianca stared blankly at Nico and said, "Being dead makes you boring, like more boring than ever, all you do is drift around the fields of Asphodel and do NOTHING,"

"Well since you are sort of alive for now let's get you out of a coma…" suggested Nico

"Like doing what?" asked Bianca,

"Like putting on a pantomime for everyone else back at camp!" replied Nico

"Yeah okay," Bianca said reluctantly, in fact she only said that because she wanted to make her brother happy.

Nico produced a piece of pure black paper, darker than pitch black (which is like the blackest of black) and produced another chalk-ish writing equipment but it glowed very softly like moonlight, "Let's get planning!" he announced.

* * *

Nico: That paper was cool!

Me: I have no idea what that was…

Hermes: OMT you have no idea how stuffy it is inside that unicorn…

Me: Believe me, I have a lot of ideas…

Zeus: Sup guys!

Apollo: When did Zeus get so 'Suppy' and trying to be young?

Athena: Dad's just practicing his teenage slang…

Apollo: Wow! You do know everything!

Athena: Wow! That took you long enough to realize!

Me: But! I bet you can't tell me if gods can get turned into stone or not by Medusa!

Poseidon *poking me with his trident*: Here we go again, can we please ditch this topic?

Athena: No! In fact Uncle Poseidon should just face the music…

Poseidon: RAWR

Athena: The only reason why I turned her into a monster was because you are so bad at dating…

*They start to blab and blab and blab like old enemies while everyone else all exit the room to play Scrabble, no wait Luke wants to play Monopoly so yeah we all went to play Monopoly*.


	13. Did you hear about the desert joke?

Me: Wow, Ancient Greeks are generally really smart!

Percy: What are we talking about?

Me: I mean you guys have Aristotle, Daedalus, Pythagoras, Plato and many more, PLUS Greek was the country who started democracy! Seriously Greeks are so well remembered!

*Hermes and Apollo gave each other 'The Eyebrow'*

Hades *mumbling to himself*: I need to congratulate them later…

*Everyone shifts uncomfortably to the complement*

*Awkward Silence*

Thalia: It was so funny when we played Monopoly…

Apollo: Yeah!

Poseidon: Why what happened? I missed the fun…

Hermes *smirking*: Well Luke got rich really fast and he was like, "Keep the change!" to everyone he gave money to…

Athena (who also didn't play since she was having a fight with Poseidon): Well isn't that a good thing? Giving to the poor?

Apollo: Nah we weren't poor…we were millionaires!

Hermes: But Luke was a billionaire!

Percy: But then he became broke…

Annabeth: This isn't even funny…Why are we talking about it?

Thalia: It's an Awkward Silence Breaker!

Me: I don't' know what to say…

Annabeth: Oh NO! Not another Awkward Silence…

*Awkward Silence*

Eventually…

Me: Let's just get on with the story...chocolate mud pie anyone?

Luke: Ooooo! Who made it?

Me: Kronos…he sort of delivered it here a few minutes ago…

*Luke rushes to get to the cake but was held back with Poseidon's water spraying system, Hades's ground opening- the next Grand Canyon and Zeus's Wall of Shocks…*

* * *

"_Turn your face away from the garish light of day, turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light and listen to the music of the night_…" Cream (the unicorn, remember?) jumped out from behind an aisle with a half mask on his face and a dark spooky Dracula cape on his horsey back while singing in a Gerald Butler voice to _The Music of the Night._

"Stop smothering me!" yelped Percy real loud as Cream shoved his pony face right into Percy's face and sang in a bass voice, "_Oh, caught in a bad romance_."

Without warning Percy turned on his heel and left the shop, he had enough of torture and annoying feats from his camp director, his friends and even his family, i.e. Apollo and Hermes. He was going to have a holiday and no one can stop him.

"Wait up!" shouted an unidentified source as Percy turned and ran at top speed through the mall towards the entrance, "Follow him!"

"But that's not on the script…" replied Hermes's voice all goody goody,

"Arghhhh! Just do it!" yelled The Voice

"Okay!" said a happy unicorn as it clip clopped down the marble stairs, "Exercise is good!"

Outside the sky was a solemn grey and pale blue with bare branches creating fractures in the sky. Percy huffed and puffed as he ran towards a taxi, "Take me somewhere!"

"You running away from home kid?" asked the taxi driver with a frown on his face, "Well bad choice of day I'd say, because your mum might buy some faulty Christmas light's and it'll set the tree on fire and the first thing that'll burn are your presents!"

"Eh?" asked Percy, "Wait won't that happen anyway if I didn't run away?"

"Stirling is a good prince name-" started the driver '_going off on a tangent_' according to Percy's English teacher.

"Just take me somewhere isolated!" interrupted Percy,

"$$$$," said the driver, which really just sounds like KACHING!

Percy shoved his remaining money in the driver's face which is quite a lot since he didn't spend any…

"Way to go kid! Hop in!" said the taxi driver's eyes flashing bright with joy, he slammed on the accelerator just as a cream coloured, disorientated unicorn clip clopped towards the taxi.

Meanwhile…

"Hello and welcome to Kronos's cook along live this Christmas Eve!" shouted Luke to a studio audience and also to Prometheus who's in charge of the camera. "I know you guys out there struggle with the perfect turkey and glazing or the perfect entrée and dessert but NEVER FEAR KRONOS IS HERE!" shouted Luke as Kronos entered through a side door.

"_I say to you today my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment I still have a dream- _wait wrong speech…" Kronos shuffled his cards and turned some the other way and began again with more gusto, "We all have our bad days…rabbits might have bad _hare _days…_H-A-R-E _get it?" There were a few muffled giggles and nervous laughs since Oceanus held up a large marble slab on which was inscribed: _Laugh for your life_.

"Anyways I am here to teach you how to cook up the perfect Christmas dinner for your whole family, weather they're vegetarian," Kronos said gesturing towards Prometheus (He got his liver eaten by a huge eagle-that puts him off eating meat) "Or they are kids and love food-Apollo…my grandson, (I think) is like that, or they are just plain posh. I have the perfect menu to please all…"

Kronos's kitchen studio was decorated with large Christmas trees shining with fairy lights and baubles placed under a 10ft tall ceiling, small shrubs that were trimmed to form a swirling shape stood in large glazed pots, garlands with holly hang everywhere and shiny golden fabric decorated benches and tables. Kronos put on a Twi-Heart apron and peered over at the audience, "I know, I know this is a random apron but it's NOT MINE!" There was deathly silence, partly because Oceanus was holding up another slab that said: _If you're smart you would shut up, say… ABOUT NOW!_

Kronos sensing that he should start his show said, "Luke tell everyone what's first up on the menu."

Meanwhile...

"Let's see…we need:

1. A puffy dress,

2. A wand

3. Some backdrops

4. Some fairies (rainbow colours)

6. A really mean evil lady

and…

7. All the other necessary props…" Nico chanted ticking off the stuff on his pitch black paper and nodding.

"Yum this Danish pastry is really nice!" mumbled Bianca crunching on the last bit of pastry…

"This is going to be just epic! The attention! The fame! I can just imagine it all…" said a far away Nico with double glazed eyes,

_Joining us now we have Nico Di Angelo the stunning new star of the blockbuster movie of the year: Passionate Indigestions, hello Nico! Thanks for coming! _An imaginary reporter lady asked inside his head,

"Hello, thanks for having me!" he said out loud,

_This is really exciting isn't it? You working with such big stars…So tell us what the movie is about,_ (Lady Reporter voice again)

"Yeah, basically it's about this girl who comes from a posh rich family and-"

"Nico! Why are you talking to yourself and why do you have this stupid grin on your face?" asked Bianca worriedly,

Nico snapped out of his trance and gave everyone that's staring 'The Eyebrow' which is sort of saying:

_Come on people there's nothing to see, nothing to see. Go about your normal stuff. Guy with the Abe Lincoln hat, why don't you get a bagel… frantic mother of 3, get a manicure; lady in a stupor after a mean looking man stole your purse, call the police…_

There is so much you can say with just 'The Eyebrow'.

Nico shifted uneasily in his seat while the people slowly drifted away and said, "We are doing the Sleeping Beauty!"

"Are you sure immortal adults like fairy tales?" asked Bianca uncertainly

"Yup, they are going to love it sister," replied Nico with determination.

* * *

Me: Hey Apollo, are you Helios or are you guys different people?

Apollo: No…I am actually the god of light while Helios's the god of the sun but people mix us up a lot

Me: How do you know?

Apollo: I checked on Wikipedia…

Me: Pshhh

Poseidon: Hey! Why did the mermaid shut her eyes?

Everyone else: Is this a joke?

Poseidon: Yeah…

Everyone: I don't know… Why did the mermaid shut her eyes?

Poseidon: Because the seaweed! Get it? _Sea-weed_?

Luke: Today is full of dry jokes…speaking of dry jokes: Did you hear about the desert joke? It was dry! Ha ha…ugh ahem

Zeus: Why don't cannibals like eating comedians?

Artemis: Here we go again...

Zeus: Because they taste funny!

Hermes*sarcastically*: Oh that is sooo funny!

Me: Anyways…which divine person would you most like to spend the day with?

Everyone else: Why?

Me: It's just a question I read in a magazine, the original is: _Which celebrity…_

Zeus: Um…Hades…

Poseidon: Ugh…Hades?

Hades: Why does everyone have to say _Hades_? I would choose Athena…

Hermes: Zeus…bling master bolts!

Artemis: My brother?

Me: Aww how nice…your brother…I am sure Apollo would say Artemis

Apollo: Hermes…he's like my best friend now!

Me: What?

Apollo: Hermes…he's like my best friend now!

Me: I heard you the first time, that's sad to Artemis…

Artemis: He is my brother after all…it's normal…

Athena: Artemis

Ares: Percy Punchbag! I mean Jackson...

Percy *rather worriedly*: It has to be a god...

Ares *Grumbling*: Aphrodite then...

All the demigods: My parent and…ask me when the time actually comes that I get to spend time with a god…


	14. Nico tells a magical story

Me: Woosh…I am back!

Everyone else: Yeah, yeah…

Me: Come on, let's have some enthusiasm…

Pack up your troubles and your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile…

Percy: Why are you wearing a puffy yellow tattered ballerina dress?

Me: Who?

Percy: YOU!

Me: Who me?

Percy: YES YOU!

Me (looking puzzled): Couldn't be…

*Percy shakes his head in frustration….*

Luke: Well, well, well I didn't know you like ticking off _demigods_…following Percy's example I suppose?"

Me: Is it me or did I just see Luke grin evilly?

*Suddenly his goons appear and keeps me hostage*

*They all get out swords*

Me: Is it just me or is Luke's evil goons are about to keep me hostage?

Percy: Yup…gotta go…laters!

*All the demigods run out*

Me: Dammit, little help here Hermes…Your son's being pretty bad today….

Hermes: Hey guys…do you want to go for pizza?

Poseidon: Yeah that would be a great idea…

Apollo: Pepperoni and salami here I come!

*All the gods go to grab pizza…*

*Luke's goons advance…"

Me: I knew I should have taken them to that free Lynx give away place with Taylor Swift singing…

*Suddenly*

Everyone: Happy Birthday!

Me: It's not my birthday…but can we have the cake anyway?

Everyone: Oh…

Luke (to goons): Come on you can go home now…party's over…

Goon Actors: sigh…

* * *

Percy sighed with relief as the taxi accelerated down a steep bridge and over a mountain…and yeah…

"This is as far as I go…" the taxi driver said looking at Percy, they have arrived at a forgotten reserve somewhere. The yellow cab was the only car in the whole car park and just then a particularly large cloud hid the sun. _Talk about spooky_ thought Percy as he looked around the place, there was a small hole like entrance leading into a dark and deep forgotten trail covered with snow and branches…"Solitary confinement here I come," muttered Percy has he ducked under a low branch and into the 'woods'.

The trail was a frozen dirt track surrounded by trees and bushes, it was cold, peaceful and silent and Percy was miserable… "Yeah this is awesome…what a great way to spend Christmas huh," said Percy shivering inside his great coat and pulling his scarf extra tight as a cold gust of wind whistled through the dark skeleton like trees. "You know I sort of regret this…Yup I totally regret this, I could be in a toilet in a warm mall with an annoying unicorn and I wouldn't mind," There was an eerie silence and a light snow began to fall. _I wonder if it's too late to turn back now?_ thought Percy as he glanced behind him, he turned around and started to walk back the way he came. He power- walked and then began to run as he made out in the distance a little round hole that seemed to lead to the car park. He burst out of the bushes with the grace of a ballerina, spinning in the air like Jackie Chan and looking like a younger version of Robeson Crusoe when suddenly a tattered old sign post caught his eye: _Cliff _it read in flaky chipping paint but that was _after _he managed to unscramble what his dyslexia scrambled…but by now it was of course too late…

Meanwhile…

Kronos's $400 fry pan sizzled with sausages and beef as he poured _Campbell's Real Stock _in for the aromas to 'marry' as he puts it and simmer.

"Right okay what I have done is we have but the carrots and the potatoes and all the rest of the stuff in the oven with a bit of olive oil drizzled on top…" announced Kronos in his Scottish accent and waving his free hand dramatically while he fries the meat, "Now we are grilling the meat to go in this ensemble and then it will be bon appetite!"

All was silent for awhile except the sounds of grilling and frying when Kronos started in a very soft voice, "You know tonight's 3 course is made especially for my 3 sons as they invited me to their Christmas Party," Kronos muttered tearfully…I rather do like them -"

he was interrupted by Luke with a, "Sir? I invited you…I just asked for Zeus's permission…" but Kronos ignored him and carried on, "Zeus always smelt of Ozone…puh, Poseidon was a little hard to control and Hades had a bad attitude but family is family," sighed Kronos, "They haven't talked to their dear old father in what feels like an eon…But on a happier note I will be back to plotting their down fall in the New Year!" and with that he threw the perfectly cooked meats into the air-sauce and all and then he ran to the oven, vampire speed and tossed all the tender, juicy vegetables in the air; threw a couple of crisp porcelain dishes up as well and in less than a minute the dishes clashed down in 10 rows and the food rained down perfectly on each dish.

Meanwhile…

"Which one?" asked Nico holding up 2 very long very fairytale-ish dresses, "I just can't decide,

"They're the same Nico," said Bianca looking around at her brother,

"Oh yes they are," mumbled Nico passively, "Anyhoo, I'll get this one for the wedding scene and I'll get the fuchsia satin and lace one for the beginning…"

"Nico, those cost like $80 dollars each," stated Bianca

"No they don't," Nico frowned as he read the price tag and stopped short, "Oh my gods, my wallet's going to become anorexic,"

Bianca snorted in reply, "Come on let's practice our lines in the corner then decide on the costumes,"

Bianca dragged Nico towards the movie cinemas and they found a dark corner and they started to whisper:

"Once _upon a time in a far, far away land lived a beautiful queen and a kind and welcoming king who was loved by all in their kingdom_," said Nico as the 'traditional' narrator,

"_Come on, in those ages everyone wanted to over throw the king_…" said Bianca as the over-critical, pessimistic, no-happily-ever-afters narrator,

"_Can one talk_?" asked the Proper Narrator

"_Carry on_…" said the Modern Narrator

"_Anyways their only trouble was that they had no child, and they became very lonely_-yawn I am tired, let's call it a day and get some more coffee…" whispered Nico to Bianca as he reached the end of his line, "Anyways I can't be bothered with having two narrators, really unoriginal don't you think?"

"Whatever," answered Bianca as they marched off back to the cafe.

* * *

Percy: Whoa!

Everyone else: What?

Percy: You left me on a cliff hanger there!

Me: Yes literally

Percy(biting nails and shifting from foot to foot): Ohhh, are you going to make me fall to my painful, excruciatingly gruesome death?

Me: If I told everyone it wouldn't be a cliff hanger would it?

Percy: I was looking forward to Annabeth looking all lost and mad with grief…

Annabeth: Ahem, I wouldn't be mad with grief…because I am too smart for that and by the way I am guessing you'll just fall-

Me: Shut up okay…

Annabeth: Sorry…

Me: Sigh you guys probably all know right?

Hermes (pretending to be all innocent and child like): Do I get a prize if I tell everyone the answer?

Me: Yes Hermes, yes you do…you get an old shoe filled with maggots and some slimy Neptune's Necklaces…

Hermes: Yay!

Poseidon (responding to everyone's puzzled stare): It's a type of seaweed

Thalia: Hey Percy, are there real mermaids in the ocean?

Percy: Ask my dad

Thalia: Are their any mermaids in the ocean?

Poseidon: Why do you ask?

Thalia: Just because…

Poseidon: Let me tell all you kiddies a story…

_Once upon a time when Oceanus ruled the seas there was a brave sailor who liked to wear short Greek togas and was a hard working fellow…one day…discovered a beautiful shore…he was a bit of a ladies man…saw a mysterious girl on a rock…_

*By this stage every demigod who was sitting down listening drifted off to sleep like babies*

Poseidon (smiling): That's how it's done…


	15. There is no such thing as a 6000th floor

Me: Is it cool being a demigod?

Percy: Yes sure…you have ADHD, dyslexia, and not to mention cool powers…what's not to like?

Me: You're being sarcastic…

Percy (sarcastically): Oh nah…

Me: Seriously…

Annabeth: You battle monsters; people think you have issues…this is the LIFE!

Me: Come on…are you guys going to look at the glass half empty or half full?

Percy: I dunno… but do I get to drink it?

*I roll eyes*

*I smile conspiratorially*

Percy (looking scared): Why's the author doing that?

*I play suspenseful music: DUN DUN DUN*

Poseidon: Not cliff hangers again…

Zeus: Hey have you seen my cupcakes for the SPCA?

*Everyone shrugs*

* * *

"I am soaring, flying,  
There's not a star in heaven  
That I can't reach  
If I am trying so I am breaking free," sang Percy as he free fell down the side of a cliff in a creepy little place…

Below him was a stormy gray sea pounding on the rocks and foam flew everywhere. For some mysterious reason (we totally don't know why) Percy was actually glad…For once in his life he sighed with relief in the face of danger as he stared expectantly at the angry ocean and smiled a I love Poseidon smile and plummeted head first into the cold gray concrete like sea.

For other mysterious unknown reasons (which we still haven't got an answer to) Percy wasn't squashed into a pancake, or stretched into a noodle or crushed by the waves in fact he did a perfect 360 tumble turn as he went under the waves…

"Great my 'holiday' has landed me here, right here in sunny Florida…" Percy added as a great long eel swam past, "This place gives me the chills,"

"Kiddo what are you doing here?" a voice drifted towards Percy in the gloom, "Up is that way!" the crackly voice added ultra slow as if Percy didn't understand English.

"What?" questioned Percy puzzled since he didn't expect anyone to be down this deep in the ocean on Christmas Eve…

"I said up is that way," the voice replied again, "Quick-ity quick! You better get outta here! I don't know no CPR and I don't fancy doing the mouth to mouth thing either. Quickly before you start going blue and losing consciousness,"

Percy swam a few strokes towards the voice and he started to see the outline of a figure, a hunched back frail figure of an old man. "Gasp the hunch back of Norte Dame!" muttered Percy joking to himself but he stopped short as he saw the old man properly in the hazy silt filled ocean.

Meanwhile…

"Where did he go?" asked Cream the Unicorn

"Who cares?" said The Voice as Cream turned to go back into the mall. By now the energy drink had worn off and Hermes a.k.a Cream was getting pretty tired, he clip clopped lethargically up the marble stairs and went to the bathroom to take of his suit followed by the protests of Apollo a.k.a The Voice.

"What should we do now?" asked Apollo sipping a _Sunshine _brand kid-sized tropical fruit juice,

"You know what?" asked Hermes angrily sitting down, "Every bad idea starts with a 'what should we do now?' question,"

"So?" asked Apollo

"So I say we talk about 'the good old days'," suggested Hermes

"The days when we were both at school?" asked Apollo dejectedly

"And the days where Zeus and everyone else wore togas and sandals and when I stole your cows and when Dionysus was drinking wine everyday," added Hermes

"Ohhh! I know! Let's hold a story telling show!" shouted Apollo suddenly

Yeah and we could tell them Greek legends and stuff! It'll be awesome!" added Hermes catching on, "I have to admit it bro, but this is the best idea yet!"

Meanwhile…

"Next…" shouted Nico as he stared at the photos on the classy Paris-style table at the café.

"I think Thalia would be a great Evil Fairy!" commented Bianca,

"Naw, everyone's probably expecting that…we should go for something original…" decided Nico flicking through all the pictures of his friends…

Suddenly he stopped and a wide smile illuminated his whole face, "Yup this is the one!" he smiled, "But first let's get some outfits sorted out…we need to visit Aphrodite…"

"Yeah we just go to Olympus and ask for the goddess of love…good idea…" Bianca said sarcastically

"No wait, we'll just shadow travel to the Empire State building and we go up…"

"Okay…" grumbled Bianca, "But it's because I have nothing to do."

Soon they arrived at the base of the Empire State building and walked into its posh lobby, with its exquisite flowers from Africa and Japan; plush navy carpets and elegant arm chairs, the siblings looked out of place.

Somehow the man behind the desk fell asleep reading _The Christmas Carol_ and Nico had to poke him…POKE POKE POKE,

"Hurgh, what? What's happening?" groaned the Man Behind the Desk groggily, Nico leaned in close, and when I mean close I mean so close that this posh lady wearing a faux (hopefully) shoulder wrap looked at them with disdain.

"6000th floor please…" inquired Nico with this air of importance

"What?" frowned the man, "There is no such thing…"

"Oh come on, I am a demigod, I know my stuff…"

"There is still no 6000th floor…"

Nico looked at Bianca pleadingly and Bianca stifled a smile, " He's right, there is no 6000th floor,"

"Oh yeah, stop playing around Bianca, we're on a mission," whispered Nico loudly emphasizing on the 'mission' part,

"It's 600th floor you idiot, not 6000th," grinned Bianca

"Whatever," blushed Nico as the Man Behind the Desk who was raising an eyebrow,

"Here's you're card, merry Christmas," he said as the handed Nico the card (and since it was Christmas it had 6 Pegasi leading a sleigh with Zeus dressed up as Santa).

"Whoa it was that easy?" asked Nico

"I don't want you causing a scene in this lobby," hissed the man to Nico, "Now go before I change my mind."

* * *

Apollo: See I designed the cover of our 'book' for the story telling

Hermes: I don't need any book, I thought it would be impromptu?

Apollo (raising his arms inspirationally): Don't you see? The kids like story books, especially ones that are thick and heavy with dust and cobwebs!

Hermes: Eww!

Apollo: Hey don't forget that I am your older half-brother! I know best!

Hermes: I can't take that seriously from an 18 year old looking guy… WHEN I LOOK 25!

Me: You guys want caramel hot chocolate? I brought a pack and decided since it's Christmas…I'll share…

*Poseidon raises cup with anchor design and smiles eagerly*

*I pour everyone a mug except for Apollo and Hermes who are still arguing about the 18 and 25 thing*

Poseidon: Cheers!


	16. Hades loves quiches

Me: Long time no see…

Percy: Dammit! I've got the Powerpuff girls theme song stuck in my head!

It's the Powerpuff girls!

Fighting crime, trying to save the world

Here they come just in time!

Everyone else (puts on ear muffs): La La La

Me: Hey Zeus, you know when there's a thunder storm right? The sky looks really scary!

Zeus: Ah, that is because I am a scary god….

*Zeus whips lightening bolt out*

Me: The dark sky and the angry sea…super eerie!

Poseidon: That's because I am a scary god!

*Zeus and Poseidon glares at each other*

Zeus: So who's better at making the landscape eerie?

Me: If I say Zeus…would Poseidon try and drag me out to sea in a rip?

Poseidon: Yes…possibly…I mean… no comment

Me: If I say Poseidon would you try and blow up the next plane I am on?

Zeus: Maybe…

*Zeus touches his lightening bolt suspiciously*

Me: In that case, would you guys satisfy with the answer: you guys both make the landscape more eerie together?

Zeus and Poseidon: NO!

* * *

As Percy neared the old man, he saw clearly what he looked like. Standing before him was an old skinny man. He wore a black beanie over his balding head, a big brown overcoat was draped over his body and he had on some fluffy pink slippers.

"Don't stare. They were my wife's," stated the old man as Percy was looking at his slippers curiously.

"Who are you?" asked Percy

"Who are you?" asked the Old Man

"I asked you first…" pointed out Percy

"I asked you second!" stated the Old Man, "Fine, rock, paper, scissors…who ever wins go…"

So Percy and The Mysterious Old Man played rock, paper, scissors under the sea and they looked like they had a lot of fun when…

"Hah…gun beats rock!" yelled Percy,

"You go first!" yelled the Old Man…

"What? I won!" demanded Percy angrily

"Yeah I said: who ever wins goes!"

"Fine," moaned Percy.

And with that the Old Man escorted Percy into his little cottage and closed the door gently.

"Please, have a seat," said the Old man indicating an old armchair to Percy, "I'll be back with sea apricot cookies and sea cow milk with coffee…"

Percy sat uncomfortably at the edge of his seat and stared around the room. The room was a nice beige colour with old black and white, framed, photographs everywhere. There was another armchair facing Percy and it was threadbare as well. But what surprised Percy most was the T.V standing in the corner.

Meanwhile…

"Gather around children and let me tell you a story," said Hermes as he whipped a huge heavy looking book out from behind his back (which really was his pocket) and opened it to a random page…

There were kids sitting on the floor and parents sitting on chairs but all were looking eagerly at Hermes.

"Okay, our story begins in ancient Greece, way back… when people used to wear togas and sandals," started Hermes with an air of mystery, "Now, there's 12 Olympian gods, who can tell me their names?"

Some of the little kids looked puzzled but some of the older kids put their hands up,

"Yes?" asked Hermes indicating to a girl at the back with her little brother,

"Was it Zeus, Poseidon, Hades, Athena, Hera, Apollo, Hermes, Ares and…and…" the girl frowned trying to remember,

"And Aphrodite, Artemis, Hestia and Hephaestus," finished Hermes, "But you did well," he continued, throwing a sour snake towards the girl,

"Poseidon's not the only one who's giving out lollies," he whispered to Apollo, feeling like a real story teller.

"Anyways, this is the story of how Hermes stole Apollo's sacred cows…" beamed Hermes while Apollo groaned softly from backstage.

"This happened when Hermes was just a baby. He crawled out of his cot and decided to go on an adventure," read Hermes in an amazed voice and raising his eyebrows dramatically. "Along the way he saw some cows that belonged to his half-brother, Apollo and decided to hide them from him."

On that cue, Apollo walked out dressed in a cow suit and started to munch imaginary grass. Hermes beamed, Apollo groaned and the kids laughed happily.

"So how did he steal the cows you ask?" continued Hermes," Well he put all the cows' hooves back the other way and the same with his sandals so it appeared they were walking backwards, he then hid them into a cave."

The cow stopped munching on imaginary grass and walked off backstage leaving hoof prints going the other direction.

"Apollo was very mad as he stormed into Hermes's cave and was not deceived by Hermes playing innocent," continued Hermes.

Apollo walks on stage in a temper helped by the fact this story _did _happen and he remembers every little detail.

"_Your baby-cute looks won't deceive me!" hissed Apollo to Hermes_

"_What do you mean Apollo?" asked Hermes sweetly_

"_Don't play dumb with me! WHERE ARE MY COWS!"_

"_I couldn't have stolen them, I was just born yesterday!" continued Hermes, looking at Apollo with large watery eyes…_

_Apollo ran his hand through his shining blond hair and tapped his feet impatiently._

"_Mummy!" cried Hermes, "Apollo's bullying me again!"_

"Suddenly the sky shook and darkened, 'ENOUGH BOYS!' a powerful voice rumbled," said Hermes, darkly, back to reading the story.

_Apollo brightened, "Come with me to Olympus! We shall seek the justice of Zeus!"_

"It turns out that Zeus laughed at the protests of his two sons and demanded Hermes show Apollo where his cows were and Hermes made it up to Apollo by giving him the lyre he invented and as legend has it he still carry's it with him till this day…" finished Hermes closing the book with a bang, "Now wasn't that sweet?"

A little boy put his hand up.

"Yes?" asked Hermes,

"What happened after that?"

"Well…I am guessing they're still good friends till this day… even though they might get up to some mischief and you never know…Apollo might like to sleep in everyday in winter on his red Ferrari bed…" grinned Hermes slyly, You never know. By the way guys we'll be back with another story after 12."

Meanwhile…

"Are you sure we're at the right place?" asked Nico suspiciously, glaring down at Manhattan as he stepped out of the elevator.

"Nah, we're in the Underworld…" said Bianca sarcastically,

"Yeah but where do we find Aphrodite? I mean does she like live someplace?"

"You're right! Where do we find Aphrodite?" asked Bianca.

Suddenly Artemis appeared, "Welcome to Olympus, how may I help you?"

"Uh yeah, we're here to see Aphrodite…" started Nico when Artemis interrupted,

"Why it's Bianca...How are you my dear?"

"Fine, my lady," answered Bianca politely but obviously very excited,

"Well, I hope Hades wasn't too harsh on you, I mean if you wanted to go to Elysian, apply on a day when he is generally happy. I've got my pudding in the oven though so I'll just send you to Aphrodite, but she may blast you to ashes if you are interrupting her beauty sleep," said Artemis as Nico explained to her why they were here.

Bianca wasn't very worried because she's already dead but Nico was really worried and didn't want to be bored for his entire dead-life in the Fields of Asphodel.

But they had already traveled this far…so they decided to just give it a try. After all, according to Nico's math teacher the probability of Nico being blasted was a good 50:50.

* * *

Nico: I am going to be blasted into ashes!

Me: Right….and you know because…

Nico(totally ignoring me): That means I'll probably see my dad everyday! Yay! Being optimistic is good!

Hades: Great! I so look forward to having you joining the Underworld!

Nico: Dad! I thought we got along after the battle with Kronos! Remember the part where I told you to fight for us and you did?

Hades: Yeah…

Nico: Well, I liked it better when you were nice…

Hades: Ugh, well you always know how to make me feel guilty for my entire, immortal life.

*I hand them father and son bonding brochure*

Me: Well you can always just talk about it… You know share the pain

*Hades walks away muttering*

Hades: People ganging up on me…HUMPH

Poseidon: Percy! Be good when you get to the Underworld, Hades is going to be really mad sometimes.

Zeus: Same goes with you Thalia…

Hermes: And this totally applies to you Luke…NO PRACTICAL JOKES

Luke: Dad! I am in Elysian…I live in a house with loads of tools for playing practical jokes…

Hades: STOP GANGING UP ON ME!

Everyone: Sorry…

Me: Oh well, want some egg and tomato quiche? It's your favorite!


	17. Aphrodite's scary

Luke: HEY!

*Everyone stops*

Luke: You guys are sooooo sad…you didn't leave me any Pringels…

*I chuck Pringle tin in the bin*

Annabeth: Oh come on...we thought you didn't like sour cream and chives…

Luke: I love sour cream and chives…

Clarisse: Kronos's sidekick is throwing a hissy fit! Luke's throwing a hissy fit!

Percy: Just shut up Clarisse…

*Ares smirks*

Me: Would a NY bagel make up for it?

Luke: It's the thought that counts…I can't believe you guys didn't think of me…

SO NO

Me: Come on…it's the one with blueberry…

Luke: HUMPH

Clarisse: With cream cheese!

Annabeth: And turkey!

Percy: With basil paste drizzled on top!

Luke: I bet you guys don't even have it!

Nico: Yes we do!

*We hand all our ingredients to Apollo and he makes one in 0.0009 seconds*

Apollo: And that's what you call hey presto!

Luke: Aww…how nice of you guys…You know what? I just had a really bad day because Hades made me go and see him in his 'office'.

Hermes: Just like when you were in school…

Luke: Yeah dad… and he gave me 'detention'

Everyone else: Why? How?

Luke: Because I made his fountain of eternal spring water into the fountain of temporary wheat grass milkshakes.

Everyone else: So what did you do for detention?

Luke: Oh nothing much…except give Hades a massage, a feet manicure and oh Percy, I saw your step-dad. He's now playing poker in a huge beer barrel and he ALWAYS lose…

Percy: Oh, say hi for me next time…

* * *

The Old Man opened a packet of squashed looking sea apricot cookies and indicated for Percy to eat. He tried one.

No two…actually he ended up eating 10.

"So what's your name?" asked the Old Man

"Uh, Percy Jackson…"

"No that's not your real name…you had to think about it…"

"But it is!"

"No buts!" said the Old Man wagging his finger in Percy's face,

"Fine…It's Chuck Norris,"

"Ah much better,"

"Say how would you know if I really did have a fake name?" asked Percy curiously,

"Well I am with the FBI…"

"Oh really?" asked Percy sarcastically, "Then I am with the CIA,"

"Really? That is absolutely fantastic!"

"Yes it is, and the next moment you tell me you're James Bond," continued Percy

"Oh my! Are you a magician? My name is James Bond!"

Percy pinched himself… "I am the son of Poseidon and no one ever told me of an old man under the sea…" he muttered to himself. "So, James…how come you're living under the sea?" asked Percy,

"Well it began like this:

_I was a young man living on the coast and I fished for a living. The day all this began was a cold winter's day. The sea was choppy and rough and the sky was gray. I caught nothing in my net and I thought I would go hungry, depressed I chucked my net over for a final time and to my surprise I caught something!_

_My net was very heavy and I used all my strength to pull it to the surface… At first all I saw was a dark mass of weed drifting in my net and I believed it to be a big ball of weed and rock but as I pulled it up more I realized that I had caught a girl."_

"So what was a girl doing in the sea?"

"Yeah just listen okay, I am getting there.

_At first I was worried. I thought that she had drowned but then I made a horrifying discovery."_

"What? What? That it was foul play?" asked Percy eagerly

"_No, she had a tail. A long black, scaly tail."_

Percy was puzzled, this was too weird.

"Hey I thought you were in the FBI?" asked Percy,

"Yeah, Fishy Ball-gowns Inc…" replied James,

"And CIA?" asked Percy incredulous

"Crunchy Icy Apricots," replied James.

"What?" gasped Percy

"It's an authentic siren owned ice cream shop, but they do employ demigods!"

Meanwhile…

"That was despicable!"

"Sorry? I thought this was a good idea!" questioned Hermes.

"YEAH, I thought you would tell people about Greek myths in general!"

"Well okay, I just happened to tell the one about me, you and the cows but hey the audience loved it!"

"Whatever… But the next story…I GET to tell it!"

"Okay, whatever makes you happy…" sighed Hermes.

Apollo thought for a few minutes and drank some more of his hot chocolate, munched a large mouthful of his chicken wrap and said, "I know! The one about Persephone!"

"Okay good luck with that but I bags not being Hades!" said Hermes slyly, "And I don't want to offend Persephone by playing her badly. The last time someone did it in 14 BC…she made all the lovely spring flowers wilt…"

"Aww that's too bad…" said Apollo with a fake, I-feel-sorry-for-you smile and drained his hot chocolate.

Meanwhile…

"Oh my gods," whispered Bianca

"What?"

"This is sooo beautiful!"

They had arrived at Aphrodite's lair. It seemed to be in the middle of a tropical island with lush green trees, colourful birds, sparkling ponds, cooling waterfalls and the buildings were just pavilions made of silky translucent cloth.

"Oh my gods!" Nico copied with sarcasm, "Yeah I'll choose the Underworld any day."

They traveled through different rooms as quietly as possible since they all want their presents from Secret Santa (both of them didn't like the idea of blasted to ashes).

At last they saw Aphrodite wearing a pink chiffon evening gown with golden high heels and her hair up in a messy bun. She was sitting at her dressing table in the middle of a pavilion trying on a pearl necklace.

"You go and meet Aphrodite," whispered Nico as the two siblings crouched down behind the pavilion doorway, which was just two sides of the silky cloth held back by seashells.

"Why me?" asked Bianca annoyed, "It's your idea to come…"

"Well firstly it's because you are a girl and from experience (Artemis) some goddesses like to be approached by girls…Secondly, you are already dead so if she blasts you with her godly powers you'll still be dead right?"

"Well, if I am so dead than why am I here, not in the Underworld? HUH?"

"Good question sis, maybe it's something you can ask dad?"

"NICO! What I mean is, when you are dead, it's fine. You get to see dad everyday but you know when she blasts you up…well wouldn't it hurt?"

In the midst of all their arguments they hadn't noticed Aphrodite standing behind Nico with an amused smile on her face, "Well, well, well, from the looks of this, you guys made me sound like an evil enchantress…"

"Ugh, hi!" answered Nico meekly,

"So you guys are Hades's kids right?" asked Aphrodite,

"Yeah," answered Bianca, "Um we're here to ask if -"

"Come inside and tell me about it…"beckoned Aphrodite, "Tea?"

* * *

Aphrodite: Seriously who came up with the rumor that I am scary?

Poseidon: Why?

Aphrodite: Hades's kids were absolutely frightened of me…I mean they don't find the Underworld scary with its poor souls and Hell hounds…

Poseidon: Tell me about it…

Aphrodite: I mean I am not going to be mean or blast people to ashes if they disturb my beauty sleep…Artemis….

Artemis: Hey! I heard that from Ares…

Hades: What did you say about my kids?

*Silence*

Ares: What did I do? Oh yeah… I got you this honey…

*Ares unveils this pretty blue vintage teapot.*

Aphrodite: Oh thanks!

Hephaestus: La La La…I totally don't care about Ares and my wife being together…

Percy: Man the 'adults' are chatting again…

Annabeth: Let's go on a quest!

Luke: Nah I am over with the whole 'adventure' and me dying to save the world thing

Thalia: Ohhh Luke…don't feel bad…

Grover: Let's play tennis on Wii

Everyone else: Okay!

*We all go off leaving the 'adults' to talk and sip wine casually*


	18. Everyone loves Hades

Luke: Percy, your step-dad said 'hi' and 'I never want to see you again!'

Percy: Oh, send him my love then…

Luke (like a genie): Your wish is my command!

Thalia: Any other impersonations?

Percy: OH YES!

Hades: It's Bond, James Bond

Annabeth: To infinity...and beyond!

Percy: And…that's it really

Thalia: Pretty fail huh…

Percy: No. Not at all

Luke: NO! Wait!

Everyone: What?

Luke( in Darth Vader mask): May the force be with you!

*Everyone raises eyebrows*

Hermes (wearing a police officer style hat): Percy Jackson. You are under arrest

Percy: What?

Poseidon (whistles innocently): La La La

*Everyone gets out chairs and watches*

Apollo: Hmm…I think we need to ask you some questions…TIE HIM UP!

*Hermes ties up Percy and places him on a chair*

Percy: Uh dad… LITTLE HELP HERE…

*Poseidon munches popcorn, Zeus slurps milkshake*

*Hephaestus and Aphrodite stare into each other's eyes lovingly*

*Ares pretends not to notice what's happening to his girlfriend*

Apollo (flicks notebook and gets out stubby pencil): So who's your legal guardian?

Percy: Your UNCLE!

Hermes: How rude…tisk tisk

Percy: But it is…

Apollo: NO BUTS!

Hermes: Do you like Annabeth?

Percy (looks at Athena): I don't know…

Apollo: Why are your eyes green?

Percy (looks thoughtful): Ugh…I don't know

Apollo: Do you like Twilight?

Percy: How would I know?

Hermes (raises eyebrows coolly): Do you know anything?

Percy (knocking himself out): No…

* * *

James lowered himself into the armchair and pressed a few buttons.

Do, Beep, Bleep…

Music came out of the sides; a cup of hot chocolate sprang up on top of the arm rests and small vibrations started (for massages).

"Wow! Cool, do I get one too?" asked Percy prodding his chair experimentally,

"Yeah…sort of…"

"What do you mean?" asked Percy pressing a red button. All of a sudden a strand of seaweed came up and started applying lipstick on Percy…too bad it was Jelly Fish pink…it really stings.

"Told you so…" commented James,

"Tissue paper?" asked Percy warily.

After helping Percy to wipe off the pink lipstick, James launched into his story once more.

"_The sky was darkening. I was very wet and cold from the sea spray but the girl was still there, clutching the side of my boat and staring at me with imploring eyes. I was hungry and cold but some how the more I stared the more I began to feel warm, like it was a summer's day and the mermaid girl began to change too…"_

Slurp.

"Man under the sea stuff is good…" sighed Percy after drinking the coffee with sea cow milk,

"Can I continue?" asked James, annoyed

"Yes…of course. What happened?"

"_Well she started to look less scary…her tail was glittery and magical and her hair was wavy and pretty...Then the sea wasn't cold and unwelcoming anymore, it was azure and calm and gentle. What happened next…I have no idea but witnesses from the shore said that I stood up and just plunged my self into the sea…"_

Percy was too mesmerized to drink his coffee. Poseidon never told him about mermaids…

"_She took my hand and led me deep down. Then she started to tell me quietly about a castle made out of shells and gems. I didn't seem out of breath but that was what she wanted me to think. In actual fact, I was drowning myself."_

Meanwhile…

"Welcome to the next session of the Christmas Story Telling Special. The next story is about the god of the Underworld: Hades, and his wife Persephone."

There were some ohhhs and ahhs amongst the audience, apparently people just liked Hades.

"_Well our story is set in ancient Greece…along time ago_," started Apollo, flicking in his Big Book. "_Persephone's mother is Demeter, the goddess of harvest and in her realm, the sky was always blue, the hills forever-more green and flowers blossomed from the earth. The young Persephone played with her friends on the hills and picked lovely bouquets of flowers, when she saw the most amazing flower. It was a white narcissus and she quickly ran over to pick it_," said Apollo dramatically describing the scene.

Hermes came out and scattered some petals everywhere and wore a smiley sun mask.

"_Just then the earth rumbled…BOOM…and out came the awe-inspiring Hades riding a golden chariot! He was so handsome!_"

There were sighs amongst the audience.

Hermes came out again in a robe of black on a fake paper mache chariot and stood there like he was really, really cool.

"_Anyways before Persephone could react, Hades pulled her into his chariot and whisked her away to the Underworld_," said Apollo with wide, horrified eyes.

Hermes walks away.

"_Demeter on the other hand was very grief-stricken when she couldn't find her daughter anywhere the flowers and trees began to wilt_."

Hermes came out in a flower suit and started to get droopy.

"_Demeter was at her wit's end and decided to go and consult Persephone's dad- Zeus. To stop Demeter growing angrier, Zeus sent a messenger to the Underworld, Hermes_."

Hermes walks on in his old toga, which he hasn't used for like an eon and pretended he was setting out on a journey.

"_But Persephone was enjoying her life with Hades but she also longed to see her mother. Hades urged her to eat a red fruit and Persephone did and because of this she goes back to Hades for awhile every year…That's when winter sets in_," said Apollo closing the book and muttering, "Now I've got to eat my chicken salad." This was a cue for Hermes to take over.

"Irresponsible, would-be-fat 18 year old," muttered Hermes crossly.

Meanwhile…

"So why are you here?" asked Aphrodite directing Nico and Bianca towards some chairs beside a rock pool.

"Well, Nico want to do a play…But we need some costumes and we don't have enough money," explained Bianca,

"Well what sort of play?" asked Aphrodite warily, "Last time Dionysus borrowed my silken green toga for a play and guess what?"

"What?" asked the siblings in unison,

"There was a tiny speck of wine on it, but ruined anyway,"

"We promise to take good care of your clothes. Anyways we'll just use the clothes that you don't wear anymore," added Bianca

"Under one condition," warned Aphrodite,

"That we…give you $60 renting fee?" asked Bianca

"No…"

"We...beg Thalia to beg Zeus to get you some goddess bling?" decided Nico

"Not at all…"

"That we pay with our lives if we rip your cashmere evening gown?" whispered Bianca with dread,

"CAN I SPEAK?" asked Aphrodite angrily, both kids nodded meekly.

"I want to come to your play." stated Aphrodite, "And I don't blast people to ashes either."

The two kids stared at each other, went pale and both shouted, "NO!"

"I love pantomimes…especially princess ones…" commented Aphrodite giving them the 'puppy dog look'. "I can also show you my extensive collection of velvet, satin, silk, diamonds, gems and more!"

"Um okay…" agreed Nico, thinking it was way safer not to anger a goddess.

* * *

Poseidon: Let's play a game!

Zeus (warily): What game?

Poseidon: It's a fun game…

Zeus: Oh please…

*Poseidon goes around handing everyone cards*

*Everyone finds a partner*

Poseidon: Okay, when I ask you the question hold up the card that you think applies to that person…

Hermes: What?

Poseidon: For example I say, _the best at math…_

And you people write down who you think this applies to and hold it up. All clear?

Hermes: Oh you mean 'The Fun Trivial Game?'

Apollo: Can we please just START?

*Poseidon shuffles cards with pro Greek god skills*

Poseidon: Who hogs the X-box all the time?

*Percy and Grover both puts up 'Luke' in a hastily written handwriting*

*Annabeth puts up 'Apollo' while Thalia puts up 'Luke'*

*Zeus puts up 'I don't' know' and Hades puts up 'Apollo'*

*Nico and Bianca both put 'Nico'*

*Hermes and Apollo both put 'Apollo'*

Poseidon: Okay, it's a draw between Luke and Apollo…hmm one last vote…the loser gets to go and tell Dionysus that he's on a liquor ban for another century…

Zeus (like a reporter): We'll be right back after the break

Poseidon (angrily): Hey!

Zeus: Ha ha ha

Poseidon: Cast your votes NOW!

*Everyone puts up Apollo*

Apollo: THIS IS BIASED! It's called a biased trail! I learnt it at Harved in statistics…

Hermes: You are a god… You're immortal…Dionysus can do some pretty bad stuff…

Apollo: Dionysus is not on another ban though…

Zeus: Now he is…

Apollo: No… Hermes…Luke's already dead though…

Hermes: Be a man.

Apollo: I am 18…just able to vote!

Poseidon: Fine…you can't drink cappuccino for today

*Takes out coffee machine*

Apollo: I'll be right back…

*Runs towards the Big House*


	19. It is a boring day

Me: Howdy!

Luke: Did you just say: _How old are you?_

Me: No. I said 'HOWDY'

Percy: Ok.

Me: This is soooo boring…Yawn.

Annabeth: Well….do something!

Me: Okay… Play a board game called: _Let's play DEMOCRACY!_

Luke: What?

Percy: EWW

Annabeth: Okay…

Hermes: You are so boring

Apollo: YAWN

Me: HE HE

Annabeth: Okay…if you people are all so 'fun' then what do you think we do?

Apollo: A lot of other stuff…you know fun is my middle name…

Percy: Hmm…Apollo Fun _something_…Percy Fun Jackson…Annabeth Fun Chase…FUNNY

*Apollo shoots dark glares at Percy*

*I get out board game*

Me: MOWAHAHAHA

Thalia: When did the Author turn evil?

Me: Yes Thalia?

Thalia: Nothing…

Me: Let the games begin!

*We all take turns to throw dice, Luke and Bianca lands on a square that has some writing on it…*

Luke: Hmm…Let's see..._CENSORSHIP- This is when the authorities force the media only to report what they want. It means people can't find out what's really happening…This is bad for democracy. Move back 3 spaces._

Hermes: AWW…It's okay Luke…

Luke: Dad I am 22

Hermes: Don't forget I am at least an eon old…

*Luke rolls eyes*

Bianca: Okay mine says…_Regular Elections. This means that there is only a certain amount of time a government can rule. This prevents dictatorship…MOVE FORWARD 1_

Luke: BIASED!

Me: Man what's it with you and Apollo… everything is biased for you guys…

*After a few minutes everyone is basically bored into a coma…*

* Pizza man comes to the door*

*I take order and eat hot pizza while the others will get cold pizza*

* * *

Meanwhile…

"OH MY GODS! So you are actually a ghost?" asked Percy incredulous,

"No…something happened before that…" said James quietly…

"Carry on…I want to know!" yelped Percy…

"Okay…but can you just scratch my back for a second?" asked James

"Yeah…Whatever…" replied Percy, getting out a piece of coral and started scratching the old man's back…

"Yeah…Left…Right a bit…ahh…"

"Okay…now can we begin?" asked Percy impatiently,

"Okay, here goes…

_I didn't drown because she let me go…"_

"What?" exclaimed Percy, "That's it? You know I was hoping for some butt kicking?"

"There is no such thing," whispered the old man sadly,

"So she just let you go…Wasn't she going to eat you or something?"

James shook his head and pulled Percy close, "I have something to tell you…I have a treasure of vast value…are you prepared to hear it?"

Percy gulped and nodded, "Yes," he gasped

"Okay, you mustn't judge me on what I am going to show you because it wasn't my fault…."

"Yeah…"

James got up and went off into the kitchen and after a few mumbles and swears he came back lugging a huge chest made of oak or mahogany…James opened it up in front of Percy and took out a length of soft flowing fabric that was shimmering and changed colours: emerald greens and brilliant blues all blended into subtle hues.

"Do you know what this is?" he asked a gob-smacked Percy,

"A thousand yards of the sea…" whispered Percy automatically although he didn't know how he got the answer

"Yes it is…it's lovely isn't it?" asked James, draping it around Percy, "And it's all yours…"

"What? Really?" asked Percy incredulous…

"No… because it's mine…NAH NAH NA NAH NAH, you can't have it!" shouted James with glee, "Unless you do something for me…"

Meanwhile…

"What were you thinking?" asked Hermes angrily,

"What?" asked Apollo annoyed, "You always seem to think I eat too much," munches chicken wrap, "too young and irresponsible and childish… WELL in actual fact…I am older than you!"

"So…You _think _and act like you are 18 and you flirt with your sister's hunters…how naughty…" commented Hermes, shaking his head,

Apollo narrowed his eyes, "I hate you…" he hissed

"I love you too Apollo," sighed Hermes with satisfaction,

Apollo's eyes flashed dangerously and if they were on Olympus at that moment they would have started fighting at that moment, but instead Apollo controlled his rage and instead kicked Hermes in the shins which left a big burn…

"OW!" yelped Hermes, "I hate you with your cosmic radiation."

Some people gave them weird looks and hurried away, dragging their kids.

"So what do you say, friends again?" asked Apollo extending a hand, Hermes looked smug but shook Apollo's hand anyway and said, "Well if you are so pro at the love game…then why don't you teach me some tips and I'll show you a cool meditation trick to calm your anger huh?"

Now it was Apollo's turn to look smug but then he shrugged and shook Hermes's hand.

Meanwhile...

"This is my dress for high tea…Note the beautiful work of the linen, it drapes around you like a waterfall…ahh this was my favorite chiton back in the days when Paris gave me the golden apple that said 'To the fairest' and doomed the whole of Troy!"

Nico and Bianca threw each other looks of alarm...

"But anyways if you were looking for something a little prom-ey…Well I have a vast selection…You know you have to be prepared when Ares is your boyfriend…"

Aphrodite led the two siblings to huge double doors, turned the golden handles and swung the doors open…

Inside was a room filled with clothes and it sparkled like gold. To the left was a stand and on it hung huge hats of different shapes and sizes from different ages…Huge white ones from the time of Marie Antoinette, floppy beige ones with feathers spurting out and startling red hats gleamed like rubies. It was a treasure trove.

For a moment the siblings were entranced but Nico snapped out of it faster than Bianca and pulled out the cast list and walked around looking at different dresses and accessories.

"Yes. This one's good," said Nico pulling out a blue and purple chiffon dress. "This can be for the queen…It looks so majestic…"

"Mmmhmm…" agreed Bianca

"And this!" yelled Nico dashing towards a tiara sitting on top of a table. It's perfect!"

"Mmmhmm…"

"Are you even listening?" asked Nico annoyed,

"No,"

Nico sighed with disbelief, "I guess I just have to do this alone then."

* * *

Hades: Today is so very boring…

Annabeth: So read this then…

*Annabeth hands over large heavy book*

*Title reads: The History of Ancient Greece: _Classic Period to Hellenistic_*

Hades (yawns): No thank you…

Me: Let's play a game called: _Let's Play Capitalism!_

Everyone: NO!

Poseidon: How about we play my game!

Everyone else: What game?

Poseidon: The GAME…

Hades (eagerly): Okay!

*Poseidon hands around cards and pens*

*Everyone gets into partners*

Poseidon: Okay…Here's the first question-

Apollo: NOOO! Not this game again! It's probably me that everyone votes for again!

Poseidon: No…This time it's going to be different…

Hermes: Come on! I'll be here for you buddy!

Apollo (reluctantly): Okay…

Poseidon: The question is: Who is Artemis's twin!

Apollo: HEY NO FAIR…

Poseidon: Just joking…Seriously now: Who is the best at speeches?

*Annabeth and Percy both puts up _Luke_*

*Thalia puts up _Zeus _while Nico puts up _Apollo _and in brackets: _This is a good thing!_*

*Grover puts up _Hermes _while Bianca puts up _Apollo_*

*Clarisse puts up _Ares_ since Ares was staring at her and saying _VOTE ME _ and Ares voted for _Luke _to seem like a nice person*

*Zeus and Hades both puts up _Zeus_*

*Hermes and Apollo both puts up _Hermes_*

Poseidon (looking baffled): So no one voted for me?

*Everyone suddenly takes interest in their shoelaces*

Poseidon: Oh well! So! Hermes got 3, Zeus got 3, Apollo got 2, Ares got 1 and Luke got 3!

Well this looks like a tie between father and son and the lord of whole Olympus! So who's going to take it out? Stay with us, we'll be right back after the break!

*Break time*

*Ads come on*

Luke: Oh! The stain won't come out of my soccer jersey! What should I do?

*Hades dressed up as a genie pops out of nowhere*

Luke: It's the Stain Removal Genie!

Hades: Yes it is I! The Stain Removal Genie! Soak…Wash and BAM! The stain is gone! Using our new product: So Clean _yay!_

*Another ad comes on*

Zeus: As a father, I know how hard it is to get kids to eat healthy…But with _So Tropical _vege and fruit slices and juices I can be sure that my kids are eating delicious healthy food!

*Apollo, Thalia and Hermes (looking like a 5 year old) comes on and takes a slice of apple or a glass of juice*

*Apollo sits at the skate park looking really cool and hot and opens a bag of _So Tropical_ broccoli sticks and smiles happily*

*Thalia drinks juice and nods surprised*

Hermes (in childish 5 year old voice): Please try it! You won't regret it!

Poseidon: Okay…The people have voted...and the winner is…

*Luke, Hermes and Zeus all hold their breaths*

Poseidon: Hermes!

*Hermes jumps up and down in happiness while Luke claps his dad on the back*

Hermes: I would like to thank my dad…my mum and all my family for supporting me (Which is basically everyone)

Poseidon: No…This can not be happening…

*Everyone pause*

Poseidon: I am so sorry…

Everyone: What?  
Poseidon: I've read out the wrong name…It's actually Luke…

Hermes: Are you serious?

Poseidon (Scottish accent): Yeah…Yeah I am…

*Luke smiles*

Poseidon: This is so embarrassing…

Hermes: It's okay man…

*Luke and Hermes hi-fives and hugs*

Thalia and Aphrodite: Oww…Fatherly love…

Luke: Shut up…AND APOLLO! PUT THAT CAMERA AWAY!


	20. In a dungeon

*I walk into room*

Me: OMG! Why is this room filled with paper hearts and pink streamers and glittery balloons?  
Percy: It's the Camp Half-Blood's annual gala!  
Me: Really…and let me guess this cabin is for the girly makeovers?  
Annabeth: No…this is for the makeovers and the-  
Aphrodite(eagerly): Kissing booth?  
Dionysus: NO! Not in MY camp!  
Aphrodite: Please?  
Dionysus: OVER MY DEAD BODY!  
Hermes: In case you haven't noticed…YOU are immortal…  
Dionysus (posh): Figure of speech… this exclaimation shows that you-  
Apollo: Yeah yeah yeah…  
Dionysus: HMPH  
Annabeth: As I was saying it's also for the photo shoots and the cupcake bake offs…  
*Girl from Aphrodite cabin come in and squeals happily*  
Aphrodite: BORING…  
Me: Yeah…looks like Valentines Day…  
*Clarisse and Ares comes in with a cupid carved out of ice*  
*I raise eyebrows*  
Me: Looks like a prom…  
Aphrodite: YES! A prom!

* * *

"Do what?" asked Percy suspiciously, eyeing the old man  
"Come with me…" whispered James darkly,  
Percy reluctantly followed. James led Percy towards the kitchen and pointed towards the ceiling, "Can you see it?" he asked,  
"What?" asked Percy puzzled…  
"A door knob!" replied James,  
"A door knob?" asked Percy,  
"Yes…A door knob," answered James dramatically,  
"This is getting a little-" but that was as far as Percy got because suddenly he fell forward as he was knocked unconscious by a big greasy frying pan.  
"Throw him in the dungeon!" came a voice from a mobile phone.  
"You have a dungeon?" asked Percy coming around a little but this only resulted in him being whacked with a slimy fish head.  
"Tie him up!" cried the Voice, and in the next moment Percy woke up in a little stone room. The room was dark and he could make out some shapes in the gloom. The only door was a splinted wooden door, on his left hand side. The room was not in water and he soon realised that there were three others being held hostage in the little room. One was a girl sitting on the couch and strumming a guitar, another was a boy leaning on the wall opposite to Percy and at the boy's feet (which is the third occupant) was a dog.

The girl was just sitting on the sofa singing random songs and saying random stuff, not taking any notice to anything. The boy was gaged and bound. Suddnely the door creaked open and in came James carrying a bowl full of water and a piece of bread. Percy could see out of the door that there was a stair case looming above and they seemed to be at the top or the bottem of a very tall tower. James untied the boy and he collapased with exhaustion from standing up. James walked over to the girl and gazed helplessly at her and snapped at Percy, "Shut her up everytime she sings. Or there will be consequenses." He then produced an omnious looking sword and walked over to Percy, "Don't' think that a little dip in the Styx will do anything to help." James said, in a voice smooth as silk and he pressed his bony hand on to Percy's back where the Achillies curse was. A tingle went through Percy and he began to feel sick. "Exactly my point," hissed the old man.

Meanwhile…

"Okay, first you need to get into a good relaxing yoga suit," said Hermes to Apollo,  
"Ping!" cried Apollo as he changed his clothes with ultra quick speed. He was now wearing an elastic black V-neck top and floppy white shorts.  
"Good. Good," commented Hermes smirking, shall we go to the mountains?  
"What?"  
"Yeah," replied Hermes as if it was the most normal thing, "you need some good mountain air,"  
"How?" asked Apollo,  
"Well," said Hermes delibrating, "your Farrarri or my pro teleporting skills?"  
"Depends, which mountains?" asked Apollo suspiciously,  
"Oh pretty near…Just some random misty mountains in Asia!"  
"Oh…Then your telepathic skills…"  
Apollo and Hermes linked arms and started striding towards the toilet wall, "Are you sure?" asked Hermes, "You know my teleporting could go horribly wrong…Let's see: Back pain, wrinkles, nose bleeds, hair springing up across your face, um... you might get a tinsy fatter…and you would probably react badly with coffee…"  
Apollo paled, "No coffee?" he asked, "A tinsy bit fatter?" he added,  
"Yes my friend, the horrible side effects of teleporting," Hermes put in,  
"Then let's grab my Fararri!" shouted Apollo,  
"Yes that is a good idea…" commented Hermes.

Apollo's Fararri appeard out of nowhere in an isolated part of the woods in a park nearby, "Hop in pal," smiled Apollo as Hermes gazed at the red Fararri in amazement. The car glowed bright red and vanished in a sudden brust of sparks.

"Cool car, cool dude," mummered Apollo putting on his sunglasses,  
"Can I drive?" asked Hermes eagerly,  
"No…It is only I that can drive…don't you remember what happened the boy in the olden days that drove my sun charoit and destroyed half the world?"  
"No…"  
"Well it was MY SON!"  
"Can't imagine an 18 year old having a son…" muttered Hermes under his breath,  
"I HEARD THAT!" shouted Apollo… "Anyways, he really wanted to drive, so I let him and he couldn't controll the horses…The world froze then went on fire. My poor boy." While Apollo was wallowing in his sadness Hermes suddenly jumped up,  
"OH YEAH! Then he got blasted down to earth by Zeus and drowned in a lake! It was all over the Olympus Hearld…" Hermes brust out, Apollo only sniffed but he gave Hermes looks of poison.  
"If you were mortal, you would suffer in the wearth of the mighty Apollo," he hissed,  
"If I were mortal you would have turned me to ashes like now," interrupted Hermes,  
The both fell into silence, mostly because Apollo was mad but before they could do anything, the green oriental mountains of Asia loomed before them.

Meanwhile…

"Ahhh! This is the life!" yawned Zeus as he slurped his mocha and strided into a shop. "It's harder and harder to get really smart people presents these days. Especially if they are a goddess." Zeus picked up a rubber ducky and grimanced. He moved on and picked up a goat milk&peach soap, "This smells disgusting," he continued and walked from aisle to aisle in dismay.

At first Zeus ignored the weeping sounding but at last he could not bear it anymore so he turned around and growled, "For titan's sake, just STOP!" but he was surprised as a teary boy looked up at him with fearful eyes. Zeus controlled his anger and quickly added, "I mean what's wrong?"  
"I can't find my mommy!" shouted the boy with such heart wernching sadness that Zeus (Yes Zeus, the Lord of Olympus) looked about in dispair and lifted the kid up and whispered, "Do you see her?"  
"No!" and he began to cry again,  
"Oh don't worry, I'll take you to the customer service place-"  
The boy cried louder, "I don't wanna got to the customer service…"  
"Why?" asked Zeus a little annoyed. Customer service was the BEST way of finding parents…Just ask Artemis and Apollo (they run the Olympus customer services and this year they have helped more than 34332 demigods find their godly parent).  
"BECAUSE I like you!"  
Zeus didn't know what to say, sure blasting enemies to ashes and blasting annoying people off planes (a.k.a sons of poseidon and Hades) is all in a days work and is easy enough, BUT what do you do with 4 year old kids with angelic faces and cute caramel curls? Surely you can't just dump them in the ghastly Customer Services? That would be WAY to mean…Even Kronos would say no and Kronos is a really, really, really BAD guy…Zeus is supposed to be the powerful, moral , and you could say handsome good guy... So at last Zeus decided, "Alright, I'll help you find your mum." He paused, "But under one condition,"  
"The kid looked at him with large warm brown eyes,"  
"You help me find a present for my daughter."

The kid didn't answer but just nodded, a little disappointed Zeus asked, "Do you want a lollipop?" the Kid shook his head sadly and just mumbled, "Come on."  
After a few steps he turned around and smiled, "You look like Santa Claus," and on a normal day Zeus would have frowned and bellowed in a thundery voice, "DO NOT TALK TO THE LORD OF ALL OLYMPUS IN THAT WAY OR FEEL THE POWER OF MY THUNDERBOLT!" but today he just smiled.

* * *

Poseidon: You got won over by a kid!

Hades: Mmmhmm

Zeus: You guys would have too…

Me: Hey! What about the gala?

Annabeth: Oh we're not having that anymore

Me: Why what happened?

Annabeth: Aphrodite. That's what happened

Me: Let me guess, prom?

Annabeth: Yeah… And check these out…we receieved presents!

Percy: Really! Where?

Clarisse: Ugh…Prissy Jackson? On the table where you left it…

*Emabrassed, Percy runs off*

Me: Let me guess…Dress from Aphrodite?

Annabeth: Yeah…I have to say they are so PRETTY!

Me: Well good for you then, have fun!

Annabeth: It's going to be ROMANTIC!

Everyone except Aphrodite: NOOOO!

Aphrodite: That's right…really romantic…

Thalia: At least my dress is black…Last year Zeus sent me a sparkly pink one!

*Thalia sudders at memory*

Zeus: What? I thougt girls liked pink…

Aphrodite: Not all girls…

Me: Don't worry, it's going to be fine…

*Apollo walks out in toga*

Apollo: Our (Hermes and myself) suits ripped… Sorry Aph…Um guess we could come in togas?


	21. jealousy, songs and Fererro Rochers

Me: Hey everyone!  
Percy: WOW! Who are you?  
Annabeth: It's the author duh!  
Me: Yeah, I haven't been on for ages…  
Poseidon: Yeah…I thought you weren't coming back  
Me: Oh yeah…I was um out  
Annabeth: Meaning you couldn't be bothered?  
Me: NO! PSHH! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?  
Annabeth( studies me with grey eyes): Yup! You couldn't be bothered  
Me: Hey, you've been watching waaay to much _The Mentalist  
_Annabeth: Then where have you been?  
Me: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS  
Percy: When did the author start talking in capitals?  
Me: NOW!  
Percy: Oh…Okay!  
Zeus: Just get on with the story!

* * *

"I need to get out of here!" shouted Percy, "I might never see my dad again and I'll have to live with Hade-"  
"There was once a scardy kid, and Percy was his name oh! P-E-R-C-Y, P-E-R-C-Y and Percy was his name oh!" sang the girl on the couch,  
"Shhh!" waved Percy madly around in case James heard and came in with the sword to quickly send Percy on his way,  
"Old man James had a sword, ei ah ei ah oh! With a stab, stab there and a stab, stab there, here a stab there a stab everywhere a stab, stab. Old man James had a-"  
"Help!" was all Percy managed to say in fustration,  
"Do you want to escape?" sang the girl in a melodic voice,  
"Yes, I do!" sang-mocked Percy,  
"Stop that, copycat!" sang the girl in an unbelievably low tennor tone,  
"Okay!" Percy yelped, frightened, "You watch too much High School Musical," he added  
"Can Gaberellia do this?" sang the girl, "LAAAAAAA!" and it was so peircing that the wall at the back shattered leaving nothing,  
"There you go! Free to go as you please!"  
Percy was suspicious, "Wait, if you could do that, then why don't you free yourself?"  
"Don't you get it? I live here!" she sang, reaching a perfect octave, "And also that boy with the dog, he's just here so you wouldn't be lonely!"  
"What? This is too confusing!"

Meanwhile…

"Let's go back to camp!" said Annabeth gathering all the demigods togather, "After all we need to decorate Percy's cabin!"  
"Luke the builder! Yes we can!" shouted Luke grinning broadly but his smile faded as he saw everyone giving him the eyebrow.  
"Okay, Grover you get the tree while Thalia and Nico get the decorations and we'll all get on the sleigh and head back to camp," shouted Bianca with so much authority that everyone thought they were back in school and shouted, "Yes Miss Di Angelo!"  
Everyone was on the sleigh and was prepared to launch into another concert when Grover hesitatied, "Hey has anyone seen Percy Jackson?"  
"Hmm?" asked Annabeth a little annoyed as she was just about to start singing the solo bit of _Santa Lucinda_,  
"Percy? Anyone seen him?"  
"You mean Prissy? Well I bet he's off saving the world from his grandpa…dear sweet Kronos! I mean isn't he invincible now? Well I bet he won't even need us," said Clarisse a little too sarcastic and was over doing the hand gestures way too much,  
"Hey!" shouted Luke, "Don't talk about Kronos like that!" but everyone ignored him since they were too busy talking about how 'great' Percy was.  
"I mean he's such a great guy that someone wrote a book just on him and he's the protagonist of the whole series about how WE defeated Kronos TOGATHER!"  
"Um, do I sense some jealously going on?" asked Grover tentatively, but of course everyone except Luke and Bianca ignored him.  
"Jealousy...tisk tisk...we don't care cause we're dead," said Bianca bluntly,  
Grover, Bianca and Luke looked at each other helplessly as their friends got more and more worked up so they decided to sing a very calming song out of Luke's Demigod Christmas handbook.

_When your friends are getting angry over something at Christmas and ruining the 'Christmas Spirit' choose one of these calming tracks to help the calm down:  
Danny Boy  
You Raise Me Up  
So Happy Togather  
Love (From Robin Hood)  
_And in small print:  
_Ask your Physician if side effects and symptoms of extreme anger presists. Discontinune use if anger level rises. Use amber and musk notes if appropriate along with some hints of jasmine and lime to assists effects._

"Okay?" commented Luke, "But it's worth a try if we still want a really good Christmas TOGATHER…" he added copying the way Annabeth said it,  
"So which one?" asked Bianca eyeing the options,  
"Danny Boy is SOOO hard to sing," decided Grover, and at last they decided to sing Love (from Robin Hood) and if tht didn't work they decided to sing You Raise Me Up since that was one of Hades' favourite music and Luke listened to it about a thousand times when he was on 'detention' for playing pranks on serious but important dead people like George Washington, Abraham Lincon and the such.

"Love

It seems like only yesterday

You were just a child at play

Now you're all grown up inside of me

Oh, how fast those moments flee," sang Bianca while Luke pulled out a couple of neon pink lights and swished them around to resemble magical fireflies,

"Once we watched a lazy world go by

Now the days seem to fly

Life is brief, but when it's gone

Love goes on and on," Bianca sang passionately while Grover played some notes on his panpipes,

"Love will live

Love will last

Love goes on and on and on,"  
Luke sweapt his random stick on a xylophone from one end to the other,

"Once we watched a lazy world go by

Now the days seem to fly

Life is brief, but when it's gone

Love goes on and on," finished Bianca while their friends seemed to go really quiet.

Meanwhile…

"Apollo! I would like you to experience the oriental uh…um experience of Asia!" Hermes announced with a glorious sweap of his hands and then he helped Apollo out of his own car like a butler.  
"What are we going to do now?" asked Apollo, "I brought my yoga mat…"  
"Well my friend ,to truly be calm you have to experience the food…the culture…the-"  
"Yeah, yeah," interrupted Apollo, "can we just get going? I don't want to miss the Christmas party the demigods put on with special guest: Kronos!"  
"What?" asked Hermes, "Isn't Kronos suppose to be a BAD guy?"  
"Well my friend, when you're the bad guy it doesn't mean that you're a bad cook… Am I right? Huh? Huh?"  
"Yeah I suppose his roast chicken is a bomber and not to mention his Yorkshire pudding and blueberry baguls!" admittled Hermes in the end,

"Well are we going to explore some cultures or what?" asked Apollo impatiently.

* * *

Me: Hey, what are you guys looking at?  
Hermes: Oh, just the ad for Ferrerro Rocher, the one with the Greek gods in it…

Zeus: Oh look! That's suppose to be me!  
Artemis: Hey look! I just shot the pyramid of chocolates with my bow and arrow!  
Me: Well the gods look like they're having fun…

Percy: We should totally make one with a demigod version!  
Nico: Yeah! I'll get the clothes I borrowed from Aphrodite… and we'll do it on in front of a green screen!  
*Nico comes back with basket and Bianca gets video camera*  
Me: This is going to be so cool! I'll be narrator! 3,2,1 ACTION!

Me (in mysterious voice): A long time ago in an ancient time…  
*I zoom in on Annabeth and Thalia spinning out of control in swishy blue silk tunics and ballet shoes while luke sits on a huge, jagged icicle and rotates slowly while wearing a heavily embellished mask while grover did some gentle drumming*  
Me: The gods of Olympus would gather every night…  
* Bianca gets out her bow and arrow in a majestic white tunic and shoots a pinata filled with Ferrero Rochers and they come raining down on Annabeth, Thalia, Nico, Percy and luke who dances happily with garlands in their hair and classic rope sandals*  
Me: And to make every night special, they had a devine secret…

*Percy sits on a throne with a fake beard and 'controls' the chocolate on a fish wire with his hands*  
Me: Then one day it slipped from the heavens to be discovered by man…

*Annabeth wearing gold eye shadow accidenatlly drops it and the next shot is of luke wearing a simple toga looking down from a balcony*  
Me: Discover the secret of gold…Ferrero Rocher!

Luke: It's a wrap peoples!


	22. The early Christmas present

Me: Sorry guys but here I am again…a month later...when I should be 'updating soon'  
*Everyone rubs their eyes blearly*  
Annabeth: I think someone just came in…  
Nico: Is it the Subway man?  
Luke: No it's just the Author… Should've known  
Me: I am so sorry…  
Percy: Let's just go back to being in our usual state of boringness…  
Me: Should I just carry on?  
Thalia: Huh? With what?  
Me (sighing): The STORY!

* * *

"Hephaesteus you are a true genius!" commented Zeus as he clapped him on the back,  
"Well, what can I say? You guys are too boring…get a life," Zeus' face fell but he managed a weak smile, "Do you think the demigods know we are back at camp?"  
"Huh? They'll be fine I am sure," answered Hades distractedly, his eyes glued to the Hephaesteus TV. Poseidon frowned, "I just don't think it's a good idea doing this to Percy, it's unfair on his part,"  
"Merry Christmas!" laughed Hephaesteus, "Early Christmas present...don't you all love it? Look at all the joy on your faces as you watch my reality TV show, too bad Hermes and isn't here, and good prank Apollo!"  
"OMT! He's running around the courtyard…its hilarious!" laughed Athena, still having a grudge against Percy. Poseidon had enough and stormed off in a rage.

Percy ran out of the tower huffing and puffing only to arrive in a courtyard that seems to have no exit. He could hear the sea to his left and he was sure that he would be safe once he reached the ocean. The courtyard opened to other gardens linked on and he decided to explore his way out. He turned into a garden on the left, it was filled with dark green shrubs trimmed into twisty shapes and draped with fairy lights which sparkled. In the middle was a huge terracotta coloured fountain with bright blue water and there were also stone benches, all lying on an immaculate lawn.  
Percy ran on and discovered the next one was totally different. It looked liked Candyland turned into reality with fruity, glossy pebbles, flossy pink grass and bright coloured trees. It was scary.  
Plush toy unicorns were also dotted everywhere along with red poka dot mushrooms.  
He quickly darted out of that one and when he reached the next one he felt hope rise up in him. The next garden had a posh feel about it with tender roses blooming across a sun baked wall of a beautiful garden pavilion. But there was someone sitting inside, on an ivory white chair dozing in the sun.

Meanwhile…

The other demigods arrived back at camp and everyone helped lug the decorations and the tree inside Percy's cabin when they had a big surprise: the gods bet them to it. A small pine tree was standing awkwardly, draped with shells (Poseidon), wireless lights (Zeus), dark swirling mist (Hades) and some fresh flowers kindly sponsored by Persephone. Kronos set up a temporary kitchen with marble bench tops and stainless steel pots (Kronos likes his bling) and he was chopping and dicing and paring and baking all at the same time. When the demigods came in he wiped his hands on his apron that said 'World's Best Grandpa' and gave them all a cherry little wave.  
"What's up with Kronos?" shivered Nico, "He sure seems happy," everyone smiled a little too enthusiastically at Kronos and backed away to the other side of the room.  
The gods however were stretched out on a velvet sofa watching Hephaestus TV all except Poseidon who went for a 'stroll' a.k.a creating some furious waves. Annabeth was the first to recover from the Kronos being nice experience and asked the obvious, "Where is PERCY?"  
"Seriously we noticed that ages ago…but were you guys listening? Nooooooo!" cried Luke exasperated,

"We've got to find him!" Annabeth continued, "NOW!"

"Come on!" said Thalia, "Grab a sword and let's go."

Meanwhile…

"What's this?" asked Apollo slightly confused,  
"It's marinated mouse," answered Hermes with a smile, "ordered it especially for you!"

"Wow this is good," stated Apollo with wide eyes  
"I told you the Asian experience would do you good!"  
They went on eating marinated mouse and drinking green tea.

Still eating.

Still…  
And still…

Hermes checked his watch, Apollo continued to eat, time went on.  
"Hey bro, you finished yet?" asked Hermes 2 hours after they were kicked out of the store since it was past closing time.  
Apollo twitched and his image flickered and his laugh came like it was from a distance, "Oh boy, it's Christmas and you my friend, you are sitting outside a little pub in China while I'm back home with Kronos' CHICKEN! MOWHAHAHA!" Apollo tossed yet another coin through the air. Then Hermes understood.  
"HEY! How long have you been keeping this up?" HUH?"  
"Well since it's Christmas Iris gave us all a discount. 80% in fact, well if you want to come back you better hurry 'cause the pudding's nearly gone and when I mean hurry I mean fly on your winged sandals 'cause you're the messenger and you're the man!" and with that Apollo vanished.

Hermes looked down at his Converse sneakers and sighed, "Sandals are so last millennium,"

* * *

Hermes (deep in thought): How did Apollo trick me? He was just there with me. How did he get back to NY?

Annabeth: We're all going to play a game, want to play?"

Hermes (moodily): What game?

Annabeth (checking package): Um it says…hold on…um it says 'Let's play Dictatorship!'

Poseidon: OH NO, one of the author's games again…

Everyone: sighs.

Me: Oh come on! Just because we can't afford to buy the new _Monopoly_ set or the new _Articulate _game doesn't mean the cheap versions of board games aren't fun…  
Percy: Yeah the games are all like: _Let's play Democracy! _Or _Let's play Capitalism! _YAY!

Me: Hey! Percy aren't you supposed to be trapped in a courtyard by the sea?  
Percy: Hey how come you know about it?

Me: Let's just say I planned it all for the story...

Percy (whispering): Thank goodness someone knows about that…You know what?

Me: What?

Percy: I had to sign a contract. The official secrets act; I am not allowed to tell anyone what happens on the island.  
Me: Hey this is not a spy novel!

Percy: Hephaestus made me sign it…

Me: You mean you know that it's like a… fake?

Percy (staring me in the eye): Yes. I agreed to it in the first place.

Me: So what happens on the island?

Hephaestus (suddenly popping up): Tisk Tisk…Remember the contract!


	23. It's Done

Me: I feel so proud, I am actually updating SOON  
Percy: Me too, I can't believe that I swapped Mr D's _Alice in Wonderland_ special edition Pinochle cards for a Percy Jackson special edition without him noticing!  
*Mr D comes in *  
Mr D: Hey Chiron, have you seen my _Alice in Wonderland_ special edition Pinochle cards? All I could find are some lame, floppy PERCY JACKSON CARDS!  
Percy: Oops...I am a goner! Okay Luke I'm trusting you with my Riptide if I don't make it after Mr D's detention  
Annabeth: Why are you giving a sword to Luke? He's the bad guy!  
Luke: Ahem... Was the bad guy...  
Annabeth: But still he can't be trusted!  
Luke: Hello? I am still here! Stop talking like I am not here!  
*Annabeth and Luke starts having a row*  
Me (shrugs): I guess we'll just have to carry on with the story!

* * *

"Hello?" asked Percy striding forward towards the pavilion, "Thank goodness someone is here, I need to get off this island!"  
"Stop," commanded the voice, "Where are you going?"  
"Far far away!" cried Percy,  
" I am sorry but the Far Far Away ferry already left for the month, sorry!" the man replied in a monotone, "But would you like to sit down and have some tea?"  
"Um sure," answered Percy, "why not?"

The man sitting there was totally what Percy expected (he was in on the TV show idea, remember?): young and with a mop of strawberry blonde hair. He was dressed in a penguin suit, light blue waistcoat and matching necktie. On his hand he wore crisp white silken gloves. He was a butler.  
He reached out for the china teapot and poured Percy a cup of steaming tea, "Sugar?" he asked with a charming smile, Percy nodded weakly and sat down. The man lifted up a crystal stand filled with moist cupcakes drenched with icing sugar and crumbly slices filled with jam and cream and smiled at him to take one.

"Hey this is just like the Hansel and Gretel fairytale!" cried Apollo joyfully, "This must be the climax! He could be eaten!"  
"By whom?" asked Hermes sarcastically fluttering in full speed and then started whacking Apollo hard on the head.  
"By the person in the big villa of course!" answered Apollo, but it's good you're back because then we can all be together for Christmas! Why don't you give your bro a hug?  
Under the scrutiny of all the other gods and goddesses Hermes inched forward and gave his friend an awkward hug.  
"Yay!" cheered Hermes faking enthusiasm,  
"A real hug!" shouted everyone else. Grimacing Hermes went to hug his friend again but this time warmed up to the occasion.  
Hades, Zeus and Poseidon, who just came through the door after his 'stroll', all burst into song,  
"Deck the halls with bales of holly fa la la la la la la. Tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la! Don our gay our gay apparel fa la fa la fa la la la!"  
Everyone stopped what they were doing and shook their heads, "No, that just didn't work for you."

Meanwhile…

"Where do we start to find him?" asked Annabeth anxiously,  
"I don't know…" started Grover, "But I am so hungry, let's grab some Kronos' salad wrap and then get going,"  
"Everyone thought that was the best thing to do so everyone stowed their weapons under the Poseidon cabin's deck and trudged inside unwillingly to meet Kronos and ask for some chicken, salad and maybe a cookie.  
Kronos was still busy in his marble kitchen when the demigods arrived, "Hello youngsters!" he laughed, "How are you all doing?"  
"Just fine…" everyone mumbled  
" Good, good…Why isn't that Luke?" Kronos suddenly exclaimed," I heard you died the other day…how's it doing in the Underworld?"  
"Not bad..."  
"Hades not being too rough on you I hope?" he asked worriedly, "Because I can have a word with him…"  
"No, no… It's fine,"  
"Oh okay, so what can I do for you guys today?"  
"Some food would be nice…"whispered Grover anxiously, "Some leftovers would be fine you know, doesn't have to be good food…"  
"Nonsense!" Kronos yelled fetching some bread, left over salmon and cherry tomartoes, "Here have these. I know that Poseidon doesn't approve of eating salmon but here you are…" he whispered winking at them and smiling at the idea of a conspiracy.  
After they left Kronos sighed and shook his head, "Sigh, being a bad guy doesn't mean that you are a bad cook…"

* * *

Luke: What happened at Mr D's detention?  
Percy: You don't want to know...  
Luke: But I do…  
Percy: Oh you don't…Fine I'll tell you on one condition…  
Luke: Name it…  
Percy: I tell you all the juicy delicious details and you have to convince Thalia to dress up as a Barbie doll while you dress up as Ken and do a whole wedding ceremony in front of us.  
Luke: Come on…isn't that an unfair bargain?  
Percy: It's that or nothing…  
Luke: Fine  
Percy: It's done.  
*They shake hands*  
Percy: Incase you don't live up to your part of the deal I'll tell you the beginning of my detention and then you have to do they play and I'll tell you the rest.  
Luke: Swear on the Styx  
Percy: I swear  
*Old man on the organ suddenly comes out: DUN DUN DUN*


	24. Percy's detention

Me: OMGS, I forgot my own plot!  
Annabeth: Well DUH! You haven't updated for like a millennia!  
Me (sheepishly): So sorry guys…Ugh PJO writer's block?  
Everyone else: Sure. Yeah that was totally the problem…  
*Awkward silence*  
*Double Awkward Silence*  
Me: Ugh…Yeah…huh huh…Triple Awkward silence?  
*Everyone shakes their heads sadly*  
Poseidon: Well what are you going to do now?  
Me: I don't know… Continue with the story?  
Everyone else: NO!  
Me: What? I thought that was what you guys wanted all along?  
Everyone else: A chocolate doughnut, then continue with the story!  
Percy: And what about my detention story? I hope you haven't forgotten about that…  
Me: Ugh… of course not…huh huh huh (laughs uneasily)

* * *

The cupcakes were delicious, in fact they all tasted sensational and the weird thing was, he couldn't seem to get enough of them. Percy closed his eyes contentedly and took another sip of the exotic mint tea. It filled him with warmth that he could only dream of, a lovely feeling like everything in the world was perfect and even though it was evening, the temperature was just right, the cool evening breeze tousling his hair.

Suddenly a pleasant, melodious voice drifted through his mind, "Percy, would you like to come and stay the night in the villa?"  
Somewhere deep in his consciousness, a little voice screamed out, "No you need to leave!" but that voice was drowned out by a more assertive voice, a voice that convinced and got what it wanted. Percy found himself agreeing entirely with that assertive voice. "Yes," he found himself saying, "yes I would very much like to stay in the villa."  
"Come on then," the voice whispered.

The stars, they are so bright tonight was Percy's only thought as he followed the well dressed Butler through a large glass door and into a bedroom in the villa. The whole room suggested-no, the whole room shouted comfort. The ceiling was a soothing cream colour, not dull just very calming and welcoming. The bed was a large round shape, like sleeping in a clam shell with some fine posh linen that you find in equally posh hotels. In other words it was a cool posh room in some mysterious villa that you should be suspicious of.  
"Goodnight," the Butler bowed and left, closing the glass door behind him.

"I am so right!" yelped Apollo, "Percy is definitely done for!"  
"Oh shut up and stop showing off. You are after all the god of the prophecy," said Aphrodite with annoyance.  
"Yeah, the god of prophecies," joined in Hermes.  
"Shut up all of you!" roared Hephaestus, "A good T.V series writer should always have a trick or two up his sleeves, you know, make it less predictable…" he finished evilly.

"But…but…I am the prophecy guy! I see all!" protested Apollo and to that Hephaestus just smiled, "My dear boy! You really don't know about T.V series!"

Meanwhile…

"Where is Percy?" asked Thalia stamping her feet and striking the ground with her sword in anger. Everyone looked at the ground.  
"What?" Annabeth screeched, "None of you guys know where Percy is?"  
Everyone looked at the ground some more. Luke made the mistake of shaking his head sadly.  
"Luke!" Annabeth hissed, "Do you know the whereabouts of a Mr Percy Jackson?"  
"Ugh Annabeth? Why are you talking like a pirate?"  
'Just answer the question," Annabeth growled,  
"Okay, okay!" Luke shouted and took out his Demigod Christmas Guide.  
He flicked through some of the pages and finally stopped at a page with the title: _The LOST and FOUND._  
The article read:

_At Christmas, the rushing crowd is enormous so it isn't a surprise when a friend or two goes missing but by reading the tips down below you'll find your most beloved-or not so beloved in no time!  
_

_1. Look in the stomach of a monster. If he or she isn't digested, you might just find them alive or salvage bits of them. Great souvenir!  
2. Check the Underworld (if you're keen) after all, everybody does end up there at some stage.  
3. Scrutinize yourself. Are you a bad friend? Do you smell? Are you a hypocrite or just plain evil? Ask yourself these questions and the answer might just lie in you!  
4. Go to the reception desk. We here at Demigod Guides know how tough it is to approach those beautiful ladies with the little pencil skirts and the blouses but trust us. They can help! They use a speaker system and it's like a magnet. Your friend is bound to appear! Plus if you use your manners you might just receive a lollipop!  
5. Turn on the T.V. If your friend is important enough he or she might just make it onto Hephaestus T.V! Have a look around, get into contact with Godly Networks and find your friend!_

"Let's just go with the 5th one…I just hate reception ladies…don't you?" asked Grover  
"Nope," everyone shook their heads.  
"So I guess what I am asking now is…" started Grover  
"Will you marry me?" finished Luke. Everyone except Grover and Luke stood there with a puzzled expression on their faces while Grover and Luke rolled around on the ground, laughing uncontrollably.  
"What just happened?" questioned Annabeth,  
"I believe it's a side effect of losing friends," announced Clarisse in a posh voice, reading the Demigod Guide Luke dropped, "I believe it is a way of getting rid of the stress accumulating inside and is actually very healthy! Do not fear, your friends are not mad, just very very sad."  
"Oh my gods! That guide does have everything!" yelled Bianca amazed,  
"Well that clears things up doesn't it?" chirped Thalia brightly, "Now we have slightly cuckoo friends and Percy is still nowhere to be found. This is such a failed quest."

10 minutes later…

Grover and Luke picked themselves up from the ground, " So who has a T.V?" Grover managed,  
"You really think that'll work?" asked Thalia, sceptical  
"Yeah! The Guide Book knows all!" shouted Luke, getting slightly defensive  
"Okay then I'll suppose we have to go back to camp then…" Nico suggested, "The gods were watching something on Hephaestus T.V…"  
"What? You mean go all the way back to camp?" asked Grover incredulous, "That is idiotic, it's rubbish, ludicrous, preposterous, unimaginable-"  
"Grover!" sighed Thalia exasperated, "We're not even out of camp, that's the pine tree over there and there's the big house…"  
"But still!" Grover moaned, "Do you know how big camp is?"  
"Big enough for you to walk back to the cabins," cut in Thalia cracking a smile, "come on Goat Boy, it's Christmas and you don't want to miss out on presents do you?"

The little quest team trudged back to the cabins.

* * *

Percy: Yay! It's now time for the 'deal'!  
Thalia: What deal?  
Percy: The detention deal of course!  
Thalia: Yeah…the one that involves me dressing up like Barbie?  
Percy: Yeah…precisely…  
Me: Okay I am so sorry guys but as you can see Luke swore on the River Styx and it's a binding oath!  
Thalia (hissing): Shut up!  
Me: The good news is that Luke only swore to the terms that he should convince you…  
Thalia (sighing): I am saved… I'll just say no…and it'll be over!  
Me: Sorry about that… the readers will be terribly upset! They won't know what detention Percy got!  
* Thalia shoots evils at my face*  
Me (whispering): I forgot the plot anyway…  
Percy: NOOOOOOO! Author, how could you?  
Me: Sorry sorry… but perhaps…  
*whispers in Thalia's ear*  
Thalia (brightly): Yes! That's good!  
Me: And I am so sorry Percy, I will try my best to come up with the most horrible detention ever! Oh and let me know what you think Percy's detention should be….review!


	25. It's Dr Thorn!

Thalia, Luke and Percy: I cannot believe you are back… What do you want?  
Me( sounding deeply hurt): What do you mean what do I want? I am the author, here to update the story…  
*Thalia, Luke and Percy gives me the ultra look of absolute hatred*  
Poseidon: I cannot believe you have the nerve to come back after all those months… ALL THOSE MONTHS!  
Me: Oh, not you as well Poseidon…  
*Poseidon also gives me the ultra absolute look of hatred (which nearly incinerates all the mortal people in the room)*  
Me: Okay look, I'm sorry I didn't update. I know it's been awhile but…I'm back and I promise to update as soon as I can… SWEAR ON THE STYX.  
*Everyone looks grudgingly at me*  
Me: You guys are the most wonderful bunch of characters I have ever met… you good looking bunch…  
Thalia (smirking): You SUCK at flattery.  
Me: Oh yeah! Remember how you said this:  
"Wow, Apollo's hot!"- _Chapter 4, The Titan's Curse_  
Apollo: Really? You said that?  
*Thalia gives me looks of poison*  
Thalia: NOT HELPING!  
Me: Okay, sorry but seriously I missed you guys…  
*SOPPY MUSIC COMES ON*  
Annabeth: Then what are you waiting for? ON WITH THE STORY and it better be good…

(Personal note: Hearing threats from Annabeth is quite scary. The dagger's sharp you know.)

* * *

The quest team limped back to the cabins after going not very far. Why were they limping? I have not a clue but that is not the important part.  
The important part is that they gathered around the front of the Poseidon cabin. They were forming a plan.

"You don't think the gods will let us watch the news will they?" asked Grover nervously, his hooves banging against each other like gongs.  
DONG DONG DONG  
Annabeth tried very hard to ignore the sound and said in her most authoritative voice, "No. We need a plan."  
Everyone looked expectantly at Annabeth Chase.  
"What?" asked Annabeth a little annoyed, "Do I have something on my face?"  
Luke started to nod then got zapped by Thalia and started to shake his head, his hair fizzing slightly.  
"Okay, we need to isolate-" Annabeth began but was drowned out by the sound of metal going through a grinder or something.  
Grover continued to stuff aluminium cans in his mouth, "Here goes the coke," he said between bites.

Annabeth gave Grover The Look. It said if you don't shut up in the next five seconds, you'll probably have to use a walking stick the rest of your life.  
Grover shut up.  
"Now then," continued Annabeth, "We need to isolate the gods. Make them want to do something else rather than watch...than watch," she searched for the right word, her face screwed up in concentration.  
Luke smirked but then went deadly serious as Bianca poked him in the ribs with her arrow. It was the sharp end. "Than watch STUPID HEPHASATUS T.V!" she finished loudly her eyes tearing up. Everyone looked sympathetic, even Luke. She was worried sick about Percy and so were they.  
"I heard that!" came Hephaestus' voice from inside the cabin and everyone, despite the fact they felt miserable right now, cracked up.

They were still on the ground laughing their heads off when Dionysus poked his head through the cabin door. "Quiet you insufferable bunch of kids! Quiet! My Titans, I HATE kids, especially demigod kids. Can't even watch T.V properly when they're around, and it's Christmas too…"  
"MR D!" It was Grover's voice, "Mr D, please. Percy's gone missing! We need to…to save him from doom!" Grover's hooves started banging together again, BONG BONG BONG. Poor Grover, trying to make up for annoying Annabeth had a boost of courage just then but that courage was now gone, leaving him to face Mr D's fury.  
Mr D looked kind of pale, he was about to say something to Grover. Luke closed his eyes even though he was already dead and Annabeth cringed. Grover reached for his last aluminium can.  
Something bad was going to happen.

Then Hephaestus put a hand on Mr D's shoulder and said something in Ancient Greek. Mr D shrugged and slowly headed back inside muttering something along the lines of, "I need another one of those Kronos mince pies…"  
Everyone let out a big sigh.  
"Well," reasoned Bianca, "You guys are still alive but still nowhere near finding Percy. "I don't think we want to risk annoying them again by asking them to switch the channel…"  
Everyone nodded their agreement.  
Luke started rubbing his arms. Thalia gave him a frown.  
"Well," Luke began, obviously impressed by Grover's burst of courage, "I could still just ask my dad and Apollo… if they could change the channel. Apollo and I, we're practically best friends you know…"  
Before anyone could say anything along the lines of NO… He ran inside.

The gods were all sitting around the extra large flat screen T.V. There was popcorn everywhere and while Demeter was busy siphoning it away by magic Apollo just sat back and kept stuffing it in his mouth. Zeus looked on in disapproval.  
Luke suddenly felt awkward. Nobody even cared where their kids were, they must be the worst parents in Greek Mythology, in modern day America, in the ENTIRE WORLD.  
He hastily approached Hermes sitting on the arm of the sofa (Apollo was now laying there siphoning M&Ms into his mouth, taking up the whole sofa).  
"Ugh hey dad!" Luke began, trying to sound bright,  
"Oh hey Luke," Hermes replied, turning to face Luke and a smile lit up his face, "I'm glad Hades let you out for a bit you know, it's good to have you back…"  
"Ugh Dad? Can I ask you something?"  
Hermes laughed, "Sure Luke…Anything!" Apollo jerked his head up from his laying position on the sofa and cracked a smile while shouting desperately, "He's lying, he's lying!"  
Hermes clamped his hand on top of Apollo's mouth and ignored him while muffled sounds continued from a struggling Apollo. Luke looked at Apollo warily and continued, "Can we watch the news?"  
Hermes frowned, "Anything but that Luke! Everyone's hooked you know! To change channels would mean Titan War III!"  
"It's Percy..." he blurted out, "He's gone missing!"  
That probably didn't mean anything to his dad, most Olympian parents only care about their kids and even that's caring for them in a subtle way. Most other demigod children created feelings of extreme hate or fury.  
Hermes smiled, "Oh, if that's what you're worried about then watch T.V with us!"  
That was the most ludicrous thing he'd heard all day. WATCH T.V while Percy could be in mortal danger?  
Luke was about to head straight out again when an animated voice burst out from the T.V.  
"_Welcome to another episode of Keeping up with Mr Jackson! The reality T.V show that has got the Olympians hooked! To switch channels would cause Titan War III!_"  
Luke stopped in his tracks.  
_MR JACKSON?  
Percy?  
_Apollo said through a mouthful of crisps, "He's right you know," while Hades nodded his agreement.  
"Right about what?" asked Luke, temporarily stunned,  
"Titan War III, haven't you been listening to anything?" piped in Aphrodite.

A burst of colour exploded on T.V with Percy's face in the middle and cheesy talk show music accompanying it. Athena looked up from her book, Aphrodite stopped applying makeup, Hephaestus cackled at the success of his show.

Luke sat down with a thump onto the nearest armchair and gazed at the T.V in astonishment.  
A figure appeared on screen, a boy with dark hair and sea green eyes…  
_Percy, its Percy…Percy's on T.V.  
_

Percy yawned as the sun came up in the sky making the sea glitter; he knew where the hidden cameras were and pretended not to see them.  
He knew that his face would appear on millions of Hephaestus across the States and in other mythological realms. Maybe Calypso was watching…He smiled at the thought…Somewhere deep down, he still had a crush on Calypso.  
The butler was about to come in any moment now, just like on the script. This was going to be a great show.  
BAM. The door flew open. The butler entered and smiled an evil smile, at least what he hoped was an evil smile, manticores weren't actors after all. "Time for breakfast Mr. Jackson!" said Dr Thorn  
(On normal occasions he would be impaling spikes into Percy but since it's the holiday season, he was happy just to play the bad guy.)  
Percy put on a happy smile and walked with Dr Thorn/Butler towards the dining hall.

There was no food on the table, just row upon row of ingredients laid out. Dr Thorn got out a frying pan and said, "You name the breakfast."  
"Ugh, waffles," said Percy, "With fresh cream and blueberries and lots and lots of sprinkles!"  
The manticore butler started cracking eggs and buttering the Sunbeam waffle maker while Percy sipped some orange juice.

"OH MY TITIANS!" cried Apollo as he began pulling and yanking at his face, "NO! PERCY'S not going to be eaten? NO, MY PROPHECY'S WRONG!"  
Hephaestus smiled a smug smile. Luke jumped out of his seat, "Oh my GODS!" he yelled pulling at his hair, "Percy's going to be eaten by…by…DR THORN?"

"No you silly child of 21, of course not, this is just a fictitious T.V Christmas special…"  
"Oh," Luke breathed, flopping down.

Luke was gone for quite awhile and when he shouted OMGS really loudly, everyone came rushing in…  
Annabeth looked distraught as Luke quietly sat down and watched the programme, "What's going on here?"  
There was a chorus of _SHHHs_ and the gang turned their eyes onto the T.V.  
Athena magicked up some beanbags and everyone flopped down to watch Percy eating breakfast.

* * *

Me: Satisfied with the story?  
*Annabeth stowed her dagger away*  
* Percy still looked a little annoyed*  
Percy: What about my detention story huh?  
Me: I haven't forgotten and I plan to end this for once and for all  
Luke, Thalia, Percy and everyone else: GOOD  
Me: So if you'd tell us Percy…you'll find you know exactly what happened  
Percy: Hey, you're right!  
_So there I was, standing in front of the big house, shivering in me boots…  
_Grover: But you don't even have any boots!  
Percy: Okay fine, fine, do you want me to continue or not?  
Grover: Sorry  
Percy: _Mr D opened the door and he beckoned for me to come in. He looked particularly evil in the twilight and I was scared…  
_Bianca: Really? Just scared?  
Percy: Okay, fine. Petrified then…  
*Bianca nodded her approval*  
Percy: _And I crept in hastily. I bet Mr D had some nasty jobs for me to do. He handed me a toilet brush and demanded that I go up stairs.  
_*Percy opened his eyes wide*  
_ There was the bathroom on my right but Mr D yanked me off to the left... I knew that this was going to be bad, I entered and found myself face to face with a bathtub the made out of marble. It was hot and bubbly and smelt of grape bubble bath from the corner store. Mr D came in after me and with a pop he transported himself into the bathtub. With another wave of his hand a range of beautifying products appeared, there were nail varnishes and spa hot stones…  
I was gobsmacked. My toilet brush had turned into one of those pumice stones for rubbing heels or something and Mr D looked at me expectantly and said, "Well son? What are you waiting for?"  
So I spent a good half hour or so rubbing the dead skin off Mr D's heel…  
_*Annabeth looks at Percy with wonder*  
Luke (in a hypnotised voice): Did Mr D really have a marble bathtub?  
*Percy nodded*  
Percy: Even worse we had to listen to Chiron's Frank Sinatra collection…  
*Everyone looks at Percy sympathetically*  
Luke: WOW, I can't believe Mr D has a marble bathtub! Let's go check it out!  
*Everyone rushes out*_  
_


	26. Apollo is Kronos' favourite grandson

Me: I'm updating again!  
*Everyone ignores me*  
Me: Come on! I didn't update in like 7 months and now I'm finally updating again... I NEED a gold star right?  
Everyone(muttering): yeah yeah…  
Annabeth: You should've updated regularly!  
*I look depressed*  
Me: Okay then, should we continue with the story?  
Percy: HOLD IT!  
Me: Hold what?  
*Percy looks at me exasperated*  
Percy: Remember the deal? Thalia had to dress up as Barbie with Luke being Ken… Luke swore on the river Styx.  
Me: Okay… Let's sort another annoying problem out…YAY!  
*Muttering to myself*  
Me: Why did I even make the Percy's detention bit up?

* * *

The steaming waffle slid out of the Sunbeam waffle maker with much prodding and scraping from Dr Thorn and finally this doughy square, faintly resembling a waffle slid onto Percy's plate while Dr Thorn added the mushy blueberries, the badly whisked fresh cream (still in liquid state) and a mountain of sprinkles. Percy looked at his plate in disgust which wasn't really hard giving the circumstances. He looked up at Dr Thorn, putting on a frown, "Can you cook something else please?  
Something that's actually edible?"  
"What do you want me to cook?" asked Dr Thorn blandly,  
"Sausages and eggs should be easy enough for you..." instructed Percy, he had never seen anyone mess up breakfast so bad, even he could make waffles in a Sunbeam waffle maker…(Double checking the instructions is better than having a really mutant looking waffle on your plate right?)  
But Dr Thorn just shook his head, "Too greasy…"  
"What about muesli and milk?" asked Percy, starting to get a little annoyed (and surprised at how good he was at being an actor)  
"Too nutritious…" answered Dr Thorn,  
"Toast with jam?" asked Percy hesitantly  
"TOO JAMMY…" finished Dr Thorn, "I hate JAMMY things…" he roared.  
"You know what?" asked Percy standing up, "I'm done here. Thank you for your kind hospitality but I think I need to get home now... It's Christmas Eve!"  
Dr Thorn pursed his lips and smiled a twisted smile (he too was getting surprised at how good an actor he was) "Not so fast," he said.  
Percy started walking towards the huge glass door leading to a grassy lawn, shining like emeralds in the morning sun but immediately, the door slammed shut with a bang. Panicked, Percy immediately ran for the nearest window and jumped back as the window melted into the wall leaving nothing behind but solid plaster and brick. Aghast, Percy backed right into the clutches of Dr Thorn…

Zeus sat motionless in his armchair, his coffee halfway to his mouth. It had been there from the beginning of the episode and now as the ads scrolled on, he zapped it with some lighting to get it to heat up again.

Aphrodite was reclining gracefully on a silver deer skin rug in front of the sofa (generously sponsored by Artemis) popping 99.9% fat free sorbets into her mouth and now as the ads rolled on in Hephaestus T.V she stared at Ares with wide eyes as if getting reassurance that Percy was going to be okay.

Apollo smiled, his white teeth flashing. He kept nudging Hermes and giving him the thumbs up and winking goofily. Hermes just rolled his eyes and frowned, edging away from his maniacal friend.

Annabeth got her dagger out and muttered, "I am going to skewer that Dr Thorn."  
Thalia and gone a little pale and she whispered, "I can't believe Dr Thorn's cruel enough to broadcast it on T.V! But why is everyone so unconcerned?"  
Luke was about to answer, turning towards Thalia but was stopped by Hephaestus. He still did get most of the words out:"Because it's not-"  
Hephaestus gave Luke the evils.  
Grover just chewed more aluminium cans…  
Thalia frowned and Annabeth smiled a bright smile, "It's not real! Of course!" she muttered, "How can we all be so stupid?"  
Hephaestus glowered at them and muttered, "Curse that Hecate, she told me this confounding charm would work… Now look, broken by a child of Athena…" Hephaestus frowned then the frown cleared away like a patch of storm clouds and he smiled. There was still one trick up his sleeve.

Percy opened his eyes and realised he was not in the dining hall anymore. He was in some sort of dungeon, bound by thick rope and gagged. He noticed the only source of light came from a large cast iron chandelier hanging like some sort of torture device from the ceiling and the candles cast eerie shadows throughout the room. He squirmed and the muffled sound reached Dr Thorn, hunched over the fire stirring a large black caldron like some evil manticore witch who likes eating demigod children…  
Dr Thorn smiled his signature twisted smile again (he was thinking it could be his signature smile for the red carpet premiere) and his mismatched eyes flashed ominously, "Yes Percy Jackson," he said in his infamous French accent, "Welcome to breakfast my dear!"  
Percy imagined that this was for real, that he was on a quest again and Dr Thorn was really going to eat him and his face paled and sweat rolled down his face. The temperature in the room was climbing due to the strong fire Dr Thorn built and he must've felt it too because on impulse (he wanted his career as an actor to take off) he said to Percy casually like only a mad monster actor would, "Is it hot in here or is that just me?"  
It was NOT on the script.  
Percy bit his lip to stop himself from laughing his head off. Suddenly Dr Thorn seemed about as threatening as his Pippa Pig toddler slippers he bought when he was three.

Watching from the Poseidon cabin, Hephaestus grimaced as well. Trust Dr Thorn to ruin a perfectly intense, spine chilling moment… But everyone else howled with laughter. Aphrodite smiled and cheered, "You're right Dr Thorn, you are hot! Whoo!"  
Ares looked miffed.  
The demigods, for once since they noticed that Percy was gone actually laughed and enjoyed the moment.  
Nico piped up, "Dr Thorn's pretty cool, despite the fact that he wanted to kill me, Bianca and Percy at Westover…"  
Bianca hugged his brother and Nico protested, his arms flying in all directions, "Ugh, ge offof me," he mumbled as Bianca squeezed him in a bone crushing hug. Annabeth and Thalia just grinned.

Dr Thorn cackled evilly, "Come on Percy," he cooed, "Why the long face?" Without taking his eyes of an indignant Percy he bowed like a circus ringmaster and produced a roll of knives giving off cold sharp glints in the candle light. "Chop chop Percy!" he laughed as Percy flinched away from him.

He picked Percy up as if he weighed nothing and dropped him roughly on a scoured wooden table filled with herbs and grinders and olive oil bottles and bowls with fresh ingredients in them. Percy laid on top of the table in an awkward position as Dr Thorn untied his gag and sang in falsetto, "Open wide my dear! Here comes the train!" while he prised Percy's mouth open and filled it with a teaspoon of figs. "Hold them there dear! Don't swallow!" continued Dr Thorn while Percy chewed with all his might and swallowed. Dr Thorn looked at Percy coolly, "You're still gonna die you know…"

The Poseidon cabin had gone quiet. Poseidon didn't like awkward silences so he started humming _What Shall We do with the Drunken Sailor_ as Percy and Dr Thorn battled on T.V.  
Everyone gave him incinerating looks of hatred.  
"Shush!" hissed Apollo, evidently annoyed, "We're getting to the good part!"  
"What?" asked Poseidon, "I just can't watch my son getting eaten by an evil manticore butler!"  
Kronos looked ashamed and stood up to check on the cookie dough. _Poseidon,_ he thought, _is a good dad._

Percy yelled with rage as Dr Thorn manhandled him and dropped him in a large baking tray, already greased. "La la la!" hummed Dr Thorn as he chopped the potatoes and Kumara to go with the Percy dish and he flicked on the T.V to find some cooking shows.  
"Hmm…" he mused, "Kronos Christmas Cooking Special or Nigella in the Kitchen?" He glanced back at Percy to get some suggestions but all he got was a scowl from our annoyed and desperate hero.  
In the end he chose Nigella in the Kitchen and Kronos snorted, "That stupid Thorn, doesn't know what's good for him...Wait till the holidays are over and I'll throw him along with all my pathetic children-" here he glanced at the gods, "into Tartarus…"  
All the gods gave him the eyebrow…  
"You will wait till after New Year won't you?" asked Apollo apprehensively eyeing the turkey in the oven,  
"Of course, of course, " smiled Kronos as he passed Apollo another one of his mince pies, "What good cook would pass up the chance for his family and friends to taste some fine cuisine?" he asked Apollo.  
The sun god couldn't answer (his mouth was too full) as he laid back and enjoyed his mince pie while Kronos stared at him lovingly (if that were even possible) and sighed, "You know, Apollo is my favourite grandson…Why? The boy absolutely loves food!" Apollo nodded in agreement to Kronos, all thoughts about his loving grandfather throwing him into Tartarus gone.

* * *

Me: Phew…Another chapter completed!  
Percy: Argh… I'm gonna get eaten by Dr Thorn!  
*Everyone nods sympathetically*  
Me: Pshh, it's not even real…  
*Everyone gives me the evils*  
Me: What? Just stating the truth here…  
Percy: We need to get the DEAL sorted okay?  
Me: Oh yes! The deal! Thalia if you please!  
*Thalia grumbles while Luke scowls*  
*They grab each other's arms and put on demented, creepy smiles*  
* Grover starts playing Wedding March on his Panpipes*  
*Bianca starts humming: _Here comes the bride, here comes the groom_*  
* Percy tries to point out that Thalia has no resemblance to Barbie and that Luke looks way better than Ken but nobody even cares*  
*They finish walking up the pretend aisle and everybody claps*  
Grover: And now you may kiss the bride!  
*They kind of kiss*  
Percy: It's suppose to be Barbie and Ken though!  
Thalia (smiling a little too hard): It's our version of Demented Barbie and Creepy Ken!  
*Percy scowls*  
Percy: You guys have great chemistry you know!  
*Luke looks up hopefully*  
Thalia: This is so not going to happen lover boy…  
Luke: oh…why?  
Thalia: A. I am a HUNTER, in case you haven't noticed and B. YOU ARE DEAD Luke… Dead as a doornail (although that phrase is clique)… It'll never work!  
Luke: And being dead…It's a deal breaker is it?  
*Thalia just zaps Luke real hard*


	27. Some impromptu drama

Me: Hey guys! I'm back again!  
Everyone else: Yeah, we know that you'll update regularly now okay?  
Me (flicking through the whole story): You know what? My story is actually very confusing…  
*Everyone takes sudden interest in their shoelaces*  
Me: Okay, let's just get some bits straight… This is set on Christmas Eve because the shops won't even be open on Christmas Day… And I have no idea why Aphrodite is talking out of Hermes' cell phone in the beginning... WHY?  
*Everyone looks at Aphrodite*  
Aphrodite: Well don't look at me!  
Me: SIGH… It's a random story right?  
Hades, Poseidon, Zeus: Well at least we can all agree on this point!  
Me: YAY!  
Percy: You 'yay' too much these days…  
*I give Percy an annoyed look*  
Me: fine… YIPEE!  
Nico: That was even worse…  
Me: Don't you guys have better things to do than pick on the poor author all day?  
Nico and Percy: NOPE!

* * *

_A hero never dies right?_ Thought Percy frantically as he tried to untie the rope that bound him…_If only he had Riptide! If only he could distract Dr Thorn for awhile!  
_But all efforts were hopeless as Percy tried and tried to set himself free. He absolutely refused to get eaten by a stupid manticore and as Dr Thorn came to carry him to the oven he squirmed and trashed as if they were making him do a reading test on Christmas Eve…  
Dr Thorn threw spikes at Percy and yelled in utter annoyance. "Curse Kronos and his cook book! He said that meat would taste better if cooked alive!"  
In reality, he was actually scared at the sight of blood and felt unnerved if he had to cut Percy up and get his albino white fur stained by demigod blood. Yuck! That was the REAL reason Percy was still alive but Dr Thorn would have none of it now.  
"You insolent, arrogant little child!" he shouted, a feeling of fury coursing through him. A couple of Dr Thorn's spikes bounced off of Percy's chest.  
Dr Thorn gave a little moan and said, "Hey, that's not fair! You took a little dip in the Styx!" This time he gave Percy a look of absolute loathing and seemed to study Percy like perhaps eating him might give him indigestion.  
"Well, I'll find a way to subdue you!" laughed Dr Thorn, "You are a mere child!"  
Percy looked at Dr Thorn with a sort of sympathy in his eyes… "Dr Thorn, I'm 17..."  
Dr Thorn looked as if he was at his wits end… "So you think I can't overpower a teenager?"  
Percy nodded curtly, "You can't even over power a pussy…"

Dr Thorn growled, It was true, he can't even overpower a cute little pussy…He remembered when he was still in 'high school' back in the days when fell in love with a cute white Persian kitty brought over to Greece by the prince of Persia… It still broke his heart thinking about it today… _She was too good for me_, thought Dr Thorn…  
Thinking about his lost love, Dr Thorn got even madder and madder and when he looked at Percy again, he not a boy of 17 but the olive skinned, prince of Persia taking away his beloved Kitty forever…

Aphrodite stopped eating sorbets, Apollo stopped nudging Hermes and stuffing his mouth, Zeus checked his watch a second time for some random reason and they all whispered to their neighbours about how Dr Thorn was really a big softie…

"Like marshmallows…" commented Apollo and Hermes punched him hard-using all the godly might he could muster- on the shoulder…  
Apollo being rather skinny and less buff than Hermes nearly fell over and Aphrodite looked at them both from beneath a glittery layer of lavender eye shadow and mascara and smiled, "If I didn't know better, I would say you guys are in a '_bromance'."_  
Aphrodite laughed happily (anything remotely to do with love made her happy), "AWW how sweet!" she cooed, "Any relationship advice you can ask me!" and with that she turned back to watching the T.V.  
Apollo smiled a sly smile, "Wow ho ho Hermes! I never knew you had a man crush on me!"  
Hermes went red and gritted his teeth, "No, it is you Apollo that has a man crush on me!"  
It was turning out to be like a did to/did not argument and Aphrodite sighed dramatically, "Can you boys just get over yourselves for a minute and watch the SHOW?"  
Both gods went quiet and looked self conscious for a few minutes. Zeus probably disapproved of all this 'bromance' nonsense and they saw him looking at them now, his regal eyebrows frowned in what looked liked disapproval (again).

"Dad," muttered Apollo, "Has this thing against us, I swear!"  
"I know," replied Hermes, "It's because you always listen to that ipod of yours at winter solstice meetings…"  
Apollo pinched Hermes real hard with cosmic radiation added in for good measure and Hermes looked as his burnt skin and scowled, "You know Apollo… I might just get skin cancer from putting up with you for eternity! And then although I can't die, I'll look real ugly with all the skin peeling off and black dots appearing everywhere… There's no need okay?" Hermes added forcefully, still enraged by the man crush comment earlier,  
"Everyone, despite how much junk food you consume each day and how you NEVER work out-like ever, EVERYONE STILL THINKS YOU'RE THE MOST HANDSOME GOD IN ALL GREEK MYTHOLOGY!"

Everyone had paused to watch their little argument as Hermes' voice was getting quiet loud. Hephaestus even paused his T.V show, speaking into a secret mouth piece that Percy and Dr Thorn can have a break for a few minutes while ads suddenly took over so everyone could watch this exciting impromptu drama.  
Hermes, feeling touchy that anyone should confuse his uncanny friendship with Apollo with affection or love or whatever it was, was outraged so as he continued shouting, he didn't notice that everyone's eyes were on him.  
The demigods' eyes got bigger and wider as the row went on, scared of what might happen. Nico timidly got out a small video recorder and Annabeth quickly slapped it out of his hands, "You want to incinerate us all?" she asked in a forceful whisper.

"Ooo…" continued Hermes, his eyes trained on Apollo's, "He's so good looking... He's so cool!". He allowed himself to be carried away in a wave of I-must-conceal- the- truth using the 'you're better looking than me' excuse as a reason to cover the man crush comment. Truth be told, deep down he really liked Apollo and if one day, Apollo faded like Pan, Hermes would probably be miserable for eons and eons. He never really had a friend as good as Apollo's but that was private.  
He was half-way between mimicking fainting nymphs and fan girls when he suddenly he noticed all the attention. A sudden burst of scarlet flushed his cheeks and he trailed away, smiling awkwardly and bowing all of a sudden...

Hades loved all dramas and clapped at once, "BRAVO BRAVO! What a mighty fine actor you make Hermes!"  
Zeus didn't like all this 'good looking' nonsense (as predicted by Apollo) and he gazed at his sons with wonder while muttering to Poseidon, "Where did I GO WRONG WITH THEM?" he cried wringing his hands… "They act too immaturely to be powerful gods! Apollo, he acts like a teenager all the time…He PUTS ON ZIT CREAM for Tiitan's sake! He's about as old as western civilisation and his skin is perfect all the time and yet…"  
"He acts like a teenager?" finished Poseidon,  
"Exactly!" cried Zeus, "And Hermes, he's better but he's still acting as if he intends to dance the night away with the girl of his dreams or something and good looking Apollo's stealing all that from him..."  
Zeus shook his head sadly…  
Everyone else smiled, pretending this was all an act and left Hermes and Apollo to face the music later but for now… BACK TO THE SHOW!

Percy was squirming again as Dr Thorn tried to prise his mouth open to feed him some drugged wine. He had nearly given up having any breakfast but the heartbreaking flashback gave him new strength. "For Mia!" he cried (the cat's called Mia) as he finally prised Percy's mouth open with the aid of his spikes, shoved a large spoon of drugged wine down his throat.

At the same time, Dr Thorn consulted his cook book, it said to let the 'meat' walk around a bit for faster affects of falling unconscious and Dr Thorn did just that. He was ravenous.  
He untied Percy and shouted, "Walk around till you fall over unconscious and make it snappy!"  
Percy couldn't believe his luck. He couldn't feel the effects of the drug yet and he had no intention of falling unconscious without having a good fight.  
"This is going to be good!" cackled Hephaestus as he quietly congratulated himself for paying that extra drachma for the slow-mo cameras.

Percy and Dr Thorn began to fight. Percy retrieved his sword, Riptide and slashed at Dr Thorn while Thorn poured forth wave upon wave of his spikes (extra sharp).

At first Percy was fighting well, his sword slashing and chopping through the air at Dr Thorn but then after a few minutes he began to feel his hand getting heavy. Too heavy.  
Dr Thorn smiled a nasty smile, "Yes Percy Jackson! Yes! Fall asleep now and you won't feel a thing,"  
Percy, although he was feeling so tired he was seeing double he continued to fight aimlessly; Dr Thorn was merely waiting for him to collapse now. Thorn threw his head back and laughed.

"Wow, Thorn's good," commented Hephaestus under his breath, "I need him in more of my shows!"

Percy clutched the edge of the table. He was going to fall over any minute now, the floor looked so inviting. It took all his strength not to fall asleep and as Riptide clattered to the flagstone floor Dr Thorn advanced herding him towards the oven tray. Percy felt his vision going blurry. There was no strength left in him now and even his breath seemed extra slow but he couldn't bear it if Dr Thorn won…What would he say to the people in the Underworld? _Ohh I got eaten by a manticore because he drugged me… how pathetic does that sound?_ Percy clenched his teeth and before Thorn realised what he was doing, he staggered over and threw himself into the oven.

"Argh!" screamed Aphrodite covering her eyes and reaching for a comforting hand to squeeze, "Oh my, I didn't know that this was a horror movie!" she squealed at Hephaestus while squeezing Hermes' hand making Ares extra miffed.  
Everyone's faces were frozen in horror. There were eyebrows raised (Ares), chins dropping to the ground in horror (the demigods and most of the gods), a secretive smile coming on (Hephaestus) and Poseidon looked absolutely horrified.  
Nobody said anything but just looked at each other. This was a Christmas Special?  
Even Kronos could've come up with something more suitable.  
Everyone looked at Hephaestus in alarm but Hephaestus just glanced around nervously as if waiting for something to happen.  
_Maybe it was of me attacking him_, thought Poseidon…

But then the spotlights came on.  
Eyes grew rounder and rounder, Apollo and Hermes temporarily forgot the little embarrassment from a few minutes ago and looked at each other with curious expressions.  
Percy had dropped in from a tunnel in the ceiling and now as he stood there clutching a wooden box everyone could just stare at him and gape, minds not quite up to date about what happened.

Annabeth was the first to recover( as usual) and tackled Percy in a bear like hug. "Oh my gods!" she gasped, "You're alive?"  
Percy said nothing but just pointed to Hephaestus who was currently looking sheepish.

This was all part of the program. It was on live and millions of Greek mythology folk around the sates were right now watching, captivated. However that was soon disrupted by a hasty, "That will be all," and "Merry Christmas," as Athena discovered the cameras in the room and soon the gods were all complaining about how un-photogenic they all looked, even Aphrodite.

"Can't we just have a nice private Christmas please?" she cried and Hephaestus had to cut the program due to Olympus civil war precautions.

* * *

Me: Man I'm tired from writing all that!  
Apollo: Hey, who do you think is the hottest? Me or Hermes?  
*Everyone falls down in disbelief*  
Thalia: I can't believe you're still talking about it!  
Annbeth: Just get over it okay?  
Apollo(looking hurt): Just wanted to know…  
*Everyone rolls their eyes*  
Me: ANYWAYS MOVING ON… Have you guys noticed, when the story first started there were only a few gods in involved in the Christmas party?  
Everyone else: Yeah…  
Me: Well look everyone is here now and unfortunately some of you guys didn't participate in the Secret Santa… so it'll be awkward…when we open the presents…  
Apollo: Who will it be awkward for?  
Me: Ugh… I don't know. YOU… and Artemis and Aphrodite and plenty others who didn't come in the beginning according to the beginning of the story…  
Percy: Is this about how random your story is?  
Me: Ugh kind of?  
Annabeth and Thalia: I can't believe you're still on about it!  
Nico: Just get over it okay?


	28. Prezzie Time

Me: Hello, I'm back…  
Luke:  
_Who says  
Who says you're not perfect  
Who says you're not worth it  
Who says you're the only one that's hurting  
Trust me  
That's the price of beauty  
Who says you're not pretty  
Who says you're not beautiful  
Who says…  
_*awkward silence*  
Annabeth (laughing): I didn't know you like Selena Gomez...  
Luke (looking shocked): Who's Selena Gomez?  
Annabeth: UGH THE SINGER OF THAT SONG YOU WERE SINGING!  
Luke: Well, it's MY song now okay…so quit the talk about Selena Gomez  
Annabeth (sounding a little annoying): Well Luke, I don't think you can just take someone else's song… There's all these copyright laws and stuff…  
Luke: Like I care!  
_Who says… Who says I can't have her song… Who says?  
_*Everyone rolls eyes*  
Grover: I like Adele…  
Everyone else: OKAY…  
Grover: I mean I really, really like her…  
Annabeth: You mean you have a crush on Adele?  
Grover: You could say that…  
Me: Would anybody else like to break copyright laws or proclaim their secret crush?  
Thalia: Ooo me!  
Everyone else (a little too enthusiastic): Yes Thalia?  
Thalia: Okay... it'll sound random but… Tintin…  
Luke: AHAHHAH… YOU have a crush on TINTIN?  
Thalia (giving Luke the evils): Yes so?  
Luke: That's even more random than Grover having a crush on Adele…  
Grover : HEY!  
Luke: For Olympus' sake! He's a cartoon character!  
Me: Okay on with the story before they start fighting… and Thalia it's okay to have crushes on cartoon characters! If it makes you feel any better, when I was younger I thought Danny Phantom was really handsome…  
Everyone else: REALLY?  
Me: Yeah….  
Everyone else: OH MY GODS  
Me: NO of course not! What do you think!

* * *

After everyone got over that Percy jumped in an oven and is still alive they thought about the rest of the evening.  
"Presents!" yelled Nico, "We can finally open them!"  
Kronos came in wagging a finger, "But we have to eat dinner first! You don't want to miss out on your hearty nutritious meal do you?"  
"Come on! It's Christmas!" protested Nico, "YOU DON'T have nutritious meals!"  
"Nico, Nico, Nico," Kronos said sadly, "You need hearty nutritious meals to grow up strong and fight big bad grandpa Titans who want to kill you!"  
Kronos laughed merrily and when nobody joined in, his laughter died away and he smiled sheepishly,  
"Shall we eat?"  
Hermes piped up, "Those in favour raise your hand and say 'aye'!"  
There was a chorus of 'ayes' and then an annoyed, "Only one hand please, Apollo!" followed but other than that, there was no sound other than the shuffling of feet as everyone piled onto the couches while Apollo brought up the rear floating on some apparent breeze. Artemis shot him a look of surprise…  
"How do you do that?" she asked, "I want to be able to do that!"  
Apollo looked surprised, he didn't even notice he was flying in the air and as he broke out of his trance he slammed into the ground on his face.  
His nose got squashed in the process.  
Artemis giggled, "I guess you're not as cool as me after all!" and she stepped over his groaning figure with a smug smile.

While most people were sitting on the couches, gathered around a heightened coffee table (extra large), Apollo was reclining between Nico and Annabeth.  
He patted his stomach and smiled happily while Kronos brought out the roast turkey first. Everyone gave an appreciative gasp and Kronos beamed with joy. He chuckled happily and went back to get tray after tray of goodies.  
There were steamed veges, there were winter salads with shepards pies and lovely fresh rolls and meringues drizzled with passion fruit syrup. And then there was the chocolate log filled with fluffy white cream. Apollo's lip began to tremble. Hermes drooled. Zeus stared in shock.  
Then came mince pies and cheese with crackers and frozen sorbets and eggnogs in heart shaped cups.  
And all everybody could do was gaze at Kronos in wonder. _Is he trying to poison us with food we can't resist or is he trying to poison us with food we can't resist?  
Well, _thought Apollo,_ At least I can't die…_  
Kronos saw the puzzled expression on everyone's faces and added hastily, "Well… Tuck in!"

Annabeth looked at the god of medicine and prophecies, "Apollo, how good is your medical skills? Can you save us all if we were withering on the ground, dying of some mysterious poison?"  
Apollo looked like a cornered animal, "Well…" he muttered, "I think my medical skills are up to scratch,"  
_Damn,_ he thought, _I knew I should have read those medical journals sent to me when I first got the job as god of medicine.  
_"Well?" demanded Athena, "You're the god of prophecies, is Kronos trying to poison us?"  
Apollo turned a shade of green. _Damn,_ he thought, _I knew I should have read those seeing the future handbooks sent to me when I accepted the job as god of prophecies as well…  
_"Hello?" Athena waved her hand in front of Apollo's eyes and he jerked back to reality.  
He closed his eyes and tried to search for something that rhymed and had something to do with Kronos or food or poisioning…  
Suddenly he opened his eyes and said, "You may eat the food," although while everyone tucked in he secretly took out a stash of medical journals on poisoning and read them by slipping them out under the table.  
"What in Titan's name are you doing?" asked Zeus munching thoughtfully on a slice of chewy mozzarella,  
"Texting," replied Apollo automatically,  
"Oh," said Zeus, "I thought you were reading a secret stash of medical journals on poisoning…never mind!"  
Apollo quickly started talking to Nico and Annabeth in a loud animated voice.  
Zeus frowned, "Something's up but I can't quite put my finger on it…"

After a meal of endless stuffing food down mouths and sudden weird noises (that was Hermes suddenly chocking on his crispy pie crust and gagging), everyone decided they were full and changed to drinking eggnog instead.

Kronos did the honours of handing around the cups, "And a pink cup for you my dear Hades?"  
Hades smiled and accepted the rosy pink cup with grace but started giving Kronos the evils whenever he passed him or whenever they made eye contact.  
Everyone sipped their eggnog and this time the silence was not awkward.

Nico suddenly squealed, "Presents!"  
This time Kronos just smiled... like he booby trapped them or something.  
"Did you booby trap them?" asked Athena suspiciously,  
Kronos looked hurt, "Why, I'd never!" he protested, throwing his hands up in the air in desperation, "I'm not the bad guy!"  
"Ugh," broke in Percy, "who tried to take over Olympus?"  
"And ate his kids?" added Poseidon.  
"And double dipped twice when he thought nobody was watching..." put in Luke,  
Kronos sighed in defeat, "Okay, I'm the bad guy, but I did not booby trap your presents!"  
"Okay," shrugged Nico, "If you say so," and he started handing out the presents.  
Everyone decided to believe Kronos when they saw their presents on their laps, everyone except the late comers who didn't participate in secret santa but they too watched eagerly to see what the others got.  
"Where shall we begin?" asked Hermes excitedly eyeing the heavy lump wrapped in glittering gold with wonder.  
"We should go in a circle," said Athena wisely, "Starting with Zeus!"  
Zeus grumbled but was secretly pleased with the honour and tore open the package. He didn't care about opening them carefully... 'IT'S JUST WRAPPING PAPER!' he would tell Poseidon.  
Zeus stared at his lap, "What the Hades?" he said, as a multitude of things cascaded out.  
There was a bag with a dead goldfish floating on its belly-  
"I must've shook it too much," muttered Hades,  
and a bottle of ozone men's deodorant, the Clash of the Titans DVD and a set of opal cufflinks...  
"What the Hades?" Zeus repeated, "OPAL cufflinks… Opals are for the ladies! And what is it with this dead goldfish?"  
Poseidon raised one eyebrow and zapped it, the goldfish started swimming.  
"Dead?" questioned Poseidon,  
"Ugh...Well it was before…" muttered Zeus.  
Everyone else stared expectantly around the room; finally Hades couldn't take it anymore, "It was me okay... I didn't know what to get him!"  
Everyone made disgusted sounds.  
Hades shyly handed Zeus a Christmas card with a snoozing Cerberus on it and the bottom read:  
_Dreaming of a white Christmas…  
_Zeus read the writing and frowned, Hermes read over his shoulder,  
" _Dear Zeus  
I really have no idea what to get you but in case you were wondering I wanted to make myself clear on why I got you these things…  
1. The goldfish.  
Ever since the beginning I time, I thought you needed an easy to care for pet that you can call your own. I have Cerberus and I think he is just great, he really is the cutest and when annoying door to door salesmen come knocking, I can be sure he won't come back.  
:D  
2. The DVD.  
I know you just love Sam Worthington._

_3. The opal cufflinks.  
I think they bring out your eyes and make you look more handsome…or something like that…._

_4. The deodorant.  
Sometimes your armpits smell after a day of ruling Olympus and also brewing up some storms, I wanted to help you smell better.  
From your loving brother,  
Hades XOXO."  
_

"Aww," sighed Poseidon, "How sweet!"  
Hades grinned.  
Zeus sulked and zapped Hades with 100 volts of electricity.  
Hades started to fizz…  
Zeus smiled, "And now your turn Percy!" he said with artificial sweetness.

Percy glanced sideways at Zeus and started tearing his purple tissue wrapping paper carefully, removing each bit of sellotape as if dismantling a bomb and as the fragile paper ripped a centimetre he let out an involuntary squeak of terror. It took about 20 mins for him to finally get it open. Zeus sat there gritting his teeth the whole way through, reading the blurb of the Clash of the Titans DVD loudly while Poseidon gave him the evils and constantly sat at the edge of his seat in case Percy tore the paper and blew up Camp Half Blood.  
Inside was a T-Shirt, a baseball cap, some cool neon orange skateboard wheels and buried at the bottom a small bottle of pineapple flavoured surfboard wax.  
Percy gingerly lifted the orange wheels out of their box as if it were a soul reaping Titan scythe and looked at them again and again.  
Luke and Grover were already running their grubby little hands all over the T-shirt (L.A Dodgers) the cap (a skateboarding cap that cost Nico a fortune) and the bottle of wax.  
"What do you need this for?" asked Grover shoving the yellow pineapple smelling bottle under Percy's nose, "If you don't want it, can I eat it?"  
"Yes! YES!" screamed Percy, thinking about the skateboard wheels. This was what he had always wanted and now at last it is true!  
Grover started to unscrew the lid. He dipped his fingers into the soft mousse. Yum. Percy looked now, "What are you doing?"  
Grover froze, "What? You said I could eat it!"  
Percy gave Grover The Look, it said if you don't stop eating my precious wax, I will stop giving you my aluminium soft drink cans.  
Grover unhanded the bottle and sat back in his seat.  
Nico, unlike his dad, included a card inside the present so nobody would ever know it was him. He didn't want everyone to know he was capable of being so awesome. It would ruin his rebel reputation.  
Percy found the card and opened it up. He started reading it out loud, "NOOOO!" cried Nico.  
He shrank back into his chair and plotted to nick his dad's helm of darkness.  
"_Dear Percy_," read Percy as Nico pulled the edge of his Santa hat over his eyes, "_I hope you have a Merry Christmas. Do you like your presents? I know you like to ride your skateboard so I got you these cool wheels I saw and I decided to give you clothes although it's the n.o 1 NO-NO in Luke's handbook. I hope you like the Dodgers (you are a New Yorker but hey…).  
From,  
Nico _

_P.S- I got you the wax because of the question I asked you years ago: 'If you are the son of Poseidon, does that mean you are good at surfing?"  
P.P.S- Yeah I was annoying right?_

Percy looked at Nico and he smiled gratefully, "Gosh Nico, this is the best Christmas present I have ever received! Thank you so much!"  
Nico just folded his arms and said, "You're welcome."  
Percy looked at Nico again, sitting there shrivelled up like a raisin and tried to make him laugh, "Yeah I remembered that time… I honestly have never tried but I guess I would be pro… you know after all, surfers are hot right? So it's an advantage!"  
Poseidon rolled his eyes. Nico smiled faintly…  
Kronos took out a tin of pop tarts. Homemade Kronos style pop tarts. YUMMY!  
"Come on Nico," Kronos encouraged, "It's Christmas Eve. Here have a frosted vanilla poptart with strawberry filling!"  
Nico perked up. "I love strawberry and vanilla!" he cried and Kronos glanced at the parents/gods and said, "Here at Kronos pop tarts we care about customer experience so if you aren't completely satisfied with our 100% real fruit, homemade pop tarts we will happily refund it!"  
Nico picked up a pop tart, sipped his eggnog and pushed his hat on top of his head again.  
Apollo's eyes grew wide." I love pop tarts!"  
Kronos put the tin on his lap and said, "Later…"

* * *

Me: POP TARTS!  
Nico: Yay, I love you for that!  
Me: I am cool right?  
Apollo: HMPH… Call yourself an author?  
Me: Author of pop tart galore!  
*Me and Nico hi-fives*  
*Apollo scowls*  
Luke: I feel another song coming…  
Gover: ME TOO!  
Luke and Grover: ADELE TIME!  
Everyone else: OH NO!  
Annabeth: Block your ears! Luke can't handle Adele!  
Luke:  
There's a fire starting in my heart,  
reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark  
_*Cringe… Ears going to bleed*_  
Luke:  
The scars of your love they remind me of us  
They keep me thinking  
_*WOW. LUKE. WOW*_  
Grover:  
We could've had it all…  
_*cringe…scarred for life*_  
Grover:  
Rolling in the deep  
You had my heart inside your hand  
And you played it to the beat…  
_*OMGS. DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?*_  
Annabeth: Wow… where did you guys learn to do that?  
*Luke and Grover smiles*  
Luke and Grover: We didn't learn anything….  
Annabeth: Favour for Apollo?  
Luke: HEY! How did you know?  
*Annabeth just smiles*  
Luke: You'd better not tell anyone or else I'll tell the whole world that you had a secret crush on Phineas and Ferb when you were young…  
Thalia(after eavesdropping): Don't worry, I have a crush on Tintin…  
Annabeth: Yeah… But he's this cool journalist guy who's really nice… Phineas and Ferb are kids that have a triangle and rectangle for heads…  
Percy (trying to help his girlfriend): Well I think they're cool…


	29. Nico's Play Part 1

Me: Reporting for duty!  
Poseidon: What duty?  
Me: The duty of being an author sir!  
Percy: Did you sign up for military school?  
Me: NO… Like I would be into machine guns and hand grenades…yeah right  
Percy (crossing of hand grenades in the 'gifts for the author' list): DAMMIT…  
Me: A GIFT? FOR ME? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!  
Percy (muttering): You're right, I shouldn't have. Now I have to tell my suppliers to take back the batch of hand grenades I ordered...  
Me: You're kidding right? Anyways who would you order them from? Your buddy Alex Rider?  
Percy (disgusted): We do not talk about fictional characters from other books, especially nosy teenagers who should've died about a million times but due to sheer luck-  
Annabeth: Stop hating on Alex Rider! In Alex Rider fanfiction they might just start hating on PERCY JACKSON and his gang of half blood kids who have dyslexia and ADHD!  
Percy: You're not my mother!  
Annabeth: No, I'm not but I am your super smart girlfriend and unless you don't want to be kissed by another girl for 50 years, I suggest you stop this right now!  
Percy: Okay, okay…  
Me: How do you go through with that threat I wonder?  
Percy: Empty threats? Annabeth…that's just unbelievable!  
Annabeth (looking really evil): If it's a war you want… it's a war you shall have…  
Luke (strolling in casually): If you don't want me to tell everyone about your little crush I suggest you remain peaceful…  
*Annabeth pales*  
Me: PHEW… saved by Luke…  
Percy: What crush? Please tell me… PLEASE…  
Luke: Don't worry man… just a cartoon character.

* * *

Nico di Angelo squealed. This was the moment he had being waiting for...  
Percy looked over on his left and looked Nico in the eye, "Your turn mate," he said and smiled. Although Nico was no longer twelve, he still seemed somehow unloved and vulnerable.  
Nico jumped up and down. He started laughing in a very maniacal way and Apollo put a hand on his magically appearing first aid kit just in case.  
After awhile he calmed down, "Sorry… Just excited…"  
Athena wrinkled her nose, "Titans! It's just a present!"  
"I know!" cried Nico, "My very first present… EVER!"  
"Aww…" everyone sighed sympathetically and then turned their gazes onto Hades.  
"What?" shrugged Hades, "Not my fault!"  
"Here, have my _New Age (Funky)_ _Parenting Handbook_," said Hermes, "It helped me, and I think it'll help you." Hades raised an eyebrow. _I've been having kids way before you were even born_, he thought, _now I am the NEW parent?_  
Instead he just smirked.  
"Demigods aren't easy to raise after all," Hermes continued helpfully, "After they've grown up a bit, when they're teenagers, then this book really helps. When they start to blame you for EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HAPPENS…"

Hermes handed the book to Hades. Hades took the book cautiously and mused, "You know Hermes, you're full of handbooks…"  
"Hmm," agreed Hermes, "as a matter of fact I do…"  
"SHUSH," Athena…ugh shushed and said in a friendly voice, "It's your turn Nico."

Nico tore through his gold wrapping paper and in his excitement he received a little paper cut. Blood started to ooze.  
Apollo rushed to his side (could have been romantic if it were a girl) and started to wipe the blood off. Meanwhile Hades started to recite in falsetto, "Ohh, paper cut, HURR (heavy breathing), crash bang…"  
Zeus turns around, frowning at Hades, "What was that?"  
Hades ignores him and continues, " HURR, HURR (more heavy breathing). What happened with Jasper, that was nothing…"  
"Oh… "Thalia nods, "New Moon right?"  
Hades smiled, "Yeah, how did you know?"  
"I know you like vampires…"  
Zeus and Poseidon both did double-takes, "Vampires in love as well?"  
Hades looked like a cornered animal, "Bianca forced me okay?"  
Bianca glared at them all, "Hey!"  
But before she could continue, Athena stepped in, indicating that Nico should continuing opening his present.  
Everyone calmed down.  
Gently this time, Nico tore open the paper and gazed inside. Everyone held their breath, waiting to see what he had received.

Nico's eyes turned to the size of saucers and he started to smile (in fact he smiled for awhile). He held up the Metallica T-shirt and hugged it. He loved black…and Metallica (he kept playing it so loud in the Underworld that George Washington proposed a formal complaint) and he looked around the room for his secret Santa.  
After awhile Clarisse put her hand up and sighed, "Yes, OKAY. It was me." Silence followed that comment. Clarisse turned red and continued gruffly, "There's still one more present in the package…"

Just then, a lot of people said different things at the same time,  
Annabeth said, "Clarisse, I didn't know you could be so cool!"  
Hermes whispered, "Touche,"  
Hades smacked his lips sheepishly, "A Metallica T-shirt? Was that all he ever wanted? PSHH!"  
Ares just grunted.

Then Nico's eyes fell on the paper thin guitar lying on the floor in front of him. This was the real deal and he'd missed it…  
"Guitar Hero?" he asked incredulous  
"Yup," nodded Clarisse grimly, "It's got all the rock and heavy metal songs you like,"  
Nico's eyes shone and he ran over to Clarisse and pulled her into a hug, "You're the man," he cried.  
Ares' eyes widened in shock, nobody ever hugs Clarisse… except maybe that boy… Chris Rodriguez.  
Clarisse just hugged right back. Nico's cool enough and after all it is Christmas.

Athena, sitting next to Nico was about to open her own but then Aphrodite piped in, "Hey Nico, what about your play?"  
"Play?" asked Hades, "I could do with some drama!"  
Soon everyone except Nico and Bianca and Zeus were egging them on to perform. Nico turned a shade of green. He had totally forgotten about the play but as everyone seemed so hooked he had no choice but to try and make something up. After all it was his idea in the first place and he and Bianca are responsible Hades' kids who take responsibilities for their actions… RIGHT?

He sighed and stood up, "Bianca? Do you still have everything?"  
Bianca being a super organised ghost took out a large recyclable shopping bag and said, "All here."  
Zeus who loved _professional_, _organised_ and _sophisticated _entertainment frowned. These were not his kids. They seem utterly and hopelessly lost. It's going to suck.  
He stared at the ceiling and waited for it to be over.  
Hades seemed excited, "Poseidon, do the honours will you?"  
Poseidon seemed confused, "Er what honours?"  
Hades sighed, "THE STAGE of course!"  
Poseidon waved his hand. BAM. A Stage.  
Hades sighed again, "Props?" he questioned,  
Poseidon beckoned Nico over and whispered in his ear, "What props?"  
Nico whispered back and Poseidon waved his hand. BAM. POOF. Props.  
Hades leaned back, satisfied, then jumped up all of a sudden, "What about the popcorn?"  
Poseidon gave him the evils and blasted him in the face with sea water straight out of the Arctic Ocean. Hades made a face and turned to Kronos to make his plans into reality but before he could get anywhere, two kids stood on the stage in the spotlight. Hades aborted the plan and watched the show instead.

"_Hello!_" cried Bianca, "_I'm the narrator and I'm here to tell you the lovely story of sleeping beauty_," she was wearing a long ruby coloured dress.  
There were a few sighs from the audience.  
Ares rolled his eyes in sync with Zeus.  
"_Once up a time_-"started Bianca but before she got anywhere, Nico interrupted coming on in Chuck Talyors and skinny jeans, " _Once upon a time… They always start with that don't they_?"  
Bianca frowned, "_Who are you_?" she asked,  
"I," said Nico, "am Adam, the modern narrator, the better narrator,"  
"You," sneered Bianca, "are ruining MY story…"  
"Well," shrugged Nico, "continue then," and he mock-bowed,  
Bianca turned back to the stage. _Oh no, _she thought_, I really don't like impromptu… _But she continued anyway:_  
_"Once _upon a time in a far, far away land lived a beautiful queen and a kind and welcoming king who were loved by all in their kingdom…_" (This was actually from their original script)  
Nico (or should I say Adam) continued being pessimistic and downright annoying, "_Come on, in those ages everyone wanted to over throw the king_…" he criticised. (This was also on the original script. So much for not being prepared huh?)  
"_Can one talk?_" asked Bianca annoyed  
"_Yes, do go on,"_ replied Nico (opps, I mean Adam).

Luke suddenly popped onstage and walked across really slowly with the sign :  
**ACT 1, The palace  
**He was so slow that Zeus yelled impatiently, "Yes we can all read it!

* * *

Me: I nearly forgot the play... I wonder how many readers can still remember...  
Percy: Hmm probably all of them?  
Me: REALLY? THEY WOULD? So it's not that random after all?  
Percy: Nope.  
Me: Sad...  
Percy: Yeah well...  
Me: I thought you guys were my friends... My homies...  
Clarisse: Who's your 'Homies'?  
Me: You guys...  
*Awkward silence*  
Me: Okay... so everyone hates me now... GREAT...  
Annabeth: Aww don't dispair, I'm you're friend...  
Me: Why are we talking like we're in some high school soap opera that goes on for 10 years?  
Everyone else: Touche...  
Zeus: Let's talk in French!  
Aphrodite: Now we're talkin'. I love French!  
*Zeus and Aphrodite converse in French*  
*We look on in dispair*  
Me: Hey what does 'Merci' mean again?  
Apollo *looking up on Google translate; Thank you...  
Me: Oh...  
*Silence*  
Percy: What about Bonjour?  
*Everyone faints*


	30. Nico's play continues

Nico: I want pizza  
Me: NO YOU CAN'T. MOWHAHAHAHA  
Nico: Yeah, yeah. Like you can stop me…MOWHAHHAHHA!  
Me: I'm the author, I can do ANYTHING. I can make you jump off a cliff. Or even worse, prank call Obama… HAHAHAHHA  
Percy: MAYDAY, MAYDAY! The author has turned into an evil tyrant, dictator person. BACK UP NOW!  
Me: Percy, shut up.  
*Percy makes gagging noises*  
*The gagging noises continue for 5 minutes*  
Me: You can talk now  
Percy (glaring at me): NOT COOL. Why do you hate me so much?  
Me: Just showing you how much power I possess  
Annabeth: Who put you up to this? Kronos?  
Me: No…It's just that authors never really realise their full potential...You see they all just love their characters too much, take Alex Rider for example-  
Everyone else: STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT KID!  
Me: Just saying. If I were the author and I hated him, he could've died a nasty painful death  
Everyone else: When did you turn evil...  
Me: Me? Evil? Why, what would make you think that?  
Grover: Quick, it's every man for himself…  
Me: I'm just messing around with you guys… I love you guys too much…  
Thalia: What is this? Death threats then love letters?  
Me: Yup. Isn't it exciting? You should've seen your faces…ahh priceless  
*Everyone draws out swords, Apollo gets ready with his cosmic radiation eyes*  
Me: Everyone with swords are now frozen in ballerina poses. Apollo, you can't eat for 24 hours…  
*I take out pizza*  
*I munch on one slice*  
*Nico looks cross while doing the splits*  
*Apollo grabs a slice and tries to stuff it in his mouth*  
Apollo:IT DOESN'T WORK. I CAN'T PUT IT IN MY MOUTH  
Apollo: Why do you pick on me?  
Me: Because…you need to maintain your good looking-ness. You have a reputation to keep you know…

* * *

Luke stumbled down the stage stairs. The curtains opened and the scene was the interior of a grand palace. There were huge crystal chandeliers and all these gilded things that people can't exactly name and the two narrators came out looking sheepish. _Adam_ looked especially out of place in his modern, cool guy clothes.  
"Say," said Zeus speaking to Hades telepathically, "why is Nico called Adam and Bianca's just Bianca?"  
Hades shrugged and replied telepathically, "I don't know. Maybe he wants a code name… like something random. Bob's too overrated…"  
"Ah, I see," and with that they ended their no verbal conversation.

"There is no one here," said Bianca looking around and Nico raised one eyebrow,  
"You'd make a fine queen in your scarlet bathrobe," he said.  
Bianca looked beseechingly at the audience, "We need a king and queen."  
Aphrodite volunteered. She loved this family pantomime thing…  
"So you will be the queen?" asked Nico surprised,  
"Well, the show must go on right?" Aphrodite said calmly,  
"Yeah, I suppose so," Nico muttered.  
Bianca scanned the audience for another volunteer. Hermes raised Apollo's hand.  
"Too young…" commented Bianca, "I want someone that looks kind and is at least middle aged." She scanned the room and then smiled, "Zeus! How perfect!"

Zeus looked petrified and sank lower in his chair shaking his head while Poseidon, Hades and the rest of the gods either egged him on or tried to pull him up. Poseidon whispered threats. Hades mimed the threats. Ares glowered and grunted. Athena smiled and encouraged and Apollo tickled him.  
Finally, as Hades was miming breaking his master bolt with forced exaggeration and drama, he finally got up. Thunder rolled across the sky.  
"What," he muttered, "as he dragged his feet up the stairs, giving Apollo, Poseidon and Hades the look of loathing, "do I have to do?"  
"Well," replied Bianca, "You have to wear this robe and this crown…"  
Zeus eyed the costume and then said, "At least it's not ugly…"  
He did the 360 degree super fast change and the sat on the throne shooting everyone daggers.  
Aphrodite joined him in a golden silk gauze gown looking strange very, very beautiful.  
Nico pushed a pram swathed in pink silk and rosebuds with this exaggerated smile on his face and said, "_Behold, the king and queen's daughter. Aurora!" _  
There were the sounds of trumpets and Aphrodite smiled benevolently, nodding at invisible courtiers and subjects. Zeus smiled less enthusiastically; he looked as if he had Botox injected on one side of his face.  
Poseidon and Hades cheered, "Long live the king!"

Bianca stepped forward again, "_To celebrate the birth of their daughter, the king and queen held a banquet and invited all the good fairies in the land. They were to dine using only golden plates and cutlery!"  
"I wonder what the bill was?"_ commented Nico._  
_  
A table popped up with paper cut outs of roast chicken, pudding, green jelly with purple cream and stacks of yummy looking things (they were paper cut outs mainly to prevent Apollo from nicking them).  
The trumpets sounded again and through the wings entered three girls dressed as fairies. Bianca, Artemis and Thalia.  
Thalia looked horrified at her dress. Nico looked horrified at Bianca, how did she manage to persuade all these people?  
The three fairies knelt by the pram and each proclaimed a blessing while Nico added in some commentary…  
"_I give you the gift of beauty_," said Artemis touching the pram with her silver wand,  
(_Look here fairy, with any luck you're just making the pink pram a bit more glam. You're supposed to help the princess!)_  
_"I give you the gift of compassion… May you be kind and caring and gracious,_" said Bianca waving her hand over the pram, (_Come on! Give her something really cool like super powers or something. She'll love you for it!_)

Suddenly the smoke machine went haywire. An unknown lady burst onto stage.  
Grover's hooves stared going BONG BONG BONG.  
Bianca pulled a face, "Who's this?" (She actually didn't know this person).  
Aprodite winked and mouthed, "Circe, she's playing the evil witch!"  
Bianca shrugged helplessly and pretended to know what was going on. Nico did the same.

"_Well, well, well. You guys just forgot to invite me eh?" _growled Circe, her long black hair was braided and shining and it matched her long black, Greek tunic. In her hand she held a long, cold, silver staff that seemed to radiate power.  
"_Well_," she mused smiling half a smile, "_I have a gift to give as well._" At that point Zeus glanced at Aphordite quite alarmed, "Is this dangerous?" he whispered,  
Aphordite ignored him and continued to whimper (you must never break character) but she gave him a wink. Zeus looked less alarmed but he still looked like a cornered animal (everyone else thought he was acting).  
Circe looked truly evil, with her brown eyes blazing and as she began to speak a cold wind whistled through the Poseidon cabin making actors and audiences alike, shiver,  
"_Your daughter, so beautiful and fair_," she whispered, "_let_ _her never marry and be an heir for on her 16__th__ birthday she will prick, her finger on a spinning wheel and she will die_."  
Even though the last bit of the curse didn't rhyme nobody laughed. Circe's eyes were glowing and Zeus fingered his robe sleeve nervously. Apollo clung to Hermes and Hermes clung to Apollo.  
The smoke machine went haywire again and then Circe disappeared. The room was silent. This was turning out to be a 5 -star drama and Hades was pleased. Good on his kids.

The queen began to weep. Zeus, feeling a bit in character now, patted her back awkwardly and yelled, "NO!"  
Bianca started narrating again, "_The king and queen were distraught but luckily one fairy hasn't granted a gift yet!_"  
Nico smirked.  
"_Do not worry, my king_," said Thalia solemnly, "_I still haven't granted her a gift and although I cannot reverse the Evil One's curse, I can alter it. Let her sleep for one hundred years instead!_"

The curtains closed and then was followed by Luke dressed in a dress skipping through a meadow in a princess dress and holding up a card saying: THE _PRINCESS GREW UP TO BE BEAUTIFUL AND KIND. LOVED BY ALL IN THEIR KINGDOM. _

_**ACT II- The Tower**_

Luke was wearing a dress. He had on lipstick too, it felt weird and oily but it tasted yummy like orange Fanta. He looked down at his dress and grimaced. It wasn't just a dress, it was a princess dress with big balloon sleeves like the girl in _Enchanted _and worst of all it was bulky and glittery and PINK. This has to be Aphordite's doing.  
_Okay_, he thought, _I'm playing the princess Aurora. YIPEE_. And he was right.  
Somehow he had to go on stage (Aphrodite in league with Circe) and he didn't want to try and stop them. Circe is one scary person you don't wanna mess with.  
As he stood under the spotlight he saw his friends laughing at him. He saw Apollo on the floor laughing at him. He saw Zeus (having finished his role) laughing at him.

He turned to see Circe sitting at the spinning wheel and he said automatically, "WOW. A SPINNING WHEEL? I LOVE SPINNING WHEELS!"  
He approached and skewered his fingers on the needle.  
"Ahh," cried Luke in this monotone voice, "I just skewered my finger. Now why did I do that?"  
Crimson blood dripped onto the floor. He raised one hand to his forehead dramatically and fluttered his eyelids, "Oh dear, why on earth do I feel so…so tired?"  
Circe smiled evilly.  
Luke took no notice and panted, "I think I'm going to faint…"  
He stumbled a bit and then fell to the ground in a heap of glittering pink-unconscious. Circe gloated and danced around Luke (who was on the ground paralysed) and then swept out the door. Apollo continued to stuff popcorn in his mouth without taking his eyes off the stage.  
The lights went haywire. They flashed on and off ominously and when they finally returned to normal Artemis leaped onto stage and dragged Luke-pink dress and all, and threw him onto a bed.  
Artemis walked across with a time card- _100 years later…_

Apollo ran on stage wearing a Greek tunic. "I'm a prince!"  
Bianca eyed him distastefully and pursed her lips, "At least take this crown…" she muttered while continuing with the story...  
"_One hundred years later, a prince form a far away country went abroad to seek his true love_."  
"WOW." commented Nico, 'Real original stuff."  
"_He came upon a desolate castle in the woods and decided to spend the night there because there seemed to be a thunder storm coming_."  
"Real smart guy," piped in Nico  
"_And as he climbed upstairs he found a maiden sleeping_."  
Apollo mimed climbing stairs his mouth formed a perfect 'O'.  
"And one look," continued Bianca, pausing for effect,  
"Killed him?" asked Nico, "Made so him scarred for life that he had to sleep with a teddy forevermore?"  
"_NO_!" frowned Bianca, "_One look told him it was his true love._"  
Apollo leaned down with this dreamy smile and kissed Luke on the lips (If he could, Luke would've yelled in disgust).  
The 'princess' sat up and smiled, _"You are the one I've being searching for all my life. You have broken the spell!_"and with that the whole castle woke as well.  
Nico strolled into the middle, "HANG ON A MINUTE! The princess is like over a hundred years old and is a MAN and nobody even cares?"  
"No said," Apollo dreamily, "She's beautiful…"  
"UGH," said Nico jumping off the stage, "I quit, this is the most terrible play ever!"  
Luke and Apollo danced.  
Artemis walked across with a card: **And they lived happily ever after (or at least happily till the prince found out his bride is a man). THE END.  
**Streamers began to fly and confetti flew everywhere.  
"This is the most crap play I've ever seen…" commented Poseidon,  
"Aww, don't be such a wet blanket," said Zeus, "This was absolutely first class!"  
"Nope," muttered Poseidon, "It was crap."

* * *

Me: Ah, sorry Luke…  
Luke: You better be… I was enchanted by Circe to play a princess and got kissed by Apollo who was also enchanted…I HATE YOU AND CIRCE. I want my lawyer!  
Apollo: I wasn't enchanted. I volunteered!  
*Luke pales*  
Percy: OMGS  
Annabeth: OMGS  
Poseidon: OMTS  
Kronos: Oh my Gaia and Ouranos  
Apollo: What… Someone had to be there for comic relief…  
Hermes: OMT Apollo. OMT  
Apollo: WHAT? It's just a role. I kissed the princess, so what?  
Poseidon: It's not the kiss, it's just that we all can't believe that you-ahem, the prince is stupid enough to kiss a man.  
*Apollo looks sad and hurt*  
Me: Aww…have a cookie…Apollo  
*Apollo takes the cookie and feels much better*


	31. Carol singers crash the party

Me: Hola! I'm back...  
Everyone else: Hey, we thought you weren't coming back…  
Me: I can't, I swore on the River Styx. That kinda forced me to come back  
*Everyone looks at me with disgust*  
Me: Sorry, but finishing off stories is real hard. Starting is easy… It's like a marriage…  
*Clarisse runs off to puke*  
Me (continuing as though this is perfectly unawkward…): When you get married, it seems really cool, with the whole wedding ceremony and the food-  
Apollo: THE FOOD!  
Me: Yes, yes. Anyways, it seems all lovey, dovey at first, then come the fights and before you know it… DIVORCE.  
Annabeth: OKAY…  
Percy: So what you're saying is that writing stories seem fun at first but then you kind of give up because of the adversities? Because of some trouble? You're giving up all the good times because of the bad? That's just…  
Bianca: OKAY… You guys should all just become marriage counsellors or something…  
Me: Nah…see, I'm already a writer. Working two job's just too stressful. Seriously.  
*Everyone rolls their eyes*  
Me: Do you know how much work I receive?  
Annabeth: No…don't you just come and hang with us for the Christmas Holidays that's lasting more than a year?  
Me: No…How can I explain this?  
Percy: It's like a marriage…  
Me: NO! Do you guys know this guy?  
Everyone else: What guy?  
Me: This guy called Rick  
Percy: Maybe…I think I've got him on Facebook…  
Me: REALLY? That's cool!  
Annabeth: We're demigods, we don't have Facebook…  
Percy: Touché!  
Me: Anyways, you guys are all really good friends with Rick, and basically he sees you every day while I only see you when I'm bothered.  
Annabeth: Author!  
Me: Sorry, kidding! Anyways, he hangs out with you a lot whereas I only see you about once a month  
or so. Anyways, I heard from Rick that you have this brother Thalia and that Percy your life's still pretty…  
Rick: Too much information…  
Me: I was going to say, pretty good!  
Percy: SURE.  
Me: Anyways…Shall we open more presents before you get skewered by Gaia?  
Everyone else: WHAT?

* * *

After the play had finished and everyone had gathered into a circle again, Athena took the lead again and beckoned that they should continue opening their presents.  
"Where were we again?" asked Zeus utterly confused.  
"Hmm, let me check," said Hermes producing a stylish green tablet with a leaf emblem on the back, "Right…Google. …sorry _net_. Search_. A demigod Christmas._ Click, choose chapter…What was it again? Oh yeah… _Nico's play part 1_ right?"  
Nico nodded.  
"Cool. Cool togas...Blah blah blah…Aha! Athena, I believe it's your turn!"  
"Wait a second!" cried Zeus, "What's Cool togas?"  
"Cool togas, cool bananas… Same thing…"  
"Right…" and he produced another fancy tablet this time backed in titanium with this lightening emblem on the back. "Gotta keep my entire teenage vocab in one place you know!"  
Everyone rolled their eyes.  
"Anyways," said Hermes, "It's your turn Athena!"  
Athena smiled gleefully. She shook it and raised an eyebrow.  
Zeus grimaced, _why did nobody in this family take after him? They all resemble his upstart brother Poseidon. Presents, they're not prophecies._  
Zeus started to read the blurb of his _Clash of the Titans_ movie for the second time.  
Finally Athena opened her present. She smoothed out the wrapping paper and gazed at it affectionately. She folded it in quarters and pocketed it much to the annoyance of Zeus who had just thrown his in the recycling bin. Olympus is going green mortals!

On her lap lay the cutest pair of hiking socks. Purple and silver stripped with a cute little owl at the opening of each sock. Whoever was her secret Santa must've been real thoughtful. Everyone leaned in a little too close for comfort and all sighed. Athena picked them up out of the tissue paper and smiled. Then she laid them aside gingerly, much to the annoyance of Zeus, and moved on to her next present.  
Again everyone sighed. Whoever got this had to be a sweetheart. It was very, Ares agreed, very charming indeed.

The next present was a delicate butterfly key chain, the wings tipped with silver and filled with a light blue shinning enamel. Every time the butterfly swung on the slightest breeze, it would make a musical tinkling sound.  
"Aww…" cried Aphrodite, "It seems what Iris would give…but since she's not here…"  
"Who is the secret Santa?" cried Ares, "They did a fantastic job!"  
Athena wiped away a tear, "It's funny how the simplest gifts mean the most…"  
Zeus started coughing.  
Apollo grabbed his first aid kit and ran to his dad's rescue.  
"No need, no need…we don't need a paramedic…" Zeus managed between coughs as he zapped up a glass of water, "I'm fine now!" and he took a sip.  
Athena yelped in delight again almost causing Zeus to go into a seizure. Water tumbled down onto his priceless pinstripe suit. HIS SUIT.  
"OMT. That is so sweet! I love mint and raspberry truffles! How did they know? Secret Santa, I'm touched!" Athena was grinning. There was a warm and fuzzy feeling.  
Zeus was not feeling it. It was only a matter of time before she got to… THE CARD.

The snow bear was smiling sweetly from the Christmas card, Athena sighed and opened it up and read aloud, "_My dearest daughter Athena…_"_  
_At this point everyone's mouth dropped to the floor. "ZEUS?" Ares spluttered, "You're the 'sweetheart'? Oh. My. Titans."  
Zeus tried to hide behind Hades. Hades glared at Zeus and pulled him back. Ares continued to splutter and Apollo was too busy gaping to rush to his rescue.  
Zeus was indignant, "What? I'm a good gift shopper SO?"  
Athena continued reading, "_Merry Christmas and happy new year. I really didn't know what to give you… luckily I had some help from this kid that thought I was Santa (LONG STORY). I know that most people would give you books because you're smart but I also know how much you love those mint and raspberry truffles I can't stand! You're loving father, Zeus._"  
There was silence when Athena finished… BUT it didn't last. It wasn't long till Apollo shouted out immaturely, "AWW! HOW SWEET!" making Zeus even more embarrassed. _Zeus, the lord of the skies, king of the Olympians, perceived to be a gentle teddy bear? That just ruined his image. Now Titans and baddies will probably turn up and demand eggnog and sing Christmas Carols at the door instead of loitering in Tartarus where they belong.  
_

_DING DONG._ The door bell rang and everyone looked at each other trying to figure out if it was too dangerous to open the door.  
Nico shrugged and headed towards the door to see who it was, "NOOO!" cried Apollo, "Come back! Don't die!"  
Nico just rolled his eyes… _yeah right, dangerous monsters at camp on Christmas Eve… It was probably just Chiron with the Christmas Pudding…  
_He opened the door causally, "Hello- ARGH! GODS SAVE ME!"  
An empusa was standing there in a Santa hat and a short red dress. It just looked bad with her donkey leg. Nico couldn't help staring. Behind her was an assortment of ugly monsters and baddies: giants, evil kings, gorgons and a relatively cute basilisk hissing at the front. They held up carol books and grinned in what they hoped was a nice and friendly manner but in reality, they looked as if half their faces were frozen by Botox or something.  
"It's okay little boy!" the empusa crooned, "Where here to raise money for homeless kids…"  
"UGH…" Nico stammered  
"Oh don't worry…we won't hurt cute little kids like you… JUST GIVE US A DRACHMA!"  
"UGH…"  
"Oh dear! I do hope you're not slow or anything… Why don't you call your family out and we can all sing together for a GOOD CAUSE!"

Nico turned stiffly back to see expectant faces looking up at him, "Why don't you guys come out! It's a nice group of Carol singers!"  
Everyone got up slowly and dragged themselves to the door.  
The empusa smiled at Apollo and battered her eyelashes. Hermes scowled. Zeus looked a little pale and kept frowning like he was real unhappy.

"Right what shall we sing?" asked King Minos cheerfully from the back, "Deck the halls?"  
The occupants of the Poseidon cabin all groaned...well everyone except Apollo and Hermes. They jumped up excitedly with goofy grins plastered on their faces.  
"ONE, TWO, THREE!" the empusa started waving a baton, "_Deck the halls with boughs of holly…falalalalalalala…"  
_Everyone in the cabin except Apollo and Hermes looked sour and just hummed along. Hermers and Apollo went into falsetto. _Falalalallalala_  
Minos bellowed from the back, "Together now!"  
"_Tis the season to be jolly…falalalalala  
Don our gay, our gay apparel…falalalalalalala, Troll the ancient Yuletide Carol…falalalalalala!"  
_

Grover made the mistake of yawning.  
The music stopped abruptly.  
"Where?" cried a Hellhound, "Is the Christmas spirit?"  
"Yeah!" demanded King Midas with his arms carefully draped across Minos' shoulder,  
"This is for a good cause you know?" commented Medusa and within a second the very nice carollers had daggers and swords drawn and pointed it at the Cabin occupants. The Laistrygonian giants hefted some flaming cannonballs. King Midas wriggled his fingers evilly and Medusa motioned taking her sunglasses off.

Apollo stepped back... "WOHA! Take it easy!"  
Hermes produced another handbook, "You guys should read this!"  
The carollers looked a little demented. It seriously freaked Kronos out. _Was this really his minions from a few month ago?_  
"Lulu?" he cried, "Is that you?"  
The emposa looked up... "Oh my gods! It's you Kronos! Long time no see! How are we tonight?"  
Kronos and Lulu started up a conversation and they talked animatedly promising to call soon and meet for coffee.  
Minos cleared his throat form the back, "AHEM. I think we should sing another song… Everyone is required to sing along!"  
"But…" stammered Grover,  
"NO BUTS!" roared Minos and then he took a deep breath, "Right! I think I know what the problem is… You guys don't know the lyrics… No problem," and with a wave of his hand everyone had a carol book in their hands…  
"Now," cried Minos gleefully, "What shall we sing? The first Noel is always a favourite-"  
"Too hard!"  
"What about Oh Christmas Tree? Nice and simple!"  
"Too simple,"  
"Fine. 12 Days of Christmas it is and I hope you guys can count because mumblers will be PERSECUTED-er I mean skewered by my wicked looking sword."  
Everyone looked a little uncomfortable but when the music started everyone at least made an effort.

"_On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me... a partridge in a pear tree…_"  
So on it went till the twelfth day of Christmas- "_On...twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me twelve drummers drumming...eleven-_"  
and they had to repeat every single thing again and again and if it wasn't for the encouragements, i.e. the knife under the chin…they would never have finished.

Everyone gave a drachma and Minos looked pleased, "Thank you so much…Now wasn't that fun?"  
Everyone nodded listlessly and crept back inside and crashed on the sofas. It had been a long night.

Suddenly a cry tore through the night air, "WHERE'S OUR EGGNOG?"

* * *

Me: I'm so tired. I hate that whole on the second day of Christmas by true love gave to me…two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree thing…  
Percy: ME TOO…  
Me: I'm so tired. Let's just hit the hay…  
Annabeth: Agreed. Yawn...


	32. Poseidon needs a hug

Me: Hallo, Leute! Herzlich willkommen!  
Percy: What the Hades?  
Hades: Hey! Stop using my name as a swear word!  
Annabeth: It's German duh!  
Apollo: What did you just say?  
Me: Was? Ich sprache nicht Englisch!  
Hermes (translating fluently): She said, "Hello guys, welcome!"(a warm welcome etc etc) and then she just answered, "What? I don't speak English!"  
Percy (in a French accent): OH REALLY!  
Apollo: How did you do that?  
Hermes: I've been to places…been there, done that...unlike some people who just sit back on their lazy butts all day eating fried chicken!  
Apollo: HEY! I get up at 5 am every morning because I have to pull up a sun…unlike some people who just laze around delivering messages…  
Percy: Cut it you two!  
Aphrodite: Je parle le français haha (I speak french haha)  
Hermes : Moi aussi ! (Me too)  
*Hermes and Aphrodite converse animatedly in French*  
* The other gods start a Greek conversation about itchy togas*  
*The demigods begin to feel ignored*  
*Percy frowns*  
*Gets out i pad*  
*types in some stuff*  
Percy : jövök békében. Vigyél el a vezető!  
Annabeth (really fake and trying to get attention): WOW PERCY WHAT DID YOU SAY?  
Percy (giggling girlishly and saying an extra loud voice): IT'S HUNGARIAN... *Smile, smile, smile*  
All other demigods: WOW HUNGARIAN...  
*Everyone falls over due to pure awesomeness*  
Hermes: REALLY PERCY! That's wonderful, you speak Hungarian?  
*Hermes starts to blab on in really fast, really fluent Hungarian*  
Percy: Ugh... jövök békében. Vigyél el a vezető? (I come in peace. Take me to your leader)  
*Hermes starts cracking up*  
Percy: Dammit Google Translate...

* * *

After a very long nap but not actually consuming any time, they all woke up due to Krono's magic time powers.  
"Wow, what a long day!" cried Poseidon, "I it feels like it has already been a millennia…."  
Hades nodded his approval. "So much happened today, I could eat a horse and I think I really need to have some of Daedalus' cookies…  
"Really? Daedalus bakes cookies?" asked Poseidon, amused…  
"Yeah…Didn't you know? We had this bake off thing last Saturday…" he paused then hollered, "Kronos! I think you should join us in a baking competition!"  
Kronos walks in from the kitchen smiling, "A cocktail anyone? I think some light refreshment now would hit the spot…"  
Nico was just about the raise his hand when Hades scowled and swatted it down, "NO alcoholic drinks till your 30!"  
Nico scowled and muttered, "I could be having strawberry vodka on Cherrios for breakfast and you would've probably thought it was just flavoured milk…"  
Hades glowered at his son, "I heard that boy! You better not be or you're grounded until you die…"  
An awkward silence filled the room…  
Somebody chirped, "Awkward…"  
Then everyone got back to their own conversations like nothing happened. The atmosphere in the cabin was toasty again, snippets of conversation could be heard, for example…

"As I was saying, it was me, George, Abe, Daedalus and a few other guys…You should come dad…"

AND  
"I love you Ares… But I think we should both have mortal flings again…"  
"NO."  
"There is this really hot guy from Minnesota. He is so cute!"  
"Hmph…at least it's not an LA hunk…"

AND  
"You guys should go out…"  
"We are…"  
"Oh…"

AND  
"I think the toilets at Camp half-blood should be up graded."  
"Yeah, they stink like HADES-"  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"  
"Ugh…like hell…like Tartarus…like…like poo because by gods sir, you do not smell like public toilets…"

AND  
"Oh boy, I'm hungry...I could do with a Zinger Burger, two large fries, a large coke…um 2 sundaes, a hot apple pie and 4 pieces of chicken breast with gravy please…"  
A pause, then a voice out of you-know-who's phone, "Ugh is that all for you sir?"

Finally conversation whittled down and the happy campers actually started to open some more presents (finally! By this rate they might be done in the next century or so).

"Hades! You look so grim! How about you open your present…" crooned Poseidon encouragingly.  
"Hmm," mused Hades, "Old barnacle beard must be up to something… I mean getting me to open that present was just so SUBTLE EH?"  
Poseidon just ignored him.  
Hades continued, a crimson flush in his cheeks, his eyes dancing brightly, "No wonder Medusa got turned into a gorgon. You are just so subtle and tactful eh brother? EH? EH? EH?"  
"Just shut up and open your present dad! You are so embarrassing!" hissed Nico, exasperated.  
Hades glared at everybody in turn like he predicted they were going to prank him or something while he fingered his present as if searching for booby traps.  
"For Titan's sake Hades!" yelled Zeus, teeth clenched and eyes wide open, "JUST HURRY UP AND GET ON WITH IT. WE'RE NOT GOING TO BLOW YOU UP WITH LANDMINES SO COME ON!"

Thunder rolled somewhere in the distance. The lights began to flicker ominously then went out.  
"ARGH! The Poseidon cabin's haunted! Argh!" yelled Apollo and with that he jumped up into Ares' arms, bridal style.

Ares glared at him, his molten lava eyes casting an eerie redish glow in the gloom. Apollo gulped then went silent. He had fainted.  
Ares smirked and pulled out a marker pen. He started to draw nerdy glasses and a moustache onto Apollo's face, "Weakling," he muttered.

Everyone else glared at Zeus. Zeus looked a little sheepish and then clapped his hands, the electricity came back on again… He shrugged his shoulders and addressed Dionysus, "You know son, you should really get your electrical circuits checked out…they're pretty faulty…"  
Everyone rolled their eyes, "Zeus…"  
Zeus put his hands up in defeat, "Hades, hurry up and open your present man…"

As the wrapping paper fell, Hades could be seen staring at the tennis racket on his lap. Poseidon looked as if was going to have an anxiety attack. Hades laughed, "Like every other racket I have at home…"  
"Shhh! Athena scolded, "It's the thought that counts…"  
Hades just stared at his tennis racket wordlessly...

Ares, tired of waiting forever (honestly this is getting ridiculous) ripped open his own package, "Hmm…novelty sunglasses, I like it…" he slipped them on, a pair of dolphins blocking out nuclear explosions. He wondered how long it would take for people to notice. He hoped he didn't look 'nice' now. He had a reputation to keep.

"So..." Nico said, "Who's the secret santa?"  
"Me," croaked Poseidon looking hurt, "It was me alright but my present is way better than it looks…"  
Hades just sat there being wordless…  
"It's a multifunctional tennis racket…Prince tennis racket. $59.95. White with black swirls. Roger Federer society approved-"  
"Wait, there's a Roger Federer society?" asked Percy perplexed  
"Yeah! Totally!" answered Poseidon, "Haven't you heard? They're a society for the gullible tennis players!'  
"Oh…" nodded Percy, "Right…"  
Annabeth punched him on the arm. Hard.  
"With 45 different usages…" continued Poseidon.  
Hades grinned, "I KNEW IT!" he punched the air with his fist. "Poseidon you really are subtle…"  
"What the HADES?" spluttered Poseidon,  
"Oh I know the things you've added to this… Let's see," he started counting on his fingers, " Swiss army knife, MP3-should've been ipod, digital timer-for when I bake a cake, tiny umbrella and fan, score flippy book thing, CCTV surveillance system and cheering effects with button…" Hades finished looking impressed with himself and then he added, "But that's hardly 45 at all…"

Poseidon looked at Hades with exasperation and then pressed all the buttons listlessly, "Merry Christmas big bro…" and he sighed such a heart breaking sigh that even Ares could feel his heart cracking like ice.

The gleeful expression melted off Hades' face, he gazed up at Poseidon's face, sorrow written plainly across his timeless features.  
"I love it!" he squeaked hopefully but Poseidon just glanced at him and sighed. Those thousand eon eyes, those sea green eyes looked all of a sudden forlorn and they wouldn't meet his anymore.

This time another awkward silence, once again produced by Hades, washed over the cosy little cabin nestled in the snow.  
The lights on the Christmas tree flickered silently. The logs in the hearth crackled sending bright sparks shooting into the air. This time the silence was indeed great, it covered them like a wet blanket dampening their spirits.

Annabeth took a deep breath and started opening her present. Maybe it'll help to relieve the tension…  
The tissue paper crunched and crinkled under her hand. She undid the ribbon of bright cheerful scarlet and opened up her present. On her lap was _The Big Book of Christmas Know How_, everything from baking cookies to making snow angels and paper decorations, avoiding delayed flights and how to survive in an avalanche.

Annabeth flicked through the book smiling to herself. It was a book and she loved books but what was more, it was so Grover.  
She picked up the card. There was a picture of a deer in the woods wearing a Santa hat and doing the can can. It said, "Can you do the can can while eating a tin can?"  
Annabeth smiled and hugged Grover, "Aww goat man…" she murmured patting his thin back. Grover smiled too, but sadly. It was pretty melancholy.  
Annabeth hopped up and did something that would've been terrifying if it wasn't Christmas. Percy watched on, horrified.  
She walked up to where Poseidon was sitting, in his arm chair, downing the whisky and gave him a great big hug.

* * *

Me: I feel my story is rushed. But I need to update!  
Percy: I'm sorry…  
Me: Why?  
Percy: Ugh…I dunno…  
Me: Sigh… I'm sorry guys but I feel as if I should just cut to the chase more…opening presents is boring…  
Annabeth: I hugged Poseidon… OMGS  
Poseidon: Oh… everyone needs a hug at times  
Annabeth: I could have been incinerated… AUTHOR HOW COULD YOU?  
Me: There was absolutely no danger. Do you like your present?  
Annabeth: Christmas know how is so overrated  
Grover (looking hurt): Dammit, should've brought you tin cans  
Me: I'm the author, I take full responsibility for bad presents…  
Hermes: Can we play truth or dare?  
Everyone else: Yeah okay…  
Me: PHEW! NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT MY SLOPINESS!  
*Hermes spins the bottle*  
*It points to Percy*  
Hermes: Who do you think is the sloppiest person here? (Percy chose truth)  
Percy: Hmm...You Hermes, you are.  
Me: NO WAY  
Hermes: Would you like to justify that?  
Percy: Nope…  
*Hermes clears his throat*  
Hermes: Okay…  
*The bottle points to Apollo*  
Percy: Apollo truth or dare?  
Apollo: I am a true Greek MAN.  
Hermes: Ahem CHILD  
Apollo: MAN  
Hermes: Fine, MAN CHILD  
Apollo (ignoring Hermes): So I choose DARE…  
Percy (gleefully): Open the door and run outside. Run to the first person and say, "I love you so much!"  
*Everyone cheered*  
*Apollo opened the door*  
*It was Mr D*  
*Apollo grabbed Mr D's shoulders and sobbed. "I…I…"  
"Yes boy?" asked Mr D, frowning…  
"I…I… think…I"  
"YES?" yelled Mr D, "What is it?"  
"I think… I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" and with that Mr D ran screaming into the night and was never again seen at Camp Half-Blood.*


	33. Soppy Goodwill Stuff

Me: Let's be honest…I have nothing to write about  
Percy: …  
Me: I am so bored. It's like CAMP HALF BLOOD- THE CAMP OF THE UNENDING CHRISTMAS  
Annabeth: Don't say that! Don't confess that your story is bad! EVEN if it is crap you have to say it's good.  
Me: WHY?  
Annabeth: Just don't write it okay? Delete it.  
Me: Too late. Anyways, since we do nothing here at Camp Half Blood-  
Chiron: HEY!  
Mr D: How dare you insult this good for nothing, brat centre?  
Me: I've brought a friend!  
Tyson: YAY! FRIEND!  
Me: Yes, yes, a friend…  
*Beethoven's dramatic music starts*  
*DUN DUN DUN DUN*  
Me: Enter, my good friend Alex Rider!  
Percy (nearly choking): OMGS  
Annabeth: It's him…  
Mr D: He's not a half blood…  
*Percy and Alex meet each other's eyes*  
*The brown and green eyes fuse*  
*Percy draws out Riptide*  
*Alex...ugh prepares to improvise*  
Percy: I hate upstarts  
Alex: How did I get here?

More on this later

* * *

So, it was another boring Christmas night at Camp Half-Blood-oh wait, it was the SAME Christmas night as the one two years ago. WOW. Kronos what have you been up to?  
Anyways the demigods and their godly parents were still in the process of opening presents. The laughter had whittled down, Poseidon was suffering from a broken heart and Hades was still feeling awkward.

It had felt like a millennium since they last visited the mall to buy their presents and most had already forgotten about Secret Santa. Ah screw it. It was probably way past everyone's bedtime anyway yet Kronos was in the kitchen again cooking up a little after dinner snack.

What time was it anyways? It must have been way after 12 already… Yawn. The watery winter sun will be coming up anytime now..Anytime now...The sky is definitely getting lighter…I swear the stars are fading outside…But no, as the cute puffer fish clock struck seven 'o' clock in the Poseidon cabin, Hermes and Apollo slouched off to play yet another round of: Kiss, Kill or Marry-

***Small print:** _For those of you who do not know the incredibly confusing rules of this mindless game, it would help if you would read the following rules:_  
_The OFFICAL GUIDE TO KISS KILL AND MARRY!_  
_Yay! Here you are, bored out of your mind. Perhaps you are sitting in math class gazing up at your nerd of a teacher and thinking…what's in it for me?_  
_Or perhaps you are gazing at your nerd of a teacher, PRETENDING to listen to his little speech about logarithms and parabolas and thinking- Hey (insert name of your crush), you are so (appropriate describing word)…I want to take you to the prom please…_  
_Anyways whatever the reason, here at Kiss, Kill and Marry we are ever so delighted to meet you and we are deeply honoured that you would play our game in your hour of darkness. Thank you and have a nice day._

_Rules:_  
_Choose someone in the class/room/ballroom/bathroom/oval office/Poseidon cabin that you want to:_  
_KISS- yes actually press your lovely/crinkly/luscious/scratchy? Lips to theirs…choose wisely, you do not want to contract some nasty disease and end up on life support do you?_  
_KILL- yes actually, get a gun/knife/or other life threatening device and yeah… BECAREFUL! You could get sentenced to life in prison!_  
_MARRY- And now comes the joyous occasion, you get to choose someone you get to marry. YAY! Isn't that wonderful?_  
_Warning: Choosing wrongly may result in domestic violence, a poor relationship and unending sadness-we recommend a divorce._

"So Hermes… Kiss Kill and Marry!" Apollo whispered slyly,  
"Hmm," mused Hermes, "Kiss… I would kiss…YOU!"  
Apollo rolled his beautiful blue eyes, "Sorry mate, I know I'm hot but I'm too hot for you…"  
Hermes frowned, "This is sooooo LAME. WHY DO WE PLAY THIS GAME?"  
Apollo carried on, deaf to Hermes' complaints, "Kill?"-

Due to extreme mindlessness and the lack of WOW factor in this game we should check on some other people who might be doing some more interesting things...

Poseidon was thinking aloud, "Why? Why?"  
He continues to smoke the pipe. The tobacco smoke curled into the air, creating air pollution- REMEMBER KIDS- TELL YOUR PARENTS TO SMOKE OUTSIDE!

Percy and Annabeth were outside making a snowman. The evening sky was a rich deep blue colour with beautiful stars gleaming coldly in the heavens.  
The snow came down in wonderful swirls and the world was blanketed in downy flake.  
Percy stared lovingly into Annabeth's eyes- cue the romantic music. Giggles and laughter could be heard resounding through camp half-blood.  
Suddenly a voice could be heard coming from the Big House, "WHAT ARE YOU BRATS SO HAPPY ABOUT?" It was their local Ebenezer Scrooge.

Zeus was on his laptop watching Clash of the Titans. Even the lord of the skies need to have some antisocial time.

Hades was stealing quick glances at Poseidon by the window- Grey fishermen's sweater, captain's hat... I wonder if he will ever forgive me?

Aphrodite was making sure that there would be love and heart break tonight in the world.

Nico was sitting with a stranger talking about neglect and pain and suffering- Typical things to talk about on Christmas.  
The stranger had blond hair and was extremely lucky, he also had no family and was at odds with the government. He would not be making regular appearances.

Nico was the only one to notice him. He was also the only one to notice the heap of unopened presents in the middle of the room. Time was a luxury when you've got the lord of time on your side, even if it is just for the holidays.  
Nico felt sorry for this poor boy of 15. He told of such danger and sadness. He no longer wanted to be a spy for the government; he no longer wanted to belong in that world. Yassen and Uncle Ian both died there. He would not do the same, so he turned 15.  
Nico felt sorry for this boy- in many ways he reminded him of himself and so he offered to make him a cup of coffee and grab him a tart. The tart was made of pastry and egg, there was cinnamon on top. Uncle Ian would have made him do 5 laps around the field afterwards.  
And so they left their presents for later. Christmas was really beginning.

THE END

I'm kidding. Seriously, I'm kidding.  
Thought I was going to end there on a soppy note? Christmas, if it isn't in your heart, you won't find it under a tree etc etc. It's the thought that counts…  
NO. THIS IS PERCY JACKSON WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.  
WE ARE GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT EVERYONE GOT. WHAT KIND OF AUTHOR WOULD I BE IF I JUST HASTILY ADD A SOPPY GOODWILL ENDING AND THEN DEPART?  
ANYWAYS, JUST ASKING…WHAT KIND OF AUTHOR AM I?  
_A crazy, now recently turned cynical one who has a recently acquired private joke on all things Hungarian?_  
Did that even make sense?  
NO?  
Oh well…

* * *

Percy: What the heck was that? Where is our story?  
That was pretty much all about yourself…  
NEVER PUT THE AUTHOR INTO THE STORY!  
Me: I'm so sorry Mr Jackson. You see I have not updated in so long… and I swore on the river Styx so I must keep going till the story is finished but I am suffering from a bad case of writer's block…  
Percy: Save it AUTHOR…  
Me: Goodbye I must be off to throw myself a pity party… Do what you like with Alice…I mean Alex  
Annabeth: What's wrong with the author? DIONYSUS! THE AUTHOR'S GONE CRAZY!  
Dionysus: I cannot seem to put my finger on it. Tough luck lassie, Cheerio!  
Me: Say it in a Hungarian accent…  
Dionysus: What's with the Hungarian stuff?  
Annabeth: Don't know... It's a private joke apparently…  
Me: HAHAHHAH IT'S SO FUNNY BUT SO SAD  
Poseidon: OMTS  
Percy: OMGS  
Me: Percy...have you met my friend Alex?  
*They stare into each other's eyes*  
*Percy drops the sword onto the floor*  
Percy: Go back to London you upstart!  
Nico: Why do you guys hate each other? I think Alex is pretty cool… But I do think you should go back to London, you don't belong in our world…  
Alex: Goodbye Nico, goodbye! I'll be back in London if you ever want to pop in and say hi… I'll be hanging around studying for my GCSEs and trying to get a girlfriend… BYE!  
Me: Wow, that was random.  
Everyone else: Touche


	34. man this is a long story

Me: Hello! This is the author speaking!  
Percy: About time… the last time you updated was like what 3 month ago?  
Me: Hey I came back didn't I?  
Percy: yeah yeah…whatever…  
Me: I guess we should just carry on with the story right?  
Percy: YES!

* * *

"Hey! Psst! Open some presents will you!" a mysterious voiced hissed out of nowhere. The temporary inhabitants of the Poseidon Cabin all looked around suspiciously. Athena called out, "Hey Grandpa, did you do that?"

Kronos looked around him and shrugged. My minions from Tartarus are throwing their own Christmas ball, they wouldn't disturb us.'  
Zeus peered over his copy of The Financial Times and glared at everyone. "Presents? What presents?"  
Poseidon just looked forlorn and looked up from a huge volume of Edgar Allen Poe poems.

"_Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,  
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore_,"

"Shhh! What's that?" hissed Apollo, "I can hear something!"  
There was a tapping at the door. A quick secession of taps, much like a woodpecker.

"Someone get the door, must be Mr D complaining about our non-existent music again.." Nico yawed, stretching his arms wide.  
"NOO!" yelled Apollo as he tackled Hermes to the floor, "You don't want to do that!"  
"Well why not?" he asked pushing Apollo away, "You're not the boss of-"  
"Well technically I am older and you'd better stop manhand- I mean godhandling me or else."  
"Oh what's Apollo going to do, gonna shoot me through with arrows or bore me to death with your atrocious music?"  
Apollo turned almost nuclear with fury. It was lucky for the demigods that he controlled himself.  
"My music, atrocious! How dare you!"

Unluckily for Hermes he chose that moment to shove Apollo in the chest. Hermes' hands started sizzling.  
"OMT you are hot!"  
Everyone looked at Hermes puzzled, "What did you say?"  
But before Hermes could even try and explain, there were another quick succession a taps. This time no one said a word. Except Zeus. "For cryin' out loud, I'll get it!"

"No no no!" yelled Apollo calming down, his face was still pretty red though, "What poem are you reading uncle Poseidon?"  
Poseidon looked up confused, "The Raven…"  
"Exactly," muttered Apollo, "exactly…"  
His eyes glazed over and he started to recite, ""

_But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,  
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,  
That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door; -  
Darkness there, and nothing more."  
_

"Ouch! My eye!" muttered Hermes as Nico yawned again and accidentally poked Hermes in the eye.  
Zeus rolled his eyes and looked to Hades, "Apollo, I don't know how he ended up so dramatic… He should've been your son…" he then got up slowly with a chuckle and pulled open the wooden, well worn door. However, as you might expect, there was no one there.  
DUN DUN DUN. (Sorry, that just ruined it didn't it?)

Outside, the grounds were dark and eerie, a cold breeze started up, there were faint rustlings in the distance of pine trees.  
Zeus closed the door and shrugged. He padded over to where he was sitting. Everyone looked to Apollo. He was still reciting Edgar Allen Poe poems.  
Everyone shivered, "Man, that's pretty creepy…"  
Suddenly there was another voice…

"For Olympus' sake, and my story's. Open the PRESENTS!"  
The voice was mad.

Apollo jumped 10 ft high and landed in Hermes' arms. Bromance!  
"Author?" all the demigods shouted at once, "What are you doing here?"  
"Huh…huhhuh. Well, I needed some progression. Christmas is not here forever… We need to pick up the pace a bit huh?"  
"Christmas can last forever you know!" Kronos smiled casually, "With the power of time anything's possible!"  
"Yes and that would just be LOVELY," I smiled forcefully, "Now enough from me and back to the story!"

So as they Olympians and their current demigod children gathered around the middle of the room, they started opening some more presents. How mundane.  
But anyways, here goes nothing…

"Hermes, I have your present here, wanna open it?" asked Athena. Hermes took the present in his hand and smiled, "Ares I knew it was you!"  
Ares flabbergasted opened his mouth and closed it, opened it and closed it. He didn't know what to say. HOW and WHY flooded his mind.

"You wrote your name in the 'From:' place by accident, don't worry I use to do that all the time…"  
Ares glowered.  
Hermes ripped into his present like a bloodhound, Zeus was pleasantly surprised. Finally, a son not like his UPSTART brother.

It was a thermos, limited edition. On it were blueprints of Jason's warship and also the golden fleece. At the bottom was written, 'Collector's edition'.  
Finally tucked away in tissue paper was a small hard cover book called, 'Conman tricks. 150 ways of conman-ness!' It was also in collector's edition. In case you didn't know, Hermes likes to collect things.

There was no card. Ares writing? Come on.  
Hermes nodded at him gratefully, "Now I'll be sipping hot soup on those chilly winter nights!" Thanks Ares… He ran over to hug the war god. The war god was not impressed and he made his intentions clear, "There will be no hugging today, messenger boy. Hugging is not the way of war!"  
Hermes did a salute thing with his fingers and whistling, handed Poseidon a present.

It was about one hour later before he got the present open. Remember Poseidon is the UPSTART brother (at least in Zeus' eyes). He's the one that won't rip open a present for fear of blowing up the camp.

Finally, Poseidon got it open. He raised one eyebrow as if to say, WHAT? And then slowly lifted the thing from the wrapping paper.

Everyone nodded appreciatively, 'Ohhs' and 'Ahhs' could be heard resounding through the cabin.  
It was toilet seat. A marine one in clear blue with fishes and sea anemones sealed in.  
He shrugged and tossed it aside. Could've been worse.

Next he discovered a box of chocolates, wrapped in blue paper with a silver ribbon (his least favourite colours) and discovered they were orange and mint truffles (his least favourite kind).

At last he found some bling. Attached was a note that said, 'for your trident'. These were pretty okay he thought.  
There was also a card. On it was a picture of a merman with a trident. He had a long white beard, green tail and a golden crown. He was also very buff, or 'ripped as'. It wasn't exactly the best thing to give to Poseidon. Turning a little purple he opened the card, inside was written,

'_Hey man! Yes you! I know this card might look a bit controversial and might offend the sea god types out there however I still want to wish you a merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart.  
The toilet seat? Oh that's nothing, it's just that I thought you might like it since you know you're Poseidon and must like all things fishy and anemone-y. I thought it might look good in your personal bathroom. I hope you like the truffles as well, I spent ages tasting them and I thought you'll like it very much (I did).  
Yours cheerfully,  
Hermes :) _ '

Poseidon relaxed. Thank goodness it was Hermes, it could've been worse, waay worse. He never trusted those handbooks of his… Then he handed a wooden box to Biana and he wriggled his eyebrows comically.

Bianca took the box and shook her head sadly, "I'll never be able to take this to the underworld…"  
Percy opened his mouth and closed it again.

"But thank you anyways, whoever gave this to me…"  
She opened it and found…

Something soft and silky, shimmering in blue and green. It was soft and cool to the touch but it poured out like water, "What is this?" she asked, puzzled.

"Allow ME TO EXPLAIN!" yelled Percy and his dad at the same time, "Jinx!" yelled Percy,  
Damnit, thought Poseidon.

"It's 1000 yards of the sea," Percy calmly stated. "I grabbed it from the old man James Bond…Or something… Anyways, it's yours now, it's a fabric that's made from the sea, cut out using a special daggar that's lost thousands of years ago."

"What should I do with it?" asked Bianca, "I can't take it with me…"  
"Yes you technically can, it's special. There's a lot of history behind this fabric…something about love and forgiveness that kind of stuff. I was thinking you might hear the sounds of the ocean in this fabric…you know if you ever get bored in the Fields of Asphodel…"

"Elysium," corrected Hades, "Her paperwork has been approved of by immigration."  
Percy nodded, smiling, "Okay…Elysium then…"  
Bianca smiled appreciatively. "It's wonderful…"

* * *

Me: Phew that was hard… So we still have Grover, Luke to go! YES!  
Percy: Look how happy you are that it's finally ending…  
Me: Uh…you know it's like been what 2 years? Don't worry I still have some stuff up my sleeves. It's not going to be like suddenly THE END or Das Ende or Fin or whatever…


End file.
